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Overthinking and ruminating

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  jon kirkham 9 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #121422

    Harry
    Participant

    Hi all, hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. I am having a problem with healing from childhood. I am hard of hearing and spend most of my time alone, doing homework, watching Netflix, etc. I know that I want to be in a good career, and like learning something new. However, I have a hard time finding friends and connecting with people. I don't see my family much. I know I life is what I make of it. I am trying hard. However, I am ruminating in my mind too much and overthink conversations with people, etc. I get to a point where I feel that Why do anything. It makes me feel like an outsider, and I wonder how do people just like their life? I am not depressed or anything, but I just wonder how can people just live their same routine and not get bored. I get bored of learning in college and working routine, where this is supposed to be the best time because I can learn anything, without having too many responsibilities. When this thought of purpose occurs, I feel lost badly because at that moment, I observe myself lose interest and maybe becoming a little numb to the world. Also, I don't know what to hold on to to keep myself going with life, without questioning it. I know in 20's no one knows what they are meant to be and life at that point is to enjoy the moments and experiment through trial and error. I know may people just chill and party at my age with college, like nothing ever effects them. However, I am usually very emotional and literally live inside my head. Instead of enjoying life, I get stuck with questioning about life and do not do what I need to do, like homework, etc. Sometimes I feel that I need a special person in life, but then I feel why bother when I might end up getting used and hurt because I tend to be very nice to girls. I just want to get out of this cycle and find something to hold on to and keep going in order to be successful. I need to start getting more interests enjoy life, but how, when my mindset is not right. I apologize for being repetitive. Thank you

    #121430

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Harry:

    “Overthinking and ruminating,” living in your head- that was me. I am still thinking a lot, but now I understand my heart a lot more than I used to.

    As a teenager and much of my life I was very lonely, anxious and depressed. When I wasn't over-thinking and ruminating, I daydreamed about having a love relationship and being popular.

    If I could go back to being your age, this is what I would do:

    I would do everything possible to attend Individual Psychotherapy with a competent, empathetic therapist.
    I would look to attend Group Psychotherapy and Support Groups.

    In these three settings I would be relatively safe because the therapist should be (better be!) kind and respectful and if it is group therapy, then the therapist should see to it that everyone acts respectfully toward the others. Support groups have rules of conduct for all participants so to maintain respectful interactions.

    This is all I would do, if I was you- explore these three possibilities. The purpose would be to communicate about my feelings, to hear others communicate about their feelings and so, to grow connected to my own heart. The more I understand my heart and listen to the messages behind my emotions, the less I live in my head and the less I over-think.

    anita

    #121477

    Harry
    Participant

    Thank you, Anita. I did not post in the appreciation section, but what you do here really makes a difference. It's like a type of therapy and connection. I forgot to tell you that Harry is the account name of Singh cool. I see how emotions guide us that we need to imply some change. However, what I don't understand is that feeling that I am an outcast. I always feel like why do people do what they do, and how do they hold it together? What pushes people. That's what I want to find out about myself. I don't know what to hold on to when I feel like I am not connected to anyone and when there is emptiness in me. Then sometimes, I feel like I get bored easily. So, I learn new information online, but then I feel like what's the point of the information when I am not applying it. So, I don't know with what values and mindset I should live with.
    Thank you for your time

    #121483

    anita
    Participant

    Dear harry:

    Thank you for your kind appreciation of my participation here.

    I too felt like an outcast for the longest time. I thought everyone, or most people were normal, together kind of people. Later, I found out that thee world is full of outcasts, that is, people feeling like outcasts. When you see people having fun in groups while you are alone, observing them. You don't know how the individuals in that group are doing when alone, at night, when it is dark and they thoughts are loud.

    What is the point of reading information when you do not apply it? No point, I suppose. The thing about reading information is that it seems like there is too much to apply. You read one page in five minutes but to apply all of it will take five years or fifty.

    This is why it is better to pick just ONE piece of information and apply just that one for a day or a week. Then take it from there, slowly, patiently.

    anita

    #121491

    Peter
    Participant

    If I’m reading you post correctly you’re an intuitive introvert and a bit of a dreamer. Living more in your head then in the material world?

    In an overly extroverted world qualities such as introversion and dreamer can be experienced as being at odds with everyone made worse as we imagine that everyone else’s life is so much bigger than our own.

    Sometimes to get out of a cycle you have to fully enter it. Like getting caught in an undertow while swimming you can struggle or let go and let it run its course as you keep your eyes open for the moment to start swimming again.

    Instead of fighting the qualities that are part of your authentic self my advice is to learn how to accept them. Once you accept them you will better understand how they are influencing your experiences and then what you need to do to grow.

    Recommend: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

    #121507

    Harry
    Participant

    Thank you, Anita and Peter, for your insightful responses

    Yes, Anita, I agree with the fact that you never know how a person is on the inside even if they are partying or hanging out with friends. I think that I read too many blogs, that's why I overload myself with information haha. I guess I am questioning too much because I have to find out what drives me, what are my interests, and what I need to pursue because the thing is that I don't want to waste any time. I think this may be because I was never allowed to pursue too many interests during my childhood at my uncle's house. Also, usually when I am around people I don't know what to talk about because usually, I am not much into social media or television, or movies, especially due to my hearing problem.

    haha yes Peter, your guess is right! How did you know that? I guess that you are right that I nee o accept my authentic self and learn ways to accept them. I am honestly trying my best to live life and feel grateful of my situations, but when I look at the world through my different lens, I see that most people only talk about fun stuff and materialistic matters. It's hard to find people who want to express vulnerability. So, that makes me feel like I should be more materialistic than I currently am.

    Thank you again Anita and Peter.

    #121526

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Harry:

    You are welcome, gracious Harry. You wrote that you are ” questioning too much because I have to find out what drives me, what are my interests, and what I need to pursue”- when you interact with people, you learn about yourself, your interests and what you want to pursue. Interact and experience life via actual interactions with people. Somehow, like I suggested: individual or group therapy, support groups, other socializing contexts.

    anita

    #124663

    Melissa
    Participant

    Hi Harry I just came across your post by accident.. recently I was also trying to figure out why I am constantly seeking new information, taking too much in, reading, watching videos, googling, asking etc but not applying it and I realised that I was looking for answers… the problem was the answers are inside me, I am just not willing to sit, be still & listen.. I am too busy searching for answers.. and possible avoiding the answers? I know the answers are there. …I am making some huge crazy life changes atm so maybe that means I am starting to listen and if I am I can see why I was reluctant to.. I have felt the same emptiness that you feel..I don't 100% know what to do as I haven't felt it in a long time and it went away around the time I had kids, but I think to cure the emptiness you need to find selflove, to see your own value, connect with nature, connect with humanity as a whole. Don't let others judge you or decide you worth. Don't be afraid to go against the grain, be you, be who you are meant to be, embrace yourself and you will find that emptiness dissipate. If you want to know your passion, like anita said start talking to people, when your feel your eyes light up and you start talking really fast and almost have to apologise for getting so intense then you will see it. I used to think I was talentless but I am not its just that some peoples talents are less obvious/tangible than others. What do you need to pursue? Fufillment.

    #124672

    Harry
    Participant

    Hi Melissa. Thank you for your thoughts. I agree that questioning life and becoming overly introspective is bad because it can lead to meaningless rumination. I guess finding your interests is the best thing to do if you want to know your passion, and fulfillment. From that, you can derive your life's purpose. The more you think of it, the harder it gets to explain yourself. Connecting with people is a little hard, especially at beginning for me. I am trying to meet people. I guess since I don't spend time with family, I put more emphasis on friends. This emphasis on friends can be hard when no one wants to do something with you or are too busy with their lives. I like to be genuine with friends, and sometimes I feel like I am the only one contacting them to do something. This feeling makes me reluctant to connect with people because I feel that people just move on with their lives, and I am the one left behind, in quiet desperation.

    What does the tiny buddha community say about this?
    Thank you
    Harry

    #124693

    jon kirkham
    Participant

    I can relate to this. I used to overthink my past and being stuck in my past stopped me moving forward and truly appreciating my life and making the most out of the opportunities that knocked at my door, even as far as kicking the door down for me to just either ignore and not be aware of it because i was stuck in my past. It is something that i still lapse back into once in a while. Not as much these days. But it takes times to change habits and create new meaning/purpose to our existence. First step is wanting to change this approach. Although that is kind of the easiest part. That's what i found anyway. Repeating the positive approach which has us moving forward is difficult. Gets easier over time. But if you keep lapsing it feels like it doesn't get easier. Just a case of remembering why you're doing your new and different approach. And focusing in what you're doing and why you're doing it.

    Either way there are times we just hate it and hate yourself for this extra time and effort we have to put in. But take a step back from yourself and your life. Imagine you're a different person who is evaluating this other person. This is a method i do once in a while to help me jump back into who i am now, how i've developed and moved on. And how the past is the past. It teaches us aspects about ourselves and we can learn what we like and what we don't.

    And it's not simple. And does require energy. Learn to balance your own energy levels. At the start it's better to write down a planned time that you're going to do things. A schedule. But keep it small and light to begin with, because of the difficulty it will drain you and you will need to recharge to continue pushing yourself. And eventually to the next step where you either increase what you're doing, as in the time frame or you add something else to the mix. Work out what you want to work on. Make a list, then tick each 1 off. Build on it. Never give up. Because with every part and aspect with which you develop, it helps with the next.

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