Hello eight,

I am inclined to agree with what you say. I also believe very strongly that this Spirit misses me in another realm. These songs that enter my head all have a theme of separation running through them. Of two people being worlds apart. I get the occasional brief feeling of a beautiful land I may have once inhabited. It is the merest flicker of recollection, but it is a feeling of utter happiness and peace, tinged with excitement.  If I had to put an image to such a feeling, it would probably be the peculiarly ethereal art of classical Greek landscape.

This is why I am so sad and depressed in this life. I know I need to get help for this. I also know that there are beings in another realm who care for me (and you) very deeply and who would never try to take the food out of my mouth or the clothes off my back, unlike this world.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser

Well it’s either belief in God or existential nihilism. I oscillate between the two. My faith ebbs and flows, although of late the tide has been out for quite a long time. Nor do I think it matters to God which one you choose, because we came into being saddled with the knowledge of our mortality, the problem of suffering and an interminable  search for meaning. Many of the finest intellects have dashed their brains against this particular rock.

I don’t have any answers, and to be honest, I am tired thinking about it all. I think you are more likely to find wisdom in the bottom of a beer bottle than anywhere else. But if you wish to form an opinion, don’t, whatever you do, read the chronic outpourings of fundamentalist Christians on the internet. They are a disgrace to Christ. I am Christian, and I find these people deeply offensive and frankly, embarrassing. I don’t know which religious persuasion you are, or that it should matter if you have one or not, but I do know that Lord Christ is nothing like these people paint Him as. He is the most humblest and gentlest being in the Universe. And He does care about us and what we have to go through, yet we still have to go through it. Perhaps it’s necessary. But I wouldn’t just restrict myself to Christianity. I would apply these words to Lord Buddha as well. Or Lord Dionysus. See, unlike these people, I also believe God can be experienced in a Japanese Zen garden or a classical temple as much as in a church. It’s not an issue for me. The fundamentalist Christians have made an issue out of it, and they have emptied the churches as a result.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser.

I’m seeing the doctor tomorrow. I feel sad and defeated. I feel like a very weak person.

The recent nightmares I have had were terrifying. I must bring this thread to a close by stating that this Kundalini/spiritual awakening thing is indeed a horror. There is nothing nice about it WHATSOEVER, and if anyone tells you there is, they haven’t been through it. My experience has brought me to the edge of the abyss of insanity. But what I have learned is that truly, there is no God, only the Universe. And the Universe is unconcerned with our feelings. It was quite unconcerned with the amounts of weeping and sobbing I did in private, and it wasn’t bothered in the slightest by my crises of faith, or by my sheer horror at finding myself outside of all that is acceptable and normal. To all Christians, fundamentalist or otherwise; get it into your thick heads, God doesn’t exist and Jesus isn’t coming back. The only God that exists is the Universe itself. There is no white-bearded old man sat on a cloud. Oh, and get this, dickheads, Hinduism has far more truth in it than your patriarchal horseshit. I have fucking had it with the God stereotype. It’s now clear to me that gods were invented to explain existence to primitive minds, when really the truth is that the Big Bang brought everything into existence. Oh, and here’s the strange thing. Whichever path you take brings you to the same destination: nothingness.

I’ll say this right now, my life has ceased to be worth living. All I had left was my music, but now these energies coming into my head cause such pressure that I find it very difficult to concentrate. If things continue as they are doing I will have little option other than to give my music up.

There just isn’t the support for this Kundalini shit. The clergy are a fucking joke. I will never ask them for advice ever again, they are play actors. Nor will I turn to the new age lot who talk such woo-woo nonsense that I can’t make head nor tail of what they say. I’ll just go to the doctor and hope he can do something.

Bye,

Tannhauser

Anita, I agree with everything you have said. I think all we can do in this life is be kind to each other and make the best of it. Our curse is that our brains are over-evolved and as a result we think too much. I have come to realise that searching for meaning/God is utterly futile. My advice is don’t do it if you want to be happy, because this search will isolate and depress you. We are social creatures, and family groups can only function properly when everyone pulls together, as with packs in the wild. Religion/spirituality often suggests doing the exact opposite and going against our nature.  Such things do not make happy, contented human beings.

I thought I was having a ‘spiritual awakening’, yet I never once heard the voice of God or received any kind of communication from Him/It. In the end, it can all be put down to a malfunctioning brain brought on by severe trauma. In the end, there is only the Universe. Religionists can dress it up how they like. They can say that pain is for a purpose. Or they can trot out Adam and Eve/Pandora’s Box again. But in the end, the simplest answer is usually the correct one: there is no God.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser

Well I started it, so I will finish it. This ‘awakening’ has isolated me and made me feel like a lunatic because I am now living ‘outside the box’. I have nothing in common with anyone else and have to put up with a lot of shit from those who are still deep in their slumbers. If this was truly spiritual, why can’t people like us just be taken off this planet to somewhere that suits us better, and let the rest of them get on with fighting and screwing each other? If this is an awakening, then it is unspeakably cruel on the likes of us. We’ve had our minds altered yet we still have to stay here in an hostile environment. It doesn’t make sense. NONE OF IT MAKES ANY SENSE!!!. I really can’t bear being around most humans and their self-centered ways anymore, they are a pain in the backside. They expect you to think like them in their materialistic, shallow worldview, and if you don’t YOU are the one who is labelled insane!

I really hate all of this, I wish it had NEVER happened to me. It is too hard and far too painful, and at times I have simply wanted to die. I am sick of the energies coming into my head. I am sick of the frequent bouts of diarrhoea, the coldness in my body and the emptiness inside me. I AM SICK OF IT ALL.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser