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My boyfriend of 10 years left me without saying a word.

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  • #383705
    Karma
    Participant

    I have been with B for 10 years. I met him through a common friend in class 12th. He is my only bf but he dated more girls before.

    For the first 5 years, everything was going smooth because i was busy with friends/studies and he with his cricket and so there were no complaints and expectations. We loved each other a lot.

    Later, we both shifted to same city for making a future. Though we were staying in different houses. We were having the best time and i felt to be the luckiest girl on the world.

    Then the problem began because i was always waiting for his attention seeing I didn’t have friends in the new city. He started getting irritated seeing i was always around and dependrnt on him. I was earning well but still emotionally snd mentally i wanted to be around him onlu.

    B had many friends and was always busy with them. He would lie about his whereabouts with me but then he loved and cared a lot which always made me understand his situation.

    B was struggling hard with his finances and due to which was always irritated and angry on me. He had faces major loss in his startup. He hit me thrice during our fights. I used to wait for weekends to meet him but he generally had his own plans which made me sad. When i complained, he put that on me saying “i have high expectations and have changed”.

    There were times we had huge fights-only reason him not giving time. 3 years passes like this witj both hood and happy times then covid happened.

    His family knew about me and was partially ready to accept me. However, my family knew him only as my friend. I did not tell my parents because I wanted B to settle so that parents can be convinced easily.

    One day, we had a heated argument and post that he told his mom thar he doesn’t want to marry me. His family started searching alliances for him.

    We were stll in on and off relationship but i loved him more than anything and he loved me too.

    Then one day, he called telling me he is engaged and from that day my life has been ruined.

    I  am trying to talk to him but he is not talking to me. I miss him and want him back…what should i do?

    #383712
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Muskan:

    You shared that you have been with your (no ex) boyfriend B for 10 years, since 12th grade. He was your first and only boyfriend. At one point, you felt that you were “the luckiest girl on the world”. But there were bad times: the two of you lived separately in a new city. You earned well at your job there, but you were lonely, not having friends. You wanted to  be with him and only with him.

    He, on the other hand, had many friends and didn’t want to spend his time only with you. He was angry at you for wanting to spend more time with him than he wanted to spend with you. He then suffered a financial hardship with his startup business, and there were fights. He hit you three times during those fights…

    “Then one day, he called telling me he is engaged and from that day my life has been ruined. I  am trying to talk to him but he is not talking to me. I miss him and want him back…what should I do?”-

    – First, I am sorry about your heartache. I wish things were different for you, and that you were feeling much better than you are feeling right now.

    Second, as to your question about what you should do: I don’t think that you should contact him again. You should not beg him to get back with you. I don’t think that any good will come out of you begging him. Do you?

    Are you still all alone in the new city, no friends.. no one?

    anita

     

    #383762
    Karma
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Due to covid, i sm working from my hometown and living my my family. I miss him every second of the day and really want him back. I can’t imagine my life with someone else..

    #383800
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Muskan:

    I can almost feel your pain, how real it is for you. It is now night-time where I live, so I am not focused. I would like to come back to your thread and reply further Sat morning, in about 11 hours from now. If you want to share more about the relationship, the nature of the best of times and the worst of times (the fights), please do. I will read and reply when I am back.

    anita

    #383834
    pink24
    Participant

    Hi Muskan,

    Am I understanding you correctly–he hit you three times during your fights?

    If this is what you meant – forget about him. I mean it. Forget about him now. And thank GOD he is engaged. Rejection is God’s protection.

    Instead of feeling badly about him leaving, think about why you chose to stay with someone who obviously wasn’t treating you with respect. You deserve better.

    Take good care of yourself,

    Pink

     

     

    #383835
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Muskan:

    I feel sad reading how he was your first and only boyfriend, how much you wanted to be with him and only with him (“I wanted to be around him only”), and then you got disappointed and heartbroken.

    Wanting to be around him only makes me think of a the song Only You which was originally recorded many, many years ago, in 1955. The words are: “Only you can make this world seem right, Only you can make the darkness bright, Only you, and you alone, can thrill me like you do, And fill my heart with love for only you… When you hold my hand, I understand the magic that you do, You’re my dream come true, My one and only you”- I think you can relate to these words, don’t you?

    The person who wrote these words is Samuel “Buck” Ram who  was born more than a hundred years ago, in 1907. He died in 1991. Why am I telling you this? To show you that what you feel for your ex-boyfriend is felt and has been felt by millions of people, men and women, for centuries, and many felt this “Only You” feelings for one person, then got heartbroken.. then recovered and ended up feeling this Only You for another person.

    You only experienced one man, and you experienced the good and (quite a bit of bad), but think of how big the world is: surely there is a man out there who is better for you, a man with whom there will be no fights and no hitting,  a man with whom you can live in peace.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by anita.
    #383837
    Karma
    Participant

    Hi pink24

    Yes you heard it right. We’be had so many fights where he hit me thrice on my face in front of his friends.. still i forgave him because i loved him..

     

    but you are right. I was wrong to be with him.

    #383838
    Karma
    Participant

    Anita

    i really want someone to love me but i am equally scared if i will be able to love someone with equal dedication as i did B.

    #383839
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Muskan:

    It is a good thing that you will not be able to love someone with equal dedication:

    You can love a future man with less dedication by leaving him if he hits you or abuses you otherwise,

    and you can love a future man with more dedication by making friends so that you don’t rely on him for all your social needs, and therefore, not making him feel guilty for wanting to spend time with his friends.

    anita

    #383841
    Karma
    Participant

    Anita

    “Making him feel guilty”- I didn’t get this.

    #383842
    pink24
    Participant

    Dear Karma,

    I don’t know why I wrote “Dear Muskan”–forgive me!

    Please don’t think of yourself as ‘wrong’ for being with him. We’ve all been through relationships like these. They’re good experiences to have because they’re so painful, and pain forces us to look inside ourselves and give ourselves the love and understanding we deserve. So try and focus on loving yourself. Give yourself respect. You deserve it.

    What I mean by all of this is that in order to get the person you deserve, you have to BE the person you deserve.  Try and do a couple of things each day that make you feel taken care of and just plain happy.

    I think it’s time to focus on you.

    Sending you good energy 🙂

    Pink

     

    #383843
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Karma:

    By making him feel guilty I meant that if a woman has no friends and wants to spend all her time with her boyfriend, but her boyfriend needs to spend some of his time away from his girlfriend, alone, or with his friends (not including cheating on his girlfriend!), and the girlfriend complains to him about it, telling him how lonely she is without him, that it hurts her feelings that he prefers his friends over her, etc., etc., then he may feel guilty, like he is a bad person when he is.. not a bad person. Did I explain myself well?

    anita

    #383858
    Karma
    Participant

    Hi pink24 and Anita

     

    Yester i called B because i was craving to talk to him. But he got so pissed off seeing my call and said that i am torturing him and have destroyed his life. These things have really made me hurt to am extent that i cannot explain. I want to die…

    #383859
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Karma:

    I feel badly for you. Please try to calm down and think that your situation is not as bad as it feels like. I will be back to your thread in about 12 hours and reply further, Feel free to post again before I return.

    aniya

    #383868
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Karma:

    How are you feeling, and did you try to contact your ex-boyfriend again? You shared earlier that because of Covid, you are living with your family in your hometown. Is anyone in your family or hometown friends helping you at this time, in regard to your heartache?

    anita

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