Good evening, Anita.

I have to deal with one of my co-workers who was the first to respond the night.  He called his boss twice middle of the night.  I went to talk to him and he said okay but not seems okay.  We need to keep our eye on him for a while.

Yes, I would not let him control me anymore but I do not want to argue anymore either.  So I wait and see when it may be a good time or never happen.  I know he wants to pick it up tomorrow but I won’t contact him.  I’m busy during the day and I do not want to meet him yet.  I will contact them maybe Thursday and will meet him this coming weekend.  Drop his winter tires and leave.  I need to learn how to deal with him.  Sounds so weird but this is great practice for me.  Process each word, thinking, accept…. He may be a great candidate for my practice.

I’ve been thinking of the death since last week.  This is a completely different topic but what do you think or what do you know about death?

I would like to talk more but I guess I’m still processing 15 years old girl’s death and I may need a little more time myself.  But I will say hello to you every day.  You are my mentor and help me a lot.  Thank you for your support and kindness!

Good evening, Anita.

Hope you are doing well. I’ve been busy and thinking/processing lots of my mind. Sorry for to delay in my response.
I went to see my new therapist and I think I like him lot so far.  Only had one session but I felt much better.  He was a very good listener.

Today, I went to my ex and dropped off his winter tires.  I thought everything was okay.  Over the tea and chat for a while.  He gave me some (winter) clothes and boots.  So I asked him again, I can pick up all today then he said no, I do not want to clean everything out once…. I do not remember what exactly to say.    He said he will drop my ski later and make some snacks next time.
Nice chat then a few minutes later, he said you ask someone else to make your snacks….
He did not kiss me (thanks!) but gave me huge hugs.  Overall, I thought we are okay but again, every second, he changes how he speaks to me.
Seems like he is a victim of this relationship.  I do not understand.
Anyway, after today’s meeting, I became much stronger than before.
I sent a text again tonight and I told him that I will drop off his belongings tomorrow morning.  If you do not want to talk or come out of the house, I will leave it in front of your house.  No response is necessary.
Only if he comes out, then I will pick up ALL my belongings tomorrow.  If he doesn’t give me my vinyl, I’m okay.
If he doesn’t come out, that’s fine.  I do not need my belongings anymore.  I’m done.  I cannot talk to him anymore.  Emotionally, I was so tired today.  He also upset me I said I will go to a friend’s house tonight (I do not like drive night time) but she called me with teas.  Is she my good friend?  Kind of.. not a close friend but we used to work together and go out a few times a year.  Not a close friend but if someone called me with tears, I will go help them.
Anyway, long story short.  He doesn’t like or agree with anything I do and is mad at me.
We talk but we are not friends….  By him.
Finally, became strong and say goodbye to him.
Wish me luck for tomorrow and I will be back here tomorrow afternoon.

Dear Anita.

Sorry for taking a long time to send you a message.
I went to his house this morning.  He came out and talk.  He was okay and I was okay until I wanted to pick up all my belongings.
He became so upset and nasty.  I asked for my vinyl then he said he paid XXX, XXX, and XXX….. also, I said this is the last not see you anymore then he became more upset.  He said my speakers, turn table, tools, etc.. were gifts.  I said ship it to you then, more upset him.  I was getting scared and he slimed the door so, I left.
I came back and I was going to message you but I decided to drop it all off at his house.  I do not want him to say anything anymore.  I dropped these off and offered to pay all expenses which he paid. He seems so mad and upset but I did not care anymore.
You are right, all he wanted to control and want me to be defeated.
lots of nasty and hateful words, these words made me cry (but did not cry in front of him, cry in my car on the way home).
I need to rebuild myself again.  I need to be strong.
He told me to wish you are disappeared and moved to somewhere else, not the same state.  Why don’t you go back to your country?  I’ve never loved you. Wish you pay back my investment and my time.  Wish you die, etc.
I’m so sad.  He destroys me and crashes me very well today.  This is the last day but it was a very hurtful day.

I may not able to talk to you for a few days.  I’m in pain from these words.  I have not heard these words from anyone before except for tv shows or drama.  I do not have any idea how long it takes to heal my big scars.  I do not wish but I wish I can disapeard from this planet now.  I’m enough.

Dear Anita.

Good morning. It’s a beautiful day!  I feel much better this morning.
When I was there, he told me something illigal issue.  I’m very concern but he did not care.  I have a police chief friend and I asked him about this issue this morning.  He said report to DEA.  He is not your friend anymore but you tried to stop him.  Before he get into a big trouble, and email to DEA.  Let them taking care of it.
Story is:  He grows canabis at house.  This year, he is going to sale to his friend which not sale in the state.  He told me how much per jar of canabis and making money of it.  I told him not but he said this is not your business and you are not my partner either so don’t tell me what to do or not to do.  It’s true but there is so many people seling canabis in this state (we are ok state) and arrested.
Shall I ignore or talk to DEA?  He is NOT selling yet so, they cannot arrest him but they can warning him about it.
Do you think this is not my business?

Good morning Anita.

I love to hear from you.  Thank you!
Yes, he said hateful words and hurt me very well but I do not want to be same level of person.
I was processing his words and he is the weak person and need to blaim on somebody.  I decided to not take these words in my heart.  Of course hurting me but again, he hate me = I ignore or trying to prevent ex from getting into a big trouble?  I’m not like that and I would not.  He was not meant to be together.
Did I answer your questions?

Dear Anita.

True.  As you said trying to prevent your ex from getting into big trouble.  I know this is not my problem.
I checked local law enforcement and they said that related drugs (including selling cannabis without a license) go to DEA.
Let me think about it but I think I will report DEA.
I do not want to see on the tv screen he is arrested.

Dear Anita.

I would say yes and no.  I should have been angry with him but I care about his family (not him, his children).  I’m sure they could not arrest him except if they catch him selling or I go to the court and tell them he trying to sell me.
At this point, they will give him a warning or check on him.  In this case, he should re-think what he is going to do and his children.