September 6, 2019 at 12:16 pm #310617
They are clear, I just read some of them and don’t want to do them-like when he starts flirting. I just need to remember if I don’t follow my rules, I will not be able to help control my anxiety and will stay in the same spot.
LindseySeptember 6, 2019 at 12:19 pm #310619
The rule about flirting, can you state it clearly?
(I will be away from the computer for a short while)
anitaSeptember 6, 2019 at 12:23 pm #310621
rule about flirting is if he starts flirting, reply with one sentence only? This not going to work lol. I feel there is no way I’m not going to be able to flirt back. It’s like walking into a store and your favorite candy is everywhere.
And if I say hey, don’t flirt, well then it will make the conversation weird and awkard. There is no certainty that he be contacting me and will text and flirt.
LindseySeptember 6, 2019 at 12:55 pm #310635
Can’t you flirt back in one sentence- that will fit with the rule and allow you a bit of flirting back. Then you go to Rule 1- if he responds, text back. If he response includes flirting, you get to text him another one-line-flirt!?
anitaSeptember 6, 2019 at 12:56 pm #310637
Ok, ok yes I agree 100% I didn’t include ok to flirt in the one sentence. Ok I can do this.
LindseySeptember 6, 2019 at 1:00 pm #310639
It is important to come up with clear and doable rules. I think the flirting rule is now clear and doable!
anitaSeptember 6, 2019 at 1:02 pm #310643
yes it is. I feel much better. I need to remind myself of them almost everyday. I think my rules are very doable and common sense, easy to follow. Your idea of rules was awesome-a life saver.
LindseySeptember 6, 2019 at 1:07 pm #310673
I agree: your rules are “very doable and common sense, easy to follow”- now follow them this weekend and all of next week and as you do, we’ll see what difference it makes for you.
anitaSeptember 9, 2019 at 6:25 am #310995
I’m trying to understand why I wake up sometimes and feel exhausted. All day I’m irritable and occasional feel like it’s hard to pronounce words and sometimes my pronunciation comes out wrong. This happened Saturday. Unfortunately I had my kids and I felt like I was irritable in the morning. I struggled and things got better in the afternoon it was just a very long day. Sunday I pretty much just went to the library and watched TV and didn’t talk to anyone. I feel better.
I feel like I had above average anxiety last week. Mostly because I’m sitting next to K. I feel like I have unlimited access to him with him being so close by. And as a person with problems with addiction, unlimited access is not a good thing. I’m at a loss if I talked to him too much or seemed too loud. I’m worried that I came across odd or “too much.” I know we set up some ground rules Friday and he never reached out to me via text over the weekend which I think is a very good thing based on my mood at that time.
This feeling of worrying that I did too much or said too much gets really old. I know that all I can do is focus on doing the best thing now and in the future but it really sucks worrying what others think.
LindseySeptember 9, 2019 at 7:17 am #311003
The emotional experience of fear/ anxiety is feeling that something is wrong. This is why animals, when they feel fear, become alert- they are looking for what is it that is wrong (a predator approaching would be something wrong).
So no wonder you worry about how wrong you come across because you feel this experience of fear/ anxiety (anxiety is fear repeated without an imminent and present danger).
Every time you catch yourself feeling fearful- pay attention to your breathing, focus on inhaling and exhaling. It grounds people (this is why guided meditations always start and end with breathing). And slow down- if you feel that you are pronouncing words wrong- and it is not necessary for you to talk- don’t talk. If you have to talk- slow down. If your voice sounds too loud- pause and lower the volume. The more you slow down your movements and speech when anxious- the better.
There is a practice, tai chi, that is all about slow motion, very slow, it relaxes people. Of course you can’t move real slow motion at work, but slow down some.
anitaSeptember 9, 2019 at 11:09 am #311053
I like how you explained it. I feel fear all the time. Some people don’t leave the house. I’ve always usually gone out into the world but once I’m there my brain goes a bit haywire. I did a 10 minute meditation this morning. Work has been fine. K is not here he might have called in sick, not sure. Something has started to come back to me and I think it is called self-worth. I thought about checking on him later and was then like why? he may not even be sick? It’s not really worth it in general. I want to continue having a good day and go to the gym later.
LindseySeptember 9, 2019 at 12:15 pm #311077
I am glad to read this: “Something has started to come back to me and I think it is called self-worth”- I love the way you phrased this, clever!
Better not text him, it is in Rule #1, by the way, to not initiate a text to him.
anitaSeptember 10, 2019 at 11:45 am #311357
I notice I have no stress or anxiety if I keep mostly to myself and I’m alone with my dog. This can get tricky because well, that’s not how life works. I love my kids but they have be a bit stressful lol. I did not text K as agreed in my rules but he is not at work today again.
I’m not sure if I should check on him. I think if he is not at work tomorrow maybe send him a note asking if everything is ok? what do you think? I know that is against my rules but I do worry about him and he is a friend.
Hope you are having a good day.
LindseySeptember 10, 2019 at 12:27 pm #311371
Congratulations for keeping Rule #1!
“I’m not sure if I should check on him… if he is not at work tomorrow maybe send him a note.. what do you think?”- I think not. Again, see rule #1.
“I know that is against the rules but I do worry about him”- if he lived alone with no phone, then definitely drive to see if he is okay- but this is not his circumstance. He is at home probably because he wants to be home, away from work and away from the people at work- and .. that includes you!
anitaSeptember 10, 2019 at 12:48 pm #311379
Agreed lol. Rule #1.