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Tired of friendship

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This topic contains 26 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  anita 4 months ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 16 through 27 (of 27 total)
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  • #307341

    anita
    Participant

    * didn’t reflect under Topics

    #307343

    SteveRodger
    Participant

    Hi Anita
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I care about her a lot because she is one of the few friends I make at work that goes beyond work level.</p>
    I have been trying to figure out what I did to have offended her in any way.

    Or maybe simply she just really choose not to reply me

    #307345

    SteveRodger
    Participant

    Hi Mark

    From the way it is, she is only treating me in this manner.

    So I guess it is probably me?

    Maybe this friendship needs time to heal itself. Because I can feel that we are drifting f apart somehow

    #307351

    Valora
    Participant

    Hi Barry,

    I think that what you should do now is absolutely nothing other than trying not to let it bother you. If this is all of the sudden and is a change from your normal friendship with her (if she’s behaving differently than normal), it’s likely just something that is going on with her.  She may need space for whatever reason, and no amount of talking to her or trying to fix it will solve that. It would likely just push her away. So I think it’s best to just leave her alone for a bit and wait for her to message you next. In the meantime, focus on other things.

    It’s also possible your friendship is just drifting apart, in which case, you just have to work on getting yourself to let it go. Some friendships aren’t meant to last forever, as sad as that is, and some go away for a time and come back stronger later on. I’ve had that happen to me plenty of times.

    #307389

    SteveRodger
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I have been recalling whether I did anything that offend her which I feel there isn’t. Things have been rocky, I am trying to repair this friendship but I feel that I am rushing myself.

    #307391

    SteveRodger
    Participant

    Dear Valora

    Maybe she is going through something. Maybe it is me.

    I have a few possible reasons as to what she is reacting in this way. But I do not want to push her to give a reason. We used to be on such a good terms until a misunderstanding happened, we got hurt and even though we talked things out. It still takes some time to repair the friendship.

    #307393

    Michelle
    Participant

    Hi Barry.

    Your story sounds a lot like another on here you might like to read from a poster called JHK.

    You can see it did not end well each time he let his insecurity get the better of him, making him ask ‘heavy’ questions as to what he may or may not have done wrong. Constantly apologising when it wasn’t needed to try to get over their recent rocky times etc.

    If you want this friendship to last – you need to let it breathe naturally. And accept that she may just not want to be close friends anymore, or just needs space for a while, all friendships go through phrases. Let her lead, don’t push. ANd don’t be scared if it is no longer a friendship, you will be ok.

    Hope it works out.

    #307397

    SteveRodger
    Participant

    Dear Michelle

    Is my insecurity being the culprit causing me to be scrutinise the friendship?

    I don’t understand why she reply me in that manner, is it because she is tired of the friendship? Perhaps it is just simply she choose not to reply me.

    I am not sure if it is worst to get ignore or for her to be frank with me.

    Maybe I am impatient and need to give some space and time towards this friendship.

    My last message to her (which already had been read):

    It is quite hurtful and sad to a friend
    I guess you have your reasons
    I do sincerely apologise to you if I have offended you
    I hope things will get better

    I have no idea what I have done to cause all these, it just doesn’t make sense.

    #307413

    Peggy
    Participant

    Dear Barry,

    Your last message says everything that you need to say.  You have done as much as you can to keep this friendship alive.  Now you have to let it go.  Accept that she no longer wants to be your friend and move on.  You do not need to give anything more to this friendship – it is over!  It doesn’t have to make sense to you for it to be over.  It makes sense in her head and that is all that matters to her.

    As I said in my earlier post, focus your energies on other friends, hobbies, interests and activities.  Be so busy that you’ll barely notice that she hasn’t contacted you.

    Best Wishes

    Peggy

    #307417

    SteveRodger
    Participant

    Dear Peggy

    I decided to talk things out with her and she was actually lazy in replying my messages. But the way she phrase it was wrong, I asked her regarding about why did she phrase it in that way as it is very hurtful and sad to a friend and the meaning of the message seems so negative. She did said she wanted to say she is lazy but she is afraid I might nag at her for being lazy all the times.

    But I told her that it is about the phrasing but glad that she was being frank with me than to continuously ignoring me. Maybe she just need a breather from me.

    But I did told her if I did anything that offended her, it is better for her to say it out.

    But better than I think too much?

    • This reply was modified 4 months ago by  SteveRodger.
    #307527

    Peggy
    Participant

    Barry,

    Sounds as if you’ve worked it out.

    Peggy

    #307551

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Barry/JHK:

    On the thread you had and deleted and on this thread, you ask the same questions over and over again, many times.  You probably ask these questions on other websites as well. People answer and you are never satisfied with the answers you receive. Sometimes you say that you are, but then you ask the same questions all over again. I figure people lose patience with you, getting angry eventually about being asked the same questions again, and again and yet, again.

    This woman you work with, the one your threads are about, you ask her the same questions again and again as well, for example, you asked her many times if that trip is cancelled. You get an answer and you ask yet again. And then, you go online and ask the members of this website the same question: is the trip cancelled?

    On the first page of this thread, I copied from an online source for you. I will paraphrase some of it here:

    Emotional Intelligence is a person’s ability to understand his emotional state as well as other people’s emotional states. Your Intelligence, or IQ in other areas is fine, but in the area of emotions, your intelligence is lower than that of the great majority of people. This is why you spend most of your time alone, not socializing with people, and why this sort-of friendship is not going well. You can’t figure out what this woman wants or means, what does anything about her behavior means.. you don’t know.

    From page 1: “This is the experience of challenged emotional intelligence. This  is commonly the experience of a person with Asperger’s. Anxiety soars as the person wonders hat he or she did wrong, what he or she failed to understand, or what was missed… With therapy, a person with Asperger’s can learn to decode some of what seems mysterious in the realm of emotional  intelligence. It is possible to discern intellectually what may not come naturally emotionally… Learning helps a person with Asperger’s navigate the complex emotional undertones of daily life. It also helps relieve the free-floating anxiety that can accompany conversations and events”

    Also: “The defining feature of autism spectrum disorders (ASD) is impairment in interpersonal relating and communication”

    In summary, what I suggest that you do next: type this very post I will be submitting to you and make an appointment with a medical doctor. Give the doctor the printed page that suggests that maybe you fit the criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), specifically Asperger’s.

    Let a qualified medical doctor or doctors examine you and figure out if you fit the criteria and diagnose you. Following their professional diagnosis, have them direct you to a professionals whose expertise is to teach autistic people function better in social  contexts. With better functioning, you will feel less anxious, obsess way less and .. feel better.

    I know of an autistic man who has a high tech job, a high IQ, but a very low Emotional Intelligence. He is married and has a good relationship with his wife who understands autism and the two of them got all the help they need to make their marriage work. If you want to make your life better, see a doctor and take it from there.

    anita

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