My ex and kids stayed two more days alone at my parent’s house. The day I left, she changed her whattsapp profile picture ( her with our two boys) for a picture of her and new boyfriend.

But my mother has her as a contact, she saw the picture but doesn’t ‘beat around the bush’. She told her that it was not nice from her to expose that picture since she was staying at her place and that she likes her like a daughter.

My ex apologizes and changed the picture. They had an extended chat, sharing their point of view.

They came back today. She told me about the incident so it was a good oportunity to speak. Only chitchat since they arrived.

At first she told me that she realized that moving here was a big mistake for her.

Then I explained to her that I never pressured her, beg her or threantened her. That she took the decision on her own. 14000 kilometers from me.

That the point. Since we split, I managed to eep my calm always. I never spied on her or tried to ruin her new relationship. That what I told her. I like her so much that I was ready to let her go so she could be happy, even with another person.

I was hurt but for the sake of my kids and her I never behaved outrageously. I did create all her social accounts and have access to her phone but I never preyed or spied on her.

As well I explained to her that she jumped from a relationship to another directly. That she dind’t took time to grieve, that now she is experiencing the loss I went through more than a year before. I was upset, but never told her, when she started dating right away after we split. I guess that was her way to deal with the situation.

I, on the other hand, was not looking for another relationship right now. I wanted to concentrate on myself, my kids, my skills and wanted to become a better person.

Then she told me little about her new relationship, how great her new boyfriend behave with her, how much my kids like him…

I ensure her that wanting her and the kids to France was not  part of a big plan to have her split with her new boyfriend. Like a revenge of some sort. I told her that I knew what she was leaving behind and that I would never have asked to do so if I wasn’t sure that I was better for our kids future.

And it’s true.

Finally I asked her what she told her new boyfriend when she left. And you have to understand that she always had trouble confronting people. Maybe she is too nice, maybe too weak… For exemple she never really told me she was starting to date a person, even if we were still living under the same room, back in Argentina.. My older son told me first and it was painful to learn it from him. Not really nice to hear him saying ” last night, when you were working, a friend of mum came home to visit her”…

So that’s why I asked her what she told her new boyfriend before leaving because I know she is not the most straightforward person. She told him that she would go to France few months to see how things would turn out. Well in her language that means she didn’t tell him anything and that the guy is waiting for her to come back.

And I was right because she admitted that he wrote to her about having to move to a new house, and that he wanted to rent a bigger place for when she will come back, alone, or with the kids. And that he was asking and asking again the date of her return.

I gently explained to her that it was a way for him to pressure her, she agreed. And told me that she will ask him to look for house for himself alone and that ,if she comes back, they will look for something bigger.

Maybe little by little she will get tired of him being needy and pressuring her… But for now I don’t put him down. I don’t want to become the villain, their common enemy.

So for now I wait and see, on monday my kids will start school in France. I am sure they will love it, and she will realize what’s better for them.

Nearly one year since my first post. I was still in Argentina, dazed and confuzed.

One year later I learned how to ride a motorcycle, a car, I learned intermediate Chinese, made new friends, learned a new job, became less sellfish, learned how to seized the moment, become a better person, a more loving father and France won another World Cup.

But the best part is that I haven’t turned into an hopeless and bitter person.

And  I want to thank all of you, especially Anita, for it.

Some update since last time 🙂 !!!!

Lot of things happened… My kids started school and their activities. They fit very well in their new environment. Have friends, speak good french and doing OK at school.

My ex takes great care of them.

About three weeks ago she wanted to have a talk with my mother. She wanted to tell her that going to France was a mistake, that she wanted to go back to Argentina on her own. Leaving the kids here with me until the end of school’s year.

The talk didn’t end up like she wanted. My Mom told her she was a coward and that she expected better from her.

Then we had a walk and she told me that maybe we should move to some place, away from my parents and to strive for our kids…. Never met someone changing his mind in such a radical way and in so few hours.

Then she asked me to send a message to her boyfriend, explaining that she was still in love with him and not having relations with me other than friendship with me. That I managed to find a place for her and the kids to stay and everything was just for the sake of our kids.

I sent the message, the boyfriend send me back like 15 messages in one hour. I could note that he wasn’t aware that she was moving with me and that he was thinking that she was coming back with the kids to live with him soon.

I didn’t answer any of his messages, but he was very insistent.

She told me that sending this message made things more easy for her to make her boyfriend understand her decisions.

So we looked for a rent. Rents are expensive in this town, especially for a family with a single low wage. But we found a perfect house, nearly 90m2 with a huge bedroom with mezzanine for the kids with their own bathroom.

My mum lend me money to buy a fridge and everything else and the rest of my family brought me furniture, plates…. Everyone was very supportive.

One day before signing the lending contract, she send me a message, again telling me that coming over to France was a big mistake, that I was deciding everything for her and so on….

So I told her that I had enough, that I couldn’t do it anymore… That I would pay her a ticket to Argentina and that I will bring the kids to her at the end of the year…

And she changed her mind again telling me we should rent… so we rented the place.

We moved in yesterday. Of course it was not like we moved as an happy family, and I know it’s hard for her. We share the same bedroom, two different bed…  But the kids are happy and we are as well, in a different way.

Big questions are: it’s worth it? I am being selfish preventing her from being with her boyfriend? Was it the less bad choice? Will she leave one day?

Time will tell. For now, first time since she arrived, she can unpack all her suitcases. Maybe that what she needed. To settle.  Having her things still packed somehow made her thought that coming back to Argentina was easier than staying here. I know as well that her boyfriend write to her a lot, all-day long…

For sure I am glad my kids have their own house, but at the same time everything is so odd…

See you soon for some updates 🙂 Thanks reading me!!

• This reply was modified 6 years ago by freddo.