Home→Forums→Relationships→My boyfriend of 10 years left me without saying a word.
- This topic has 39 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 3 months ago by srk.
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August 1, 2021 at 11:37 am #383905TeeParticipant
Dear Karma,
I liked myself but i was always concious as i was not very good looking and all my friends were pretty. They has bfs and I never had one. Infact i usee to like a boy in my school days but he liked someone else. I thought that may be I don’t look good enough..
Right, so your insecurity came from your physical appearance, that’s where you felt “not good enough”. And you say B was a cricket player – was he handsome and popular too? Did girls give him a lot of attention? Was he that kind of guy? And you felt he was “too good for you”, or that you really have to give your best not to lose him?
August 1, 2021 at 11:54 am #383907KarmaParticipantHe was decent looking boy who had 17 flings before meeting me.
August 1, 2021 at 12:30 pm #383912TeeParticipantHe was decent looking boy who had 17 flings before meeting me.
So he was popular with girls, wasn’t he? How did that make you feel?
August 1, 2021 at 12:33 pm #383913KarmaParticipantYes, he was. I was happy knowing that i am with a famous guy
August 1, 2021 at 12:45 pm #383914TeeParticipantYes, he was. I was happy knowing that i am with a famous guy
Maybe you were idolizing him a little? Maybe you thought you were lucky to be with him, perhaps lucky that he chose you?
How did he treat you – did he make comments about your looks, or say anything that would suggest he feels superior to you?
August 1, 2021 at 7:22 pm #383921KarmaParticipantNo, he never made me feel infrrior about my looks or appearance .
August 1, 2021 at 11:14 pm #383924TeeParticipantNo, he never made me feel infrrior about my looks or appearance .
That’s good. But you already felt inferior before, and perhaps being with him made you feel a little better about yourself? Like it boosted your self-esteem a little?
I was happy knowing that i am with a famous guy
I’ve already asked you this, but did you feel like you’ve won a lottery with him, and that you have to give your best (and accept however he treats you) in order not to lose him?
August 2, 2021 at 3:52 am #383927KarmaParticipantPlease help as what to do to ensure i have a happy life. My parents have stated lookimg for alliance for my marriage. I don’t want my past to haunt me in my future life.
Also, i am scared if any men would love me now.
August 2, 2021 at 4:04 am #383928TeeParticipantDear Karma,
Please help as what to do to ensure i have a happy life. My parents have stated lookimg for alliance for my marriage. I don’t want my past to haunt me in my future life.
I understand, that’s why I am trying to help you find out why you don’t love yourself. Because that’s what I see as the biggest obstacle for a happy life.
In my teens and youth, I also suffered from low self-esteem regarding my physical appearance, and was jealous of girls prettier than me. But my sense of lower self-worth didn’t start in my teens and wasn’t caused by my looks, but started much earlier in my childhood, with my mother criticizing me a lot. That’s how I started believing I am not good enough (which later included “not pretty enough” as well).
It would be important to figure out what’s the real cause of your low self-esteem. If you would like to tell me a bit more about your childhood, please do. Because that’s where the reason may be, as well as the solution for your current problems. If on the other hand you had a great childhood, with loving and supportive parents and siblings, then the reason is somewhere else.
August 2, 2021 at 5:21 am #383933srkParticipantHi Karma,
The other participants in this thread have already given some wonderful insights into overcoming your current predicament. I do not know how I may add to it but will give it a try nonetheless.
It is clear ‘B’ emotionally abused you for a long time at every given opportunity. He also physically assaulted you on a couple of occasions. Imagine investing more time and energy in that relationship, getting married, having kids, and then facing a similar situation that you are facing now! You would’ve been more devastated than you are right now. By moving away from him, you have just saved yourself from a lifetime of abuse. So consider it as a blessing!
You will need time to heal, to move on from this whole episode. You need to first grieve and then heal at your own pace! You can not hasten it.
Having said this, how can you build yourself a better future? I would suggest you focus on yourself first. Engage in empowering activities like volunteering, acquiring new skills, building new hobbies, etc. Build enough emotional quotient wherein you are less dependent on others to fulfill your social needs. And let go of expectations. I believe that having high expectations from others result in disappointment and pain, sooner or later.
I sincerely hope the above pointers help you! Take care!
Shrv
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