My Boyfriend Wishes he wasn't my first

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by Inky.

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March 25, 2019 at 2:41 pm #286309

memories11
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My boyfriend wishes he wasn’t my first. He wants a threesome and I don’t ever because to me “Sex is meaningful to me and special” that I would only want to experience it with someone that I am romantically with. He wishes he wasn’t my first so I would be more experienced and know what I want and etc or possibly be more willing to do stuff. I’m hurt Because I don’t think it matters when what matters is that I’m willing to learn and etc. But what I don’t want to do, I won’t do.

What’s so hard to respect and understand that? And him saying he wishes he wasn’t my first Giving away my virginity isn’t some kind of thing I’d give anyone I’m with I don’t know what to do now I don’t even want to talk to him Doubt he can even get anything at all We’ve had similar talks, but he said this a couple minutes ago through text.

March 25, 2019 at 2:49 pm #286311

Mark
Participant

memories11,

It sounds like he is not a match for you. Move on. The differences between you two are huge and significant.

No amount of talking will change that he does not respect you or hold the same values.

Mark

March 25, 2019 at 5:44 pm #286339

Anonymous
Guest

Dear memories11:

A week ago, in your first thread, you wrote that he was making comments about other women in front of you. When you told him he should keep these comments to himself, he told you that you are insecure and “he’s just someone who bluntly says things out loud”. A week later, he wants you to “be more willing to do stuff” with him and with another woman, “He wants a threesome”.

Seems to me that a”Boyfriend” is not an accurate term for what he is in relation to you, more like … what would be a more appropriate term, do you think?

anita

March 25, 2019 at 8:04 pm #286377

Valora
Participant

I agree with Mark and Anita… and no matter whether he is your first your your 10th, no matter how much experience you have, if you only want to be with the person you are in love with in that way, then no amount of experience is going to make you want a threesome.

I can see how you’d feel attached to him and the thought of letting go of him might make you feel uneasy, but I really think you’d be better off finding someone with values similar to your own. This guy will not be able to treat you in the way you deserve and, given what he’s said to you, it’s not likely that he will ever change.

March 26, 2019 at 2:03 am #286397

JayJay
Participant

I also agree with Anita, Mark and Valora.

He’s your first boyfriend, and in that sense he’s special to you. I can understand you wanting to try to please him. I can understand your hurt. He is asking too much of you and you are right not to do what you don’t want to do. It’s a personal boundary and you are right to have those.

Telling you that he wishes you were more experienced and trying to persuade you to do things you definitely don’t want to do makes me think he is taking advantage of you. He is not thinking of you at all, or respecting your boundaries.

You say it all with the word ‘respect’ in your post. He doesn’t have enough respect for you. Like Valora said, you would be better off marking this relationship down to experience, and finding someone else, someone who shares your values and beliefs.

Jay

March 26, 2019 at 12:02 pm #286473

Inky
Participant

Hi memories 11,

In the old days cartoonists would draw a wife with a frying pan whenever the husband did anything inappropriate. Trust me, I, Inky, have had far more experience than this boy ever can hope to have, and even I have never had a threesome. Who does he think he is, King Solomon? Only in today’s age can boys put you down for not having a threesome, honestly expect to get a threesome, and not get hit by a very real metaphoric frying pan.

My advice to you is to dump him so he has to start all over. By the time he gets close to having his threesome he’ll be thirty but then all the women will laugh at him.

Or, agree to the threesome and introduce him to your new friend Ragnar.

Best,

Inky
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