Dear Friend Shookie:

I hope that you slept better last night?! “I called him and we spoke for a while and decided to meet at a restaurant.  When I got there he said he wasn’t really hungry and he lived a few miles away & would I like to come by & talk“- lured by false pretense are the words that come to my mind. He offered to buy you a meal at a restaurant (a public place) with the intent to not deliver, and instead, to lure you to his private home so to take something away from you.

“I didn’t see any harm so I went…  he kept trying to hold my hand and touching my hair.. he said he..  had an attraction to me which gave him an erection“- I mentioned above that he intended to take something away from you; that something he intended to take away from you was the use of your body for his sexual pleasure.

“Why do men do such things?“- of the many men who do such things (not all do), they do it so to use women’s bodies for the men’s sexual pleasure. Some men are willing to pay for it (directly as in prostitution, or indirectly as in paying for dates with the intent to have sex afterwards); others skip the paying part altogether.

“I know girls that sleep with men only because they felt an obligation because they paid for their meal, or they thought the man had money and will sleep with them thinking they may get some type of security from the guy“- the same old exchange, as old as the bible: money/material goods for sex.

“Being old fashion, I want to be courted and respected… It takes a good 6 months or longer to really know someone“- I would bypass the whole courting stage (a euphemism for the exchange of money for sex perhaps), and go straight to getting to know each other as two equal humans who need and deserve to not be misused or abused.

“If a man tries to get emotionally involved on the first date“- I recently paid attention to the term Love Bombing. very well health. com/ love bombing (Feb 2022): “‘Love bombing’ refers to behavior patterns where, at the beginning of the relationship, a partner showers the other with over-the-top attention and affection…  They’re already talking about introducing you to their family. They’re showering you with gifts. They might even be starting to say ‘I love you.’…  If we think about the development of relationships, they’re built on a series of interactions and connections, ruptures and repairs... The problem with love bombing, Steele added, is that it doesn’t leave time for that development. Rather, it’s a projection of a bond that doesn’t yet exist...

“There are at least two major reasons why people love bomb: Because of a conscious desire to manipulate, or due to unconscious… someone with an insecure attachment style may love bomb in an effort to ‘secure’ the relationship quickly, out of fear the partner will abandon them.. On the other hand, someone with a more avoidant attachment style may love bomb to feel in control over the level of intimacy. But once the partner reciprocates, they may feel overwhelmed by the closeness. Then, they may begin to resent them and push them away, leading to what Steele calls the ‘flipside’ of love bombing: ghosting”- interesting!

“I have no past boyfriends I would want to date again… I feel so disappointed in people these days. Too much deceit and entitlement is what I feel from people. Maybe it’s me?“- there’s a lot of deceit and entitlement, male entitlement is what we discussed here. Was your father the only man you’ve ever known who was not deceitful and entitled?

anita