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crystal.
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June 29, 2013 at 8:16 am #37592
crystalParticipantRecently I reached 10th grade and i was really tensed if I would become my school headgirl or not cos my sister too was the headgirl 3 years ago and everybody wanted me to live up to all those expectations they had from me.I worked hard, really hard for it and then i did become the headgirl…But then all of a sudden the pressure has increased a lot and my friends complain that I have gone from becoming the most adorable girl to being the most busy person in the school.My best friend and I had a big fight over the topic that i dont give her enough time now days and im growing detached to everyone and only focusing on my duty and on my studies..I’ve beccome the topper in my class and my teachers tell me that Im a really good headgirl too.I am happy but now even my family’s started telling me that Im changing and Im no more that cheerful person I used to be.I just slip into negativity after one achievement and start thinking how to be better..I can feel that Im changing but I just dont know how to stop it and manage my time while dispersing my duties efficiently.I cant give time to my friends nor my family..Even after getting good marks Im not at all satisfied and Ive stopped feeling happy.I just feel numb and hollow from the inside.When I smile now days its just a formality, its not cos Im happy..this feeling is killing me.Becoming the headgirl was my dream, but now although I’ve achieved it Im not happy and not satisfied.I really want to be happy and want to become my old self.Any advice will really be helpful.
July 1, 2013 at 7:32 am #37682
JadeParticipantSometimes, we set goals for ourselves that have nothing to do what will really and truly nourish our hearts and souls, we pick these goals because we feel like we “ought” to do them or “should” do them. If your sister hadn’t been headgirl, if no one was expecting you to take the same role, would you have done it? Take some time to explore the answer to that question. My guess is that your answer will be no. And now you’re stuck expending all this time in energy into something you don’t truly want to do.
There are lots of posts on Tiny Buddha exploring passion and meaning, here are a few to check out –
July 1, 2013 at 8:46 am #37687
MattParticipantCrystal,
Sometimes we can have such a strong “future focus” that we don’t know how to enjoy the road. For instance, you had great grades which were part of being “headgirl” but don’t seem to have had any happiness as their own event. Always it was a check on the list, with the next item on the list looming. Said differently, if we get absorbed in the destination, we lose our joy along the way. And, when we get to that destination, we just trade it for another destination and keep pushing and pushing.
The solution is simple but difficult. We have to stop and smell the roses. When we get good grades, we have to stop, let go of the “tomorrow goal” and see the accomplishment for what it is. When we are with our friends, we have to stop thinking about the next items of the list and see them for who they are, and surrender into the beauty and nourishment of playing. When we stop playing, our heart closes and our mind takes over. How could there be joy in such a place?
This world is only as serious as we make it. Perhaps it is time to find your laughter again!
With warmth,
MattJuly 7, 2013 at 12:20 am #38083crystalParticipantHi Jade,
Thanks a lot for taking the time to reply…Maybe I would not have opted for the post of headgirl,but I fear that it too would have left me feeling inferior to others, and now that Ive got soooo much responsibility it leaves me exhausted.I don’t understand what should I do or what I should’nt..But I do believe that I am improving in living up to those expectations that all have from me.I have little by little regained the confidence that I used to have on myself and I see myself coming out from the cloud of self-doubt that I had been under.But i still miss the authentic myself in all this.Anyway thanks a lot for the links, they are vey reassuring..Warm Regards,
Crystal
July 7, 2013 at 12:38 am #38084crystalParticipantHey Matt,
I’m really thankful to you for replying.You are right about all that future focus stealing the happiness from me.That’s cos all the time I keep thinking that all my teachers and my principal should not feel that it was their mistake in making me the headgirl..I keep getting appreciated by them but even while Im getting accolades I fear that there should not come a time when even one person should be dis-satisfied with me. So i constantly work hard to give my100% and while doing that Im ignoring the fun proportion within me..I complicate simple situations..But I feel that now Im improving in managing time between my duty and my friends..But I still dont feel excited nor happy from inside.I feel that there is something missing in me.I lack something important,like a feeling, that I used to be driven by before is no more there…Im clueless about what it was and how to get it back..I will try to get back to being my old self but Im not sure if i will succeed.But I surely will try…Thanks again.Warm Regards,
Crystal
July 7, 2013 at 4:26 pm #38135MattParticipantCrystal,
It seems like you’ve forgotten how to play! Playfulness is often the remedy for a serious person. Instead of trying to find what was lost, perhaps you could be silly. Flapping our arms like a bird, telling dorky stories, flailing and dancing… we have to let go and let our creativity take over. For me, this happens automatically when I’m playing with my kids. What do you like to play?
Here’s a zen joke:
With the first sip of tea, peace.
With the second sip of tea, clarity.
With the third sip of tea, compassion.
With the fourth sip of tea, a cookie.With warmth,
MattJuly 12, 2013 at 6:49 am #38476crystalParticipantHey Matt,
Thank you sooooo much again for replying.Thanks for the really cute joke too..Your advice has really helped me..Im so greatful to you from the bottom of my heart cos now Ive started taking things positively and I think that Im almost back to being my old self..you are right about me loosing my playfulness..I stay immersed in doing other things and finally I just don’t get time to play.Maybe I should make time cos nobody gets time,they make time right? So I am going to start being silly 🙂 and I don’t really play anything.Sometimes I play chess but now I find that way too boaring…you could suggest me something and I’ll surely try it out….
Here’s a joke for you:
Why did’nt the skeleton go to the dance???
Cos it had no-body to go with..!!!
I’m sure its the most silly joke you must have heard but right now that’s what came in my mind..Many many thanks again..
Warm Regards,
Crystal..
July 12, 2013 at 7:48 am #38481MattParticipantCrystal,
I’m so glad you’ve “given the flute back to the inner child”! The tune gets so somber and full of shoulds otherwise. 🙂 Your joke was huuugely dorky, but I laughed from the gut. It doesn’t matter what you play, I like to swim and play with kids. With my wife I’m more of a stinker, using my wit and wiles to drive her crazy in a good way. You come across as dorky, perhaps dancing and irony? Really though, you don’t need my help in finding your song… you sparkle plenty already. Keep going!
With warmth,
MattJuly 12, 2013 at 7:58 am #38483crystalParticipantMatt
Im not dorky :)) OK I am,but only little..:) That’s really nice that you love your family so much..You know, I tried swimming once and barely got out of the pool alive.!! so I don’t think Im going for it again..I do dance,but I just started dancing on classical Indian dance forms and they are just soooo tough but I think Im doing pretty good….Thanks a lot for replying..
Warm regards,
Crystal
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