Home→Forums→Relationships→Questioning my sexuality
- This topic has 36 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 days ago by Roberta.
December 26, 2022 at 9:12 am #412654AnonymousGuest
Welcome back to your thread, and you are welcome! “I can’t relax, enjoy my relationships. Last night I had I childhood memory, when my mom told me that one day I will get married and have a husband. That just terrified me! I was scared to be with some unknown man! I told my mom that I will marry her, and never leave“.
More than 4 months ago, on Aug 19, you shared: “I keep sabotaging love. I always ask them to break up with me and provoke them. When I was 6, my father left… He actually used to take care of me and spend time with me more than my mom… I remember the first time I saw him kissing his wife, I was destroyed, I felt so broken…I felt is that this love belongs to me and it has been taken away“.
Putting the two pieces of information together, it looks to me that you grew up with Separation Anxiety: an ongoing fear of being left ALONE with no parent to take care of you. And that this separation anxiety evolved or devolved into a Sexual Orientation Anxiety. Are you aware of experiencing separation anxiety as a child?
anitaDecember 26, 2022 at 11:57 am #412664
Thank you for you answer!
yes, I am aware of that! And the picture is actually getting more clear.
I keep asking my boyfriend to break up with me all the time! I say it like mantra, that we should break up and he has to find someone else better!
he just doesn’t understand why, but I keep mumbling same words again and again😂December 26, 2022 at 12:37 pm #412668AnonymousGuest
You are welcome! So, you are aware that your issue is one of excess anxiety. About separation anxiety disorder, not only children are diagnosed with this disorder but also adults (separation anxiety disorder in adults). It is treated with psychotherapy, sometimes along with medications. What kind of psychotherapy did you receive so far in life?
anitaDecember 27, 2022 at 9:25 am #412691
I haven’t received any therapy so far😂😃😃December 27, 2022 at 5:20 pm #412711AnonymousGuest
Quality psychotherapy can do wonders for you: it can make a huge difference in your life!
anitaMarch 24, 2023 at 3:14 am #416647
I haven’t been here for a long time.
My obsessions over my sexuality came back and sometimes I just want to die, because it is so hard to live with this non stop thoughts in my head. I am scared to meditate, because what if in my meditation there will be a voice that will tell me that I am wrong about my orientation.
I am scared to touch people because I fear to be aroused. I isolate myself from the world, so I won’t get uncomfortable feelings.
I am so tired of this condition.
thank you ♥️March 24, 2023 at 12:42 pm #416653RobertaParticipant
How are you?
I have just read thru this thread & I apologise in advance if I don’t talk about your post sequentially.
Instead of thinking of fixing yourself think that you are nourishing, nurturing & befriending yourself.
Part of meditating is seeing your thoughts for what they really are – thoughts – this is not dismissing them or the power that they can hold over us. I have also noticed that when in deep meditation I am ageless and without gender or sexual orientation.
I remember a conversation I had with a woman I worked with she said she had always been in hetrosexual relationships but when she met her spouse ( a female) it was the person not the gender that she fell in love with.
I hope that you can access therapy that helps you address the issues that surround your childhood and maybe the other stuff around your orientation will fall easier into place.