September 10, 2019 at 12:55 pm #311387
Keep at it, following the rules that is!
anitaSeptember 13, 2019 at 3:00 pm #312141
Guess who followed her rules all week. It feels good, like I’m in control of my anxiety. He came back to work Thursday and has been initiating Skype texts. I don’t say or do anything. Said he slept for 14 hours a day, not sure what was wrong with him. Obviously we know. I went to my counselor today and it was a good session. We talked about my mom and K a bit. We discussed my mental illness too. Hope you have a good weekend. I plan on relaxing by myself most of the weekend and meeting friends for breakfast Sunday before I spend time with my kids.
LindseySeptember 13, 2019 at 3:48 pm #312153
I am guessing it is you who followed the rules all week- guess who is proud of you !!!
The results: you feel in control of your anxiety. And he initiated skype texts- if you texted him (against the rules), you wouldn’t be able to state today that he initiated skype texts.
I hope you have a relaxing weekend, and remember: feelings happen and distress will return, but there will be less and less of it if you stick to your rules. (If a situation happens that you feel you need to break a rule, let me know what it is before you break a rule, and wait for my response first, will you?).
September 16, 2019 at 5:14 am #312487
- This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by anita.
Had a pretty relaxing weekend. Mostly stayed to myself, had breakfast with friends Sunday and spent the afternoon with my kids. K texted last night and is being very open right now. I’m trying to ride the wave and not have any expectations. I hope you had a peaceful weekend. I will definitely contact you first before breaking a rule-most definitely. These rules are the best thing that ever happened!! Little to no anxiety.
LindseySeptember 16, 2019 at 5:56 am #312491
I am glad to read from you first thing this morning, and to know you had a relaxing weekend. Mine was pretty relaxing as well, thank you. Good to know that you will definitely be contacting me first before breaking any rule. I will surely answer any new post by you as soon as I am aware that you posted. Keep having no expectations from K- no reason in reality to have any expectations from him.
September 19, 2019 at 12:41 pm #313135
- This reply was modified 6 days, 17 hours ago by anita.
So far so good. These rules seem too easy but K is talking right now. I think the real test will come if (most likely when) he doesn’t talk for 2 weeks. Also, I am wondering about this-earlier I went to him for a question about work. Should I not do that at all? I mean to an extent that is seeking him out and I don’t think I’m going to make a habit out of doing it-you tell me what you think.
Monday night he told me that he thinks I’m an amazing person and that he just wanted me to know that and that he really wants a close friendship/relationship with me. Also just for me not to have expectations. I said it’s not exactly expectations-it’s really me being unsure. And he responded for me not to be unsure about him. He’s been texting quite a bit all week. I’m just wondering when the bottom is going to fall out.
LindseySeptember 19, 2019 at 12:45 pm #313137
I think that it is better that you don’t seek him at all, for any reason. It just so happens (according to your own report), that the less you seek him, the more he seeks you. In other words, you have nothing to gain and everything to lose if you seek him.
If you don’t seek him- it is better for you in each and every way.
No brainer, I says.
anitaSeptember 19, 2019 at 1:11 pm #313141
Sounds like a good plan. You are right as usual.
LindseySeptember 19, 2019 at 2:09 pm #313147
The rules are excellent for your mental health, lowering your anxiety. That is their purpose. That they increase his reaching out to you, at least so far, that is a bonus, a side- benefit.
(And thanks for the.. vote of confidence).
anitaSeptember 20, 2019 at 12:02 pm #313317
Just checking in and wanted to talk with you. Anxiety has been pretty good this week-much better than it’s been in the past. Still keeping to my rules-really they are not that hard to keep because of the payoff they give of less anxiety. Today K has not spoken at all and this is what I was waiting for. I’ve been a little on edge but not too much and it is getting better as the day goes on. It is ok that he doesn’t talk today? I can never figure out if this is normal.
I have the kids this weekend and hopefully it does not rain too much; there is a carnival in town and they have soccer. Sunday is a day to myself-can’t wait-plan on going to the movies sometime that day.
I feel like I’m getting better in my journey to making better decisions for myself and managing my anxiety better. I know that I should probably run from K but well, I just can’t seem to.
LindseySeptember 20, 2019 at 12:16 pm #313323
You can’t predict or control K’s behavior, having no power over his behavior. The reason the rules work is that you can predict your own behavior as you follow the rules, you know how you will behave. Meaning, you have control, a sense of power over your own behavior.
Anxiety increases when we feel powerless, and it decreases when we feel that we do have power over our lives, the least of which is power over our own behavior.
Worry less about what K does (not under your control) and focus on what you do- enjoy the weekend with the kids and alone, in the movies.
Good work, Lindsey. If I may say so yet again: I am proud of you!
anitaSeptember 20, 2019 at 12:43 pm #313327
Thank you so much!! I’m trying but this life stuff is hard lol. Enjoy your weekend!! I’ll talk with you soon.
LindseySeptember 20, 2019 at 12:49 pm #313331
You are very welcome, Lindsey and thank you. I hope to read what movie you will be watching (looking for a recommendation!)
anitaSeptember 20, 2019 at 12:57 pm #313335
“It” 2. Kind of scary. The first one is on video/HBO really good. I read the book by Stephen King so I am a real fan.
LindseySeptember 20, 2019 at 1:00 pm #313337
I read that a new It came out. Nothing like a scary movie in a dark, air conditioned movie theater. I am looking forward to read about your weekend, including the movie watching experience.