Dear Brian:

My suggestion is to (1) Incorporate a busier daily routine, so that there is a predictable, solid structure to your days, (2) Include aerobic exercise, such as brisk walking, into your daily routine, (3) Find a meaning to your days that you currently don’t have, something that makes you think forward instead of backward.

Any ideas in regard to #3?

anita

Dear Brian:

I will be able to return to your thread and put together a thorough reply in about 20 hours from now. Please feel free to add anything that may be relevant before I return to you.

anita

Dear Brian:

This is all that you shared: “Thinking about the past/Living alone, I have lived alone for many years. It is easy to fall back into the habit of thinking about the past and trying to analyze events. At times it can become rumination…  As far as future goals, I am working towards getting a degree online so I can have more opportunities. I go to a coffee shop every other day to study to give myself structure”.

This is what you asked: “Are there any suggestions from those who have also had this issue?”

My input and suggestions: you used the word rumination. Rumination= passively focusing on one’s distress. Ruminations leads to depression. The solution is to actively focus on something positive. Positive, healthy alternatives for you to focus on may be (1) the online study program that you are engaged in, as well as (2) socialization with people in the coffee shop you frequent.

Wikipedia reads on the topic of rumination (the boldface is my addition): “Although rumination is generally unhealthy and associated with depression, thinking and talking about one’s feelings can be beneficial under the right conditions… healthy self-disclosure can reduce distress and rumination when it leads to greater insight and understanding about the source of one’s problems. Thus, when people share their feelings with others in the context of supportive relationships, they are likely to experience growth. In contrast, when people repetitively ruminate and dwell on the same problem without making progress, they are likely to experience depression”.

–  Self disclosure: “a process of communication by which one person reveals information about themself to another. The information can be descriptive or evaluative, and can include thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, and dreams, as well as one’s likes, dislikes, and favorites” (Wikipedia).

My suggestions: maybe you can find real-life contexts where you can self-disclose: a support group perhaps, group or individual psychotherapy, or some other supportive context. You are welcome to use your thread for this purpose. As a fellow member, I will be glad to be as supportive of you as I can be.

anita

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by .

Dear Brian:

You are welcome. “People expect someone of my age to have a career and not be in school. I need to get over that and accept that some people might judge me for it” – yes, we need to accept what is out of our control, including people’s unflattering judgments of us. We equally need to be careful about the judgments we make of others.

I hope that you manage to positively connect with people who are open to accept you as you are, an openness that you will reciprocate!

anita

* Dear monish:

You asked: “Why do I mostly feel alone when I have friends and family to talk to“? And you answered your own question: “My past experience with my family was way too bad, but now isn’t that bad but because of past and some of the present experiences, I am not able to trust them” – paraphrasing your answer: you feel alone when your family is around because you had very bad experiences with them, hurtful experiences that were not resolved,  because sometimes you still have somewhat bad experiences with them, and as a result you cannot trust them.

“From the times of high school, I had many friends but very time feels alone… even now I have many friends but always feels like I am there second… (they) don’t even want to read my texts and… don’t even reply when they are online…. (I) don’t even know what my real problem is and what should I really ask here” –

– Here is what I suggest: go to the Forums at the top of the page, scroll down to All Forums, choose a Category (Relationships or Tough Times, seems to me) and start your own thread. You can copy what you shared above and paste it there, and maybe elaborate on your experiences with your friends. If you start your own thread, I will be glad to reply to you there.

anita