This year has been crazy.

I remember a day back in February, it all felt peaceful. I felt like I had it together. It felt ok. Then the phone rang, a family member had died suddenly, same age as me. That let me to having to get checked medically and being put on medication to manage my condition.

A month later another family bereavement

And another month later my absolute best friend has diagnosed with cancer, she died two weeks ago

I’m not even sure how I feel. Bruised, battered and human. So much has happened, I’m now on antidepressants. I’m working my way through it even though it still doesn’t feel real.

I’m trying to be gentle with myself. But still there’s things I want to do, to achieve. So yes time for sadness but also time for living. That’s what she would have wanted. Some days all I want to do is cry, sit in a dark room and hide, others I want to live and get out there. Doesn’t feel like she’s gone

What I now know is things can change, rapidly. We never know what is coming. Six months ago she was well and had no idea of what was around the corner. I spend so much of my life stressing around work, the house, cleaning, etc etc.. none of it actually matters.