Hi Barry,

I think that what you should do now is absolutely nothing other than trying not to let it bother you. If this is all of the sudden and is a change from your normal friendship with her (if she’s behaving differently than normal), it’s likely just something that is going on with her.  She may need space for whatever reason, and no amount of talking to her or trying to fix it will solve that. It would likely just push her away. So I think it’s best to just leave her alone for a bit and wait for her to message you next. In the meantime, focus on other things.

It’s also possible your friendship is just drifting apart, in which case, you just have to work on getting yourself to let it go. Some friendships aren’t meant to last forever, as sad as that is, and some go away for a time and come back stronger later on. I’ve had that happen to me plenty of times.

Dear Barry/JHK:

On the thread you had and deleted and on this thread, you ask the same questions over and over again, many times.  You probably ask these questions on other websites as well. People answer and you are never satisfied with the answers you receive. Sometimes you say that you are, but then you ask the same questions all over again. I figure people lose patience with you, getting angry eventually about being asked the same questions again, and again and yet, again.

This woman you work with, the one your threads are about, you ask her the same questions again and again as well, for example, you asked her many times if that trip is cancelled. You get an answer and you ask yet again. And then, you go online and ask the members of this website the same question: is the trip cancelled?

On the first page of this thread, I copied from an online source for you. I will paraphrase some of it here:

Emotional Intelligence is a person’s ability to understand his emotional state as well as other people’s emotional states. Your Intelligence, or IQ in other areas is fine, but in the area of emotions, your intelligence is lower than that of the great majority of people. This is why you spend most of your time alone, not socializing with people, and why this sort-of friendship is not going well. You can’t figure out what this woman wants or means, what does anything about her behavior means.. you don’t know.

From page 1: “This is the experience of challenged emotional intelligence. This  is commonly the experience of a person with Asperger’s. Anxiety soars as the person wonders hat he or she did wrong, what he or she failed to understand, or what was missed… With therapy, a person with Asperger’s can learn to decode some of what seems mysterious in the realm of emotional  intelligence. It is possible to discern intellectually what may not come naturally emotionally… Learning helps a person with Asperger’s navigate the complex emotional undertones of daily life. It also helps relieve the free-floating anxiety that can accompany conversations and events”

Also: “The defining feature of autism spectrum disorders (ASD) is impairment in interpersonal relating and communication”

In summary, what I suggest that you do next: type this very post I will be submitting to you and make an appointment with a medical doctor. Give the doctor the printed page that suggests that maybe you fit the criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), specifically Asperger’s.

Let a qualified medical doctor or doctors examine you and figure out if you fit the criteria and diagnose you. Following their professional diagnosis, have them direct you to a professionals whose expertise is to teach autistic people function better in social  contexts. With better functioning, you will feel less anxious, obsess way less and .. feel better.

I know of an autistic man who has a high tech job, a high IQ, but a very low Emotional Intelligence. He is married and has a good relationship with his wife who understands autism and the two of them got all the help they need to make their marriage work. If you want to make your life better, see a doctor and take it from there.

anita