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  • This topic has 869 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 3 years ago by Anonymous.
Viewing 15 posts - 196 through 210 (of 870 total)
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  • #295919
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    I hope the movie night yesterday was a good time for you and that the dog wasn’t a problem?

    anita

    #296111
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    The dog stayed with my ex.  Shelby would bark and I was nervous just dealing with K being over.  Sunday night went really well.  We watched a movie and then talked for like 2 hours.  Yesterday I went to his house and grilled with him and his roommate again.  I really like him.  After I left and went home we started texting.  I admitted I liked him.  We texted for quite a while off and on.  I think we are going to take the next step past friendship.   He admitted to liking me but has a wall up.  We are both nervous to take that next step.  He invited me over Sunday.  I feel really nervous.

    Lindsey

    #296117
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    Best would be if the two of you were calm, but the two of you being nervous means you understand each other, have a … sort of nervous meeting of the minds. Having this in common you can take each other’s hand and slowly proceed, carefully, no rushing. Talk even more than you talked so far, all through, proceed together, as a team, figuring out what to do now, what not to do, what tomorrow may be like.

    One day/ one evening at a time. Neither one of you want to mess it up because of rushing and getting frenzied.

    anita

    #296499
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’m trying to understand why I have anxiety with K.  Could the relationship and treatment from my ex have caused an increase in general anxiety, especially when dealing with getting to know someone, being vulnerable and open?  Everyday usually around 3-4pm my anxiety is the worst.  I will reread texts all the time.  I will send a text and then worry about if it will be take the wrong way.  I feel  like this anxiety is taking away from my happiness.

    There is nothing K has done either.  He’s been really good so far with all of his behaviors, very respectful.  Really I can’t say anything negative.  I hate these feelings.  They make me feel like I’m not able to be 100% confident and happy.  I hide all of this anxiety.

    Lindsey

    #296503
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Linsey:

    Keep hiding that anxiety from K by not sending him too many texts, Your anxiety is not something he can help you with at this point. You have to control your behavior when you are anxious, around 3- 4 pm and otherwise. It is not so bad that you reread texts,  it by itself doesn’t hurt this beginning relationship with K. Don’t send him an excess numbers of texts or distressing texts.

    What about that Friday therapy you had scheduled, you should be talking there about ways to manage and reduce your anxiety!

    * I will be away from the computer for a while.

    anita

    #296507
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    the good news is I don’t initiate texting and I don’t send too many texts. I let him take the lead.  The therapist went on vacation so I don’t see her again until june 4th but will definitely address.  Maybe a bit of increased anxiety in the last 2 days is because we r going to move past friendship and acknowledged our feelings to each other. I will see him on Sunday.  I just really want to get a handle on this.

    lindsey

    #296511
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    It is exciting, reading that it is going to move past friendship! Exciting means increased anxiety because excitement is an excitation of nerve cells, and so is fear. So this may very well be why you feel more anxious. Don’t be alarmed, everyone gets anxious, the key is to manage it and you’ve been doing a good job at it, so keep at it.

    When you  feel more anxious, afternoons, take a hot bath,a fast walk outside and then a cold shower, whatever calms you down, listen to calming music or… a rerun of what is it called, yes, game of thrones. This is what my psychotherapist at the time taught me so to manage anxiety, distract by doing things that are not harmful, like those that I suggested.

    When you see him, if you feel anxious right there and then, you can tell him that you feel anxious but don’t elaborate, just let him if  sharing that makes you feel better, but do not go on about it, just mention it. And as you do, you can suggest that distracting hot bath or cold shower… no, no, that would be too soon! (lol)

    anita

    #296559
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    This anxiety of mine. Last night after talking with K I realized I’m freaking out over nothing. Whatever happens in the near future will happen. He’s not in a hurry to make any moves taking things forward but does want to be the one to make the first move.  I was worried about his expectations etc.

    I feel like sharing my feelings with him about being worried because I’m  sure it came through a bit in texts.

    Do you think it’s ok to say something?

    Lindsey

    #296573
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    Like I wrote, I think it is okay to share a bit about your anxiety, just not a whole lot and most importantly, share about it in a calm way, meaning, as you share a bit, make it so that he can see (and you can too) that you are in reasonable control of yourself.

    If you shared going on and on and on, that shows a disturbing lack of self control or awareness. If you shared some and then waiting, giving him a chance to respond, that shows you are in control and aware, aware that you are having a conversation, for one, not a monologue.

    As you share- just a bit (more later, perhaps, after his response)- about any of your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, do so in a calm enough, strong voice, so that he can see (and so can you) that you are not only weak and vulnerable, you are also strong and capable.

    anita

    #296607
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I sent a short response that I was worried about his expectations but realized there is no rush moving forward.  He sent back of course no expectations, just wants to talk and have a good time.

    An example of turning a hill into a mountain so to speak.  Need to work on that.

    I’ve honestly never spent time with a man who was not in a hurry to move things forward and who seemed interested in talking and getting to know me really well.  I’m not quite sure how to take all of this.  He mentioned it takes him awhile to make any type of move-he’s chicken so to speak.

    Lindsey

     

    #296615
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    “I’ve honestly never spent time with a man who was not in a hurry to move things forward and who seemed interested in talking and getting to know me really well. I’m not quite sure how to take all of this”- take it well because it is about time this happens in your life, for crying out loud!

    I mean, someone who is interested in talking and getting to know you really well, there is only one way to take it- it being a good thing. And to take it slow- that is a good thing for him and even better for you!

    anita

    #296779
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    yes it is a very good thing and finally time I agree.  Can you please give some advice for when I send a text or Snapchat and I don’t get a response.  I go into anxiety mode. Worry mode, second guessing, all that unhealthy stuff I do it in my head.

    I’m  so annoyed with my self sense we had the discussion of liking each other more than friends. My anxiety makes me almost want to say forget it.

    Lindsey

    #296789
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    My suggestion is that you sit down when alone and not distracted and take a few slow deep breaths and say to yourself: this beginning relationship with K may end at any time. Often beginning relationships do end, and this might end as well.

    Take a few more slow, deep breaths, and repeat this, letting each word sink in.

    Get to the realistic state of mind of accepting that statistically romantic relationships, that most end at the beginning stages, that it is so for everyone. Therefore this is very much a possibility.

    Try that and let me know how you feel?

    anita

    #296847
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    that makes me feel awful, like really awful. Like everything  that is good in my life goes away. Every time. And I don’t think I should be getting this upset.   I hate feeling like this after I sent a Snapchat to him hours ago and he hasn’t replied.  But he was texting me st midnight last night so why am I getting so upset?

    Lindsey

    #296851
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    I think you are getting so upset because you are afraid a good thing you hope to happen will not happen, and also, maybe you are angry at yourself, blaming yourself for things not working out for you?

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 196 through 210 (of 870 total)

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