April 8, 2014 at 4:53 am #54471
If there’s anything I have learned at all, it’s to not let your insecurities get the best of you. Stop over thinking things and thinking that you’re not good enough to accomplish something because I guarantee with that mind set, you won’t. Always have the mentality that you can truly conquer anything and success will be in your future.
Sometimes people suck, and you’re not always going to hear the things you want to hear. But sometimes, people can also be truly wonderful. If you aren’t satisfied with the people in your life then let them go. If they are holding you back, or shedding any form of negativity into your life then move on without them. Letting them get to you will only lower your self esteem. At the end of the day, who cares if someone doesn’t think your extensions look good or if you prefer wearing Crocs over sandals? In most cases, they are probably just jealous you have the money to afford going to the salon and pampering yourself or being able to walk around in Crocs and own it.
Jealousy can eat you alive. Wanting something that someone else has is human nature. Use this tool to set goals for yourself. Use this tool to help yourself grow into becoming the person you want to be. Use this tool in a positive light instead of letting it bring you down as if you have no favorable qualities. Other people are jealous of you too, you know.
Love is exhilarating but also miserable, love is kind but also harsh. It is important to work on yourself in order to let someone else in. Loving yourself is the number one key in having the ability to love someone else. Don’t get all worked up if your man is talking to another girl, don’t get worked up if he checked out someone else and you totally caught him doing it, and if he doesn’t send you a “good morning” text, it doesn’t mean he isn’t thinking about you. I have found that my biggest insecurities are in my relationships. How could anyone love me? How could anyone find me more beautiful than someone else who may be thinner or have larger “physical” features than I do? Well let me let you in on a little secret: not ever man likes big boobs, not ever man likes small boobs, not every man likes skinny girls, or tall girls, or girls with long hair, or girls with short hair, or chubby girls, or blonde girls, or brunette girls. Every man is different. And every man will love you in a different way for ALL that you are nothing more and nothing less. It is okay to let your insecurities show and it is okay to be selfish in asking your man for reassurance because that is important. Sometimes we all need to be reassured that you’re still wanted and loved the same amount, or more, as day one. Your man is with you because he loves every ounce of you. He probably even loves the split ends in your hair from straightening it too much that us girls, absolutely hate.
Stop overthinking things because you think you’re not good enough. If you make plans with a friend and he/she cancels last minute, that doesn’t mean they don’t want to hangout with you or find the plans you had to be boring. They are probably just busy and need to take that time getting other things done. If you have a nice romantic weekend planned out with your man and last minute he tells you he needs to go home and get some things done before hanging out, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. That doesn’t mean he wants to wait it out as long as possible before he has to spend the entire weekend with you. It simply means he’s busy and before he devotes all of his time to you he needs to get things done first. So what if you’ll be seeing him later than expected or later than usual. You WILL see him. If your best friend in the whole wide world tells you they need some space and you both should stop hanging out for awhile, it doesn’t mean it’s going to be forever. It doesn’t mean you’re annoying him/her or bothering him/her. They honestly are probably just trying to save the friendship and avoid getting sick of each other too soon. It happens.
If there’s anything I have learned at all, do NOT, absolutely 100%, do NOT let your insecurities get the best of you. Love yourself, and your body and your mind. Own it.April 8, 2014 at 7:55 am #54481
Thanks so much for this great reminder. Over thinking everything is one of my greatest challenges. It's so easy to let it take you down the road of negatives and worst case scenarios.April 8, 2014 at 9:17 am #54486
The old adage “perception is reality” is completely true. I believe insecurity is the root of what you present. Always assuming the worse, instead of letting what will be, simply be. Recognizing it for what it is, and dealing with it appropriately when required.
I too have allowed myself to be crippled with paralyzing fear, paranoia, worry and doubt. Usually the situation I so fear never materializes, or an attempt on my behalf to sway the outcome to prevent what it is I fear, usually develops the self fulfilling prophecy.
Understanding it occurs, does not keep it from happening. However seeing it for what it is in the throws allows me to center myself, relax in the knowledge its an episode, I make no actions or decisions in result and let it pass. Its the best way Ive learned to deal with it.April 8, 2014 at 12:59 pm #54497
Thank you for taking the time to write this, I think in this modern,fast paced world we forget that we need to take time out for ourselves, everything seems to be faster,quicker, we literally hardly have time to breathe with the pressure, what you wrote is very true in every way, we all need to think less and be aware of things around us that cause negativity, you only live once and we all deserve the best in life 🙂April 13, 2014 at 8:53 am #54692
I like this and can relate 100%. However, I have had a lot of trouble actually doing this (or feeling as though I had) for more than a couple months at a time. Could you identify some of the things that have helped you maintain an attitude like this?April 13, 2014 at 9:15 am #54693
You know ever since i was a child my family used to bug me saying i have a nose that stretches from one side of my face to the other. they said i have ugly hands. they said i was dumb. they said i have such frizzy hair a bee would get stuck and beg you to let it out. Sounds funny right? Being the youngest one in my family everyone enjoyed making fun of me. i am 20 years old now. Really insecure. on my first day in a university i was so scared because i thought i have a big nose, ugly hands, ugly feet and a brain that doesn't function properly. So scared to compete amongst the people who were far more intelligent than me. far more beautiful and pretty. I am looking for an internship and i don't think i can get one. Because my insecurities are overpowering me. i guess they already have. The funny thing is when i say i don't think i can get a job/internship anywhere, they ask me why i am like that? why am i such a pessimist. these people around me. they made who i am now. and right now typing this i am crying. because i hate every single person who made me believe i was all that.April 13, 2014 at 4:27 pm #54701
Excellent advice, Chad. I needed to read this right now.
And April, I too grew up with major criticism and rejection from my family. I’m 37 and still suffer from the insecurities that being rejected has created. For most of my life I hid from myself in relationships. I was never happy in relationships, either, because I was still not accepting myself. It’s major hard work to get through it, but keep trying, keep working. Even if it takes a life time, it’s worth it if for a few seconds of your day to see yourself as you truly are, without the labels and perceived flaws.
When I was more determined and working hard to eliminate the awful thoughts, I was practicing focusing on the good. If it’s not good and full of life’s true beauty, I took my focus away from it. After a few days of practicing focusing on the pretty flower, the kind person, the one thing you might love about yourself, it will get easier, and easier… Check out the book/audiobook ‘Hardwiring Happiness’. It’s a neurological perspective on happiness and acceptance and really helped me to see why I have the patterns I do.
When I stop hating myself and procrastinating with practicing focusing on the good, like I’ve been doing for the past month, I’ll get back to my place of contentment and self-acceptance. I’ve been lazy and now I’m suffering for it. For some reason, after working hard and seeing results, I get into a space where I think it shouldn’t be such hard work and happiness and self-acceptance should just come naturally, but it doesn’t. It takes mindfulness and hardwork to re-wire the brain! But I still encourage others who suffer as I do to try it! Meditation and practice.
Sending love and acceptance to you and hope you can find your peace and beauty to love and accept yourself!
April 21, 2014 at 6:45 am #55094
- This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by sandy.
While there is validation to the feelings you have, what if you say to yourself: Yes, I have all those ugly things… accept that is is nothing but just and nothing more than “opinions” you need not become what others think of you not so? Question for you: What scares you about looking into the other side of you? The special side of you… well everyone has one… that is a fact that can not be argued… look into it… Beauty is in the soul, you are special, you are beautiful and that is what you should be telling yourself every morning, do it for 21 days consecutively everyday… and watch the miracle when you believe that you are! You will never look back. 😉