Menu

Seeing a man still living with his ex after 20 yrs.

HomeForumsRelationshipsSeeing a man still living with his ex after 20 yrs.

New Reply
Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 63 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #408439
    shookie
    Participant

    Hi Ms. Anita,

    I hope you are asleep and having a nice comforting feeling, I have found in the past few days if I go to bed with comforting thoughts I sleep better and do wake up with a smile when I realize life is & never will be perfect.  We all have good and bad days.  You will never be happy all the time, if your life is perfect all the time you won’t appreciate it as much if you don’t have bumps in the road to make you appreciate the blissfully happy days.

    I had a turnaround today.  3 of my babies are not feeling well.  My Balinese 2-year-old is like a child and is such a unique little boy who fell down a pine tree & has a large wound on his head & I am nursing him.  My 10-year old which I have had since my Precious Mother passed & has always been attached to my hip has a Heart disease/FIV and a bad upper respiratory infection which he has had since he was a kitten.  He is such a sweet boy.  I had an ultrasound taken & found this out. about the Heart Disease.  I always pay close attention to him because with the heart diseases the vet said he could live a week or a few more years & there was no way of knowing so of course he is pampered.  His little sister has a fever and is feeling a bit puny & she is also on meds.  Last is the latest edition which walked in my door one day and jumped in my bed where Takeda was lying and went to sleep, she loves him and they get along so well so I have an appointment to have all of his shots and to have him neutered.

    I decided not to see my friend tomorrow.  I called him and let him know I was going out of town tomorrow.  He asked when & I told him one day next week.  He told me he had a slot on Monday or Friday and that is when I had an awakening moment & thought this is crazy.  The type of life I would have with him is everything I don’t want and if we were together there would be the drama that would come from his clan.  I live a very drama-free quiet life.  I don’t want that.  Having to be put on a schedule. {LOL}~  INSANE~

    He said he would bring my gifts by one day.  I have an enclosed area with tables & chairs in which he often leaves little things.on occasion. So he will set them in a chair.  I didn’t ask when or anything.  He knows I don’t open my doors for guests unless I have a heads-up.  I don’t like drop-ins and he is respectful of that. I don’t know what I am going to do with him.  Maybe it will just slow down and we can be like we were and text on occasion to say hi & ask no questions what we had was sweet but not the life I want.

    I know in a few years if we were together I would get disgusted because he will always have the Drama Family to contend with.  Something like that can’t disappear.

    Also, I realized I love music/reading and watching a good movie, and he does not like any of these.  All he thinks about is work and family and I am a deterrent to that Drama.  Hopefully, I will stand my ground.

    Please smile in the morning, it is going to be a Beautiful day My Friend. Rain or Shine.  Both are wonderful, rain gives us a guilt-free reasons to be lazy and catnap/read or watch a good movie.  Sunny out I will work in the yard and chase my babies around.  I have a bubble machine on those days and my cats go nuts chasing them while I am running trying to catch them.  It is so adorable.

    They all Love me unconditionally, why do I need a man that puts me on a schedule?

    Something funny, my friend did tell me he hears the songs in his head and hums them when in his truck or in his bed before he goes to sleep and he laughed.  He said it made him feel good because if saw me while I would listen to my music. He also watched movies with me and seemed to enjoy them.  He buys me movies because he knows the type of movies I watch.

    I am starting to feel bad for him because I feel he does not want to be living the life he is in and feels trapped.  He told me he wanted a happy life but taking care of so many people he couldn’t.

    I am watching Frankie Valli & the four Seasons Concert & bed full of fur babies and will fall asleep around 3 or 4~

    Have a Beautiful night and “Smile” tomorrow.  Medicine for the soul!

    Good Night my Friend.

    Shookie~

    #408465
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shookie:

    I like how you refer to your mother: “my Precious Mother”. The sun is shining here this morning but the sky is hazy with smoke (wildfires). I slept okay, not great, thank you, and I am trying to smile right now… I managed a light smile… here it is growing a bit, done! Thank you for the suggestion to go to  bed with comforting thoughts and feelings, and sorry to read that three of your fur babies (for some reason I thought all your babies were dogs) are not feeling well. I wonder what your Balinese was doing on a pine tree?? And the latest edition is.. a dog (two cats, two dogs)? You are definitely a loving and responsible pet owner/ pet mom!… A spontaneous smile appeared on my face when I imagined your cats chasing bubbles!

    I had an awakening moment & thought this is crazy. The type of life I would have with him is everything I don’t want and if we were together, there would be the drama that would come from his clan.  I live a very drama-free quiet life… what we had was sweet but not the life I want… All he thinks about is work and family and I am a deterrent to that Drama.  Hopefully, I will stand my ground“- what you had was sweet. Sugary stuff left overnight on the kitchen counter attracts insects.. and that’s unpleasant to wake up to in the morning.

    I am starting to feel bad for him because I feel he does not want to be living the life he is in and feels trapped.  He told me he wanted a happy life but taking care of so many people he couldn’t“-

    – it is quite possible that if he exited the drama-filled, over-worked trap he is now, he will feel even more trapped in a drama-free, leisurely life. Did this possibility occur to you?

    anita

    #408477
    shookie
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Smiling?

    I smiled when I asked the question & hope you are.  Don’t laugh, I found a 10-minute daily spot that comes on Youtube called Elegant Women.  I have seen it a few weeks & would bypass it.  And today she was talking about do’s and don’ts of how to be elegant (Clothes/purses/shoes which I understand that part & is why I bypassed it.

    Today it popped up & she was discussing how & what to do to not seem desperate with men.  What to say & how to respond to them.

    One big thing was to respect yourself first and what you do, do it for yourself because it gives you the confidence which radiates when you are out which attracts men, and never ever call or text a man first.  If they call or text DO NOT respond that day.  Make the man earn you and put you on a pedestal.  Also, make them earn your respect and always continue to educate yourself and believe in yourself.

    Are you in California if you don’t mind me asking?  You mentioned wildfires & I lived in California where a lot of wildfires are. I was in The Military in Cali which I loved except the weather can be harsh.

    I have 4 cats~ 2 Tuxedo babies, 1 Balinese, and a Russian Blue which are all rescues~ I love all animals except a cat person.  I believe it is because they can be so independent and self-sufficient which to me is a special trait.  Also, they can peg a man quicker than I do.  I have only had 3 men in my house since I have been here for 11 years one was my ex.  The other 2 were a 1-time deal and they were here for only a few hours.  If the cats won’t have anything to do with them, they are out quickly.

    The Balinese and Russian Blue are very protective over me and my 2 Tuxedo kitties from a distance sit and watch.  The Balinese were fierce & screamed and wanted the creep out.

    I am learning to take responsibility and control my life.  I need to practice the Law of Attraction, believe it works, and practice it every day.

    I need to start staying focused and stop letting myself get bored.  Everyone gets lonely & should expect the loneliness.  You can be lonely in a room full of people.

    Respect yourself and always expect respect from others.

    The ex texted this a.m. and nothing since which tells me a lot which is making letting go easier to know I am doing the right thing by letting go.

    Have a Nice evening & I look forward to your read.

    Shookie~

    #408487
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shookie:

    Smiling! I hope you are having a good day. About the Elegant Women show: reads like another show with the theme: how to come out on top when it comes to the battle of the sexes: “how & what to do to not seem desperate with men… never ever call or text a man first… Make the man earn you and put you on a pedestal“- the aim: to be put on a pedestal.. like I said, to come out on top.

    You have four cats then and you prefer them over dogs, as I understand it, because they are “so independent and self-sufficient”. Is this what you always tried to be… independent and self-sufficient, within and without the context of romantic relationships?

    anita

    #408498
    shookie
    Participant

    Good Afternoon My Friend,

    4 fur babies I have which are so sweet & precious with each one having a different personality.  They follow me around like dogs & I have all except 1 whistle trained.

    I like dogs & would love to have a Black & Silver German Shephard.  I had one when I was younger & he was so smart and the Best.  He was also a rescue full grown & was so easy to train with the help of a friend.

    If you have ever seen John Wick #3 I believe with Haley Berry and her 2 Shepards my boy could jump & and do about 1/2 of some of the stunts hers did.  Of course, I feel they must have been professionally trained.

    There is a gentleman in town that train police dogs and when I was verified to do animal abuse cases we became friends & I would watch while he was training new dogs from a distance due to not distracting the animals and on occasion, he would bring a well seasoned older one in and I would never have believed a dog could do some of the tricks and have the discipline they do.

    As I write this I am realizing how much I like a person or animals which are disciplined.  I have absolutely no tolerance for the (I can’t) words.  Those words were not allowed in my vocabulary growing up as my Father was in the Marines as a Drill Instructor and then went into the Air Force due to it being more family-friendly as all he had was girls.

    That is why I went into the Military because I wanted to know what he went through his whole life and he frowned upon me going in right out of High School.  I went in while in my 20s after he passed because again I didn’t want to disrespect him and his beliefs.  He felt a lady should not go into the Service.  No Regrets & see why he loved being in the Military his whole life.

    Yes, that is why I have always tried to be independent and self-sufficient which basically I have.

    No man has ever taken care of me.  I have always worked hard and tried to follow my Fathers advice long after he passed.  God Bless his Soul he was such a Wonderful Father.

    At the time I used to think he was being mean & after he passed I understood.  I wish he were alive today to know I turned out almost as he primed me.

    Don’t get me wrong it does get lonely sometimes but worth it.  You come into this world alone naked and eventually, we will all pass so I am making the best of what I have.

    Being in a relationship in my opinion is not worth it if you have to struggle with it all the time.  A lot of people don’t respect their partners and it is not like it was back in the good old days when families in the 50s through 70s it seems like so many families wanted their children to be Doctors, Lawyers, or girls Nurses and now there are so many broken homes and undisciplined children.

    I have witnessed kids hitting their parents, calling them names, and disrespecting the ones that brought them into the world.  If I had ever spoken or yelled at my Parents my Father would have drop-kicked me out of the door.  Not only that, I wanted their respect because I knew how it made me feel to be kind, helpful, and always honest with them.  Maybe a few little white lies if I would skip school when my Dad knew about it and I didn’t know.  I would go home & remember him asking me how school was that day and my response was “It was fine” Years later he told me he knew more than what I thought and his famous saying “Don’t ever try & pull the wool over my eyes”

    My ex called and texted a few times last night & I gave him no response and didn’t answer the calls.  I am proud of myself for your words of Wisdom I am able to get through this by understanding this situation and I feel great today.

    My neighbor called yesterday to see if I would like to come over have dinner and move this afternoon.  So I am going to get ready & hope to have a read from you when I get back home.

    It’s funny because I walk through the woods like Little Red Riding Hood to get there and if I don’t put the babies inside the house they follow me over and sit in their backyard until I leave.  It is so cute.

    Have a Great Day & Read soon.

     

    Shookie~

     

     

    #408500
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shookie:

    I will read and reply when I am back to the computer (smile)

    anita

    #408571
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shookie:

    It was a busy evening yesterday, therefore I did not reply last night. I was not focused enough. Good morning to you. Here (Pac North), the smoke is very thick in the air and the wind is blowing, and as you know wind and fire is not a good combination.

    Looking out the glass doors in my bedroom & see the bird, squirrels…  the opossum and raccoons were on my porch last night playing… I walk through the woods like Little Red Riding Hood to get there“- it reads like you are living in the same location where I am living…

    when I was verified to do animal abuse cases“- as an attorney?

    my Father was in the Marines as a Drill Instructor…At the time I used to think he was being mean”, “That is why I went into the Military because I wanted to know what he went through his whole life.. Yes, that is why I have always tried to be independent and self-sufficient which basically I have… God Bless his Soul he was such a Wonderful Father… I wish he were alive today to know I turned out almost as he primed me“- it just so happens that my first smile of the day, in this very smoky day, has to do with my imagining of your father and how much, how very deeply you’ve always loved him.

    No man has ever taken care of me.  I have always worked hard and tried to follow my Fathers advice long after he passed“- what was your father’s advice? (I ask questions but please know that I know that I am not entitled to answers; please answer any of my questions only if you feel comfortable answering).

    Years later he told me he knew more than what I thought and his famous saying ‘Don’t ever try & pull the wool over my eyes’ My ex called and texted a few times last night & I gave him no response and didn’t answer the calls.  I am proud of myself“- proud of yourself for not letting your ex pull the wool over your eyes?

    anita

    #408582
    shookie
    Participant

    Good Afternoon My Friend,

    Father’s advice~ Kind of funny but true.  I can still hear him saying this to me as a teenager.  He sat me down and told me to get an education and always depend on myself because a man will marry me and leave me barefoot & pregnant.

    It got the point across quickly.  I understand that may sound a bit harsh but it got my attention.  You would need to have known my Father because some of his sayings you need to read between the lines.  Regardless of if it was right or wrong for an adult to say that to a teenager I am grateful he did because when he said that I did better in school, went to college, worked & didn’t go out partying & drinking as my friends did.

    Saved my $$$,  got my first apartment age 17 with this girl and she moved out 2 weeks later leaving me in an empty apartment because I moved in with her & it was her furniture.  I wasn’t going to let that defeat me & tell my father I couldn’t make it.  I purchased a used cheap sofa & slept on it, No Television or anything except my clothes.

    A few weeks later I found used appliances and as time progressed I purchased used bedroom furniture picked up another small job (every penny counted for me at that time) & I survived.  Wasn’t the nicest area but I survived until  I had a few break-ins.

    I was very uncomfortable with that and purchased a small house on the other side of town closer to my Parents and was very happy.  Bought new furniture.  I guess that is why as an adult I buy new.

    The girl I moved in with was older & she knew I was a struggling teenager and just moved in with her boyfriend leaving me holding the bag.  I survived, but it proved my Father was right except mine started with a girl so it primed me to always be cautious.

    Done with the ex & it doesn’t hurt because last night I realized a lot of things after a lot of soul searching & asked myself if we did get together would it work?  My answer was clearly no, not as a couple.

    I enjoy music/movies. a good book, my babies, and my house is lived in.  I don’t stress if I don’t make my bed every day or wash a dish every time I cook.  Don’t get me wrong I am very clean & neat just not 100% of the time.  He has a girl that cleans his house twice a week.  A yard guy & if he needs something fixed he makes a call to have it fixed.  He told me he had $$$, not time.

    Even with the spark we have, I believe if we were together as a couple it would be a disaster.

    I hope the fire & wind calm down or you get some rain, I’m sure it can be uncomfortable looking at smoke and heavy winds.  A very dangerous combination.

    When I got home last night there was a long text on my phone & at the end of the text, he added, Sorry, butt dial.  How could he have made that butt call to me when it referred to me and he has 100s of numbers in his phone.  I gave no response.  He texted again this morning and afternoon and have received several more texts of course I did not respond.  I detest games but I don’t want to block him because that is immature and it is just as easy to delete the text.

    2 of my fur babies are starting to feel better but still a way to go for them to be back 100% & Stash’s condition is uncurable since it is a heart condition along with several other health issues which he was born with and also uncurable.

    Stash has been playing more and seems to be feeling better but I still need to give him meds and keep an eye on him because when it is his time the end result is a heart attack.  Even a bad cold or open wound would cause his death because he also has FIV which causes him to have no immune system.

    I am going to wash clothes today & be lazy.  Music & movies…LOL

    Have a nice day & look forward to a read from you.

    Your Friend,

    Shookie~

    #408583
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shookie:

    He sat me down and told me to get an education and always depend on myself because a man will marry me and leave me barefoot & pregnant“-

    – it just occurred to me that the man we are talking about has done the exact opposite of what your father said a man would do: “He gave her the home & alimony and he still pays her bills and buys her what she asks for…  taking her & the grown children to Florida for a week“, etc.

    If I remove a few words from your sentence,  which I quoted above, it would read: “He sat me down and told me to always depend on myself because a man will leave me barefoot”-

    -and it seems like this is what your father did to you when you were 17, leaving you almost barefoot: living in “an empty apartment… No Television or anything except my clothes“.

    In regard to the man we’re discussing: “his children are self-centered and are enabled by him“- you were the opposite of being enabled by your father.

    What do think/ feel about this..?

    anita

     

    #408585
    shookie
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I have thought so much about others, my upbringing, and looking at other people’s lives.  You only see what they want you to see.  It can get confusing & that is why so many are confused including me.

    My new thoughts focus on me.  Lonely but happier than I have been in the past.

    I may be single for the rest of my life & I really don’t care anymore.

    I am fed up will all the games.  Enough is enough.

    Have a nice evening~

    Shookie~

    #408587
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shookie:

    I have a very analytical mind but of course, some analyses produce anxiety when it comes to what we don’t want to further see and understand. I am concerned that perhaps I caused you such anxiety. I wish you calm, my friend; therefore, you are welcome to steer my attention away from anxiety provoking topics anytime.

    anita

     

    #408593
    shookie
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    In no way shape or form did you cause any anxiety.  I feel I should have been focusing more on my babies & myself than being upset about the situation that has been going on with my ex because they are more important to me and I was not giving them what they needed as much.

    I have noticed even though they are still sick they sense mom is happier.  I have been loving and playing with them more in a different way and they are responding in a different way.  They are on top of the bed instead of under the bed or sleeping in the living room.

    You have helped me so much & I would like you to know how much I respect you for helping me and so many others.

    I have a friend that lives 3 hours away & he used to be a therapist who is no longer and he would tell me how stressful and boring it was sometimes is why he stopped.

    You are a gift from GOD to so many and never forget that.

    Have a lovely evening & sleep well, my friend.

    Will look forward to the next read.

    Shookie~

    #408603
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Shookie:

    I read your recent post last night and felt good about it, but was too tired to reply. I understand that your fur babies are more important to you than this man and good to read that you are happier and that your fur babies feel it.

    Thank you for your kind words and appreciation; I appreciate you and respect you for having the motivation to make me feel good… how kind of you!

    anita

     

    #408981
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Shookie?

    anita

    #408993
    shookie
    Participant

    Hello My Friend.

    Not anything related to my ex as I have cut him off completely.  Since I have done that he has started calling and texting me several times daily.  I did send the last one a few days ago and texted him a response of I will not dignify any of his texts with an answer other than asking what block I was available for on his schedule as it was filling fast. I asked what have I ever done to be degraded with such a question!!!!  And sent a picture of a quote and a picture of LAO TZU reading “Time is a created thing.  To say “I don’t have time” is like saying  “I don’t want to”.

    I felt soo good! (Smiling)~

    My Best & only True Friend that GOD put in my life a few years ago her Chocolate Labrador out of nowhere started falling down and having strange facial uncontrolled movements.  The veterinarian told her to wait 2 weeks and see if it stopped before bringing her in which was insane.  She waited 2 days and said “Enough is enough and took her anyway.  The veterinarian said the dog probably wouldn’t make it home.  What was she thinking??  I am a weatherman, not a veterinarian.  The dog lasted 2 days once we got her home.  We put her in a makeshift oxygen tent using an oxygen tank and covering which helped her labored breathing.

    She wouldn’t eat or drink and as she asked GOD for a quick death if she wasn’t going to make it.  She passed approximately 10 minutes later in my friend’s arms.  She was truly Blessed.

    As you know I am the lady in the shoe with all of my fur babies.  Three are sick and it is a full-time job nursing and doctoring them and giving medicine twice daily.  Loving and talking to them more then usual which I didn’t feel was possible.

    All of my babies are my family and I will do everything within my power to help them to get well and reassure them they are loved.

    It is amazing how all of the positive vibes I am giving them now have turned into bigger snugglers than I thought they could be.

    Has the smoke, fire, and winds calmed down for you?  I have been praying for you they do.

    Are you Smiling?  I hope so~

    Have a Beautiful Day.

    Your Friend,

    Shookie 🙂

     

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 63 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.