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Too Criticizing of Myself

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  • #276513
    Janus
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    It was fun and insightful discussing time dimensions with you. I have found that my studies of physics over winter break are helping me with physics concepts and equations because since I practiced a bit over break, some of the math is easier to pick up and understand and it makes me feel less stressed about physics. Today was my first day back at college for my last semester before I transfer and I enjoyed it. The physics teacher was great at answering questions and explaining things to the students and the classmates were quite helpful in helping each other understand the material and since I did a bit of review over winter break I found that some of the topics were more easily understood. I am still working on understanding vector multiplication, but I have hope that with practice, I will be able to understand the different dimensions and values that vector multiplication can make. I enjoyed my Anatomy/Physiology II lab class today at 10am-11:40pm which was before my physics class at 12:30pm-1:45pm. My Anatomy/Physiology II lab professor is great at explaining the terms, giving plenty of examples and helping guide students on understanding the material. If you don’t understand where a structure is in the body or are confused on what its function is, she helps you better understand it through her diagrams, PowerPoint notes and imagery. For example, she may refer to the thyroid gland as being filled with bubbles because it makes a lot of hormones to regulate the body’s metabolism and she will draw a simpler structure of the thyroid gland on the board and then guide students on how to view the structures of the thyroid gland on a microscope slide. Both my physics teacher and my Anatomy/Physiology II lab teacher are quite informative and explain things quite well. My Anatomy/Physiology II lab professor has more of a sense of humor than my physics professor. They are both good teachers, but I like my Anatomy/Physiology II lab professor better because she makes the students quite engaged with the topic and helps them along the way and she patiently explains things to people who don’t understand. My physics professor is good at explaining things, but sometimes he uses the same method of explaining things as he does to teach and if you don’t understand the topic very well, the explanations don’t help much. But he is a good professor because he will work with the students and help them understand it, he encourages students to be independent learners whereas my Anatomy/Physiology II lab professor encourages students to collaborate with each other and explore different ways of learning: if one method doesn’t work on making a student understand the material, she tries other methods. My Anatomy/Physiology II lab professor is about exploring different ways to express a student’s creativity and productivity and if students collaborate together and have different ways to learn and understand things then that’s a good thing and they build teamwork skills. Whereas my physics professor is about teaching the material in the same style and providing supplemental information that is in the same method as the way of his instructions for students to practice and get better on their own. In this way, I like my Anatomy/Physiology II lab professor because she uses different methods to help students and this allows them to explore new ways of understanding the material if they didn’t understand the previous method of instruction. The first day back to classes was quite eventful. On my way to the college, there was a car that ran out of gas  nearby a gas station. It was traveling slowly in my lane and flashing its emergency lights, so I knew that there was something wrong. So when the car pulled over to the side and seemed to sputter and stop and wouldn’t go further, I knew that the person’s car was out of gas. So I pulled over with them to check to see if they were okay and helped them push their car to the gas station which was only a few blocks away. While walking to my Anatomy/Physiology II lab class I ran into a a guy who I recently blocked on Facebook because he bullied me because I was transgender and he started cursing at me and asking why I blocked him. He said “I was a worthless piece of sh** and that I was a selfish bi** that only cared about myself and that he would tell some people on campus about what a trashy person I was.” I didn’t really have time to listen to his rants and didn’t really care because I had a few minutes to get to class so I just walked away. A few blocks away from my class, a guy student stopped me and said he had heard what the other guy had said and wanted to know if I was okay. I told him that I was okay, that I was focused on building myself up and that he wouldn’t let things like this get me down. After making sure that I was okay, he went on his way. On my way to my physics class after Anatomy/Physiology II lab, I met my special friend. He kept me company for a while before the doors of theclass opened  and then he left for sports. It was a good thing that my special friend was there because the guy who sexually assaulted me in seventh grade wanted to talk and I didn’t want anything to with him so Iwas glad that my special friend kept me company. There was a girl nearby who told me how lucky I was to have a special friend like him. My special friend laughed and said that he would be the person who would help anyone who was in need of of someone that cared and he hugged the girl and that made all three of us quite happy: me, my special friend andthe girl. Anyway, the guy who asked  me if I okay turned out of be in my physics class and after class when I was finished with asking the teacher about assignments and things, he asked if I was okay and how my classes were. He offered to walk me to my next class (which I didn’t have any more, only two classes Wednesdays and it’s Anatomy/Physiology II lab and physics) so I told him that I didn’t have any other classes but I would like to review some physics concepts that we just learned. So we decided to work together on understanding some physics concepts and we had some laughter cracking some fun jokes. It was quite productive and insightful because we got work done and I learned some things about another person and made a friend. I have organized most of my Anatomy/Physiology II notes and Physics notes so that I will have an easier time referencing them when completing assignments. I feel like I am more organized and task efficient this semester and I am glad.

    #276629
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Janus, Earth Angel:

    I am so sorry that you were mistreated by this vulgar person who said those things to you. I wonder if there is a place in campus to complain about such harassment, something like the college’s own law enforcement agency?

    You handled yourself very well, but what a shame that you had to handle an unnecessary situation like this, a hostile situation. I feel angry about it!

    Today is the second day of the semester for you, I sure hope it is a better day. You are very observant about your teachers’ teaching methods and styles, quite impressive, your observation skills, that is. Nothing is more important about a teacher than his or her ability to explain he subject matter clearly and patiently.

    anita

    #276801
    Janus
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I hope that this week brings you blessings and abundance. Thank you for being here for me and for sharing your advice to help me feel stronger in times when I’m struggling. I am working on releasing stress in my life because I have a pretty heavy course load this semester with Anatomy/Physiology II, Calculus-based physics, Chemistry II (retake for better grade) and two History classes (one is US III History to 1877 and the other is Art Prehistory to Middle Ages I). I am making a schedule and working on organizing my notes for my classes. The homework I have is seven physics problems and I just have to review some things for Anatomy/Physiology and a paragraph about why art History is important. I have my first Chemistry II lecture Monday and the lab class is Tuesday. For science classes, lecture and lab are separate classes (one is just learning material and the other is hands-on experiments), but they add to an overall grade for the science course when you complete them at the end of the semester. I am thinking of getting back in touch with my college counselor who helps me understand things and talk about how things are going for me. I hope to do well this semester because the classes I’m taking will need to be transferred to a four year university. I can’t take any summer courses because if I’m admitted into Rutgers University, I have to submit my official transcripts a month after they admit me (application admission news comes April 15th) and most of the summer classes go from June 26 to August 1st which may deter my enrollment because I still have classes at Ocean County College when I should be graduating Spring semester and enrolling in the Fall 2019. Anyway, I will come back to visit Ocean County College because I will miss the friends and community here. I enjoy being on this campus and my Google Maps calls this place “Home.” Even though, it’s not my home, it makes me feel a sense of belonging. Also, the Ocean Pride LGBTQ club is having a meeting today at 1pm-2pm and I am excited to spend time with friends. Many of the classmates in my classes are quite helpful in helping ,e understand the material. I have already had physics, anatomy/physiology II lecture & lab and my two history classes and i like the professors. My Art History professor is very detailed in her explanations and helps students understand the material and know what’s important. The assignments that she gives helps students better understand the artwork they are looking at and better understand the symbolism of different art forms in our society’s culture. She makes her classes interesting, informative and the assignments are not too difficult and they allow you to gain perspective on why art is important and the many themes such as spirituality that art may express. My Art History professor says ancient societies used art to communicate expressions such as religious beliefs and how the environment affected early human survival. Many themes of cave paintings were religious pictures or pictures of how the environment helped humans get food and shelter to survive, art is a way for people to communicate before the words came about around 3,100 BCE. The history is very interesting and I am learning a lot of insightful information. My US History III professor didn’t cover any material but a general outline of what the course will entail and he has a good sense of humor that makes people who feel anxious about an assignment feel more relaxed. My US History III professor encourages students to express their creativity by debating different perspectives of historical events because it helps people see different points of view and gain insight on why they may have a specific belief, it may even lead people to question their beliefs as they gain new insight and perspective and explore new knowledge. This is why I admire my US History III professor because he encourages students to be creative in analyzing historical sources and to question the things presented to them, to explore beliefs that may challenge preconceived notions and gain more insight on how society is the way it is today and that is what he says is the true meaning of learning history, not learning boring facts and having to memorize things. He wants you to understand why societies are the way they are today and to help students develop a curiosity to question each thing they learn and that is what I like about college because the professors that have different teaching methods and teach students to think outside the box make me feel like I’m learning to be an independent thinker and building experience by questioning my knowledge and exploring new sides to problems and finding different approaches. I wish in high school, they gave students more of this thinking outside the box things and analyzing things for points of view rather than just teaching students the basic ways to solve problems like math is to practice problems until you are good at them without giving the problems much context. In college, you get to see how the problems fit into real life and explore them in context rather than just practicing problems to get better at them and just using different formulas that don’t really mean anything, college professors teach students that there are connections to everything you learn and that the concepts are just as important as practicing problems. Because if you can conceptualize a problem and understand how it works in the real world, you have a sense of how to apply your knowledge and when it comes to the math it’s not just meaningless numbers and problems, you actually have a sense that you are learning something and building your mind. And college professors are good at explaining things in-depth if you don’t understand something, they can explain how a particular equation is derived unlike high school teachers who sometimes don’t know how to explain why the quadratic formula will be important, college professors can explain how you can use it to solve chemistry problems involving medication doses giving you a practical sense of knowledge. This is why i am enjoying college quite a lot more than high school. The classes may be more challenging, but I’m expanding my knowledge and becoming an independent thinker and I am glad for it.

    It was raining quite heavily yesterday and then it stopped and the sun was very bright. It came up and the light illuminated my windshield while I was driving and I got a eye full of bright sunlight and it was hard to see while driving. And it was right when I was about to make a turn so I strayed a bit from my lane but not too much, but I still managed to make it safely to campus for classes that start at 5pm-7:30pm (Anatomy/Physiology II) . I’m kind of annoyed that the sun decided to choose that moment to rise and blur my view and now I’m not driving it’s setting down and not as bright anymore. The good thing is that I have been driving for around an year and a half so my driving has gotten pretty good. When I first started, I had trouble figuring out how much to steer the wheel when I was backing and turning but with practice I’ve gotten better.

    I think sunglasses can help with the sun’s glare. The shield visor doesn’t cover much of the sun’s ray’s so it still shines in your eyes. Some people are bad drivers and they shine their headlights quite brightly at night. I think I’ve heard that you’re supposed to look slightly to the right if you see a car with bright headlights approaching you because the shoulder of the road is usually towards the right and it’s safer than looking to the left where there’s oncoming traffic. I think there’s a rule that the left lane is for passing and the right lanes are used to make u-turns.
    The thing that annoys me is when it’s raining and the roads are flooded and someone passes in front of you from another lane and splashes your windshield with rainwater and you can’t see for a while and you have to step on the brakes because they just came into your lane and are only a few blocks away and you’re afraid of hitting them so you swerve to the side and sort of stray off the road and you have to reorient yourself back onto the road.
    Intersections are a bit scary when you first learn to drive because you have to look multiple ways for oncoming traffic . The intersections that are regulated by many traffic lights aren’t too bad because the traffic lights regulate the onflow of traffic and you know when to go. I think those are called controlled intersections because there are a lot of traffic lights controlling each area. But at some intersections, you only have a few traffic lights on each side and you have to watch for the cars when you go because the traffic signals don’t always indicate all the turn signals and I think that’s called an uncontrolled intersection. Hope that made sense.
    My college campus roads have controlled intersections where the traffic lights regulate when each lane can go such as there is a left signal for the left turns as well as a regular green light for going straight. At intersections, the turns are usually the scary ones because you have to watch for traffic that’s coming straight or turning into your lane. I think that most state highway like NJ-70 where there’s an intersection, it’s uncontrolled and those that have to make turns have to look for the green signal and then drive to the middle of the intersection and wait to see if there’s any traffic before turning into a lane. This can be difficult if there’s a lot of oncoming traffic, then it’s advisable that even though there’s a green signal you don’t go too far into the center of the intersection because the traffic is too dense and you won’t be able to go into a lane and you’ll annoy other people by being stuck in the middle of the intersection. This is why I like controlled intersections better because the traffic lights have more signals and you know when it’s safe to be and you don’t have to rely on instinct which doesn’t always work sometimes and can leave you stranded in the middle of an uncontrolled intersection which has happened to me before. Luckily, a truck driver let me turn and I didn’t have to wait too long and make other people annoyed by being stuck in the middle.
    Thank you so much for your encouragement and I appreciate having your positivity in my life. Hope you have a good Friday and relax some tension this weekend. Remember that you are a special friend and I am grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for spreading your inspiration to help me through the darkness.
    Thank you for always bringing your encouragement to brighten my days. You are an amazing friend and I appreciate having you in my life. Thank you for your creative spirit and compassion that inspires me to be a better person.
    Thank you for being such an inspirational soul in my life and for being the star that shines bright in the darkness. You are a north star, guiding me when I’ve lost my way, helping me feel it’s okay.
    Some people drive quite quickly and don’t take time to look out for others because they are rushing to get to work. The sunrise was beautiful this morning. The sky was a rose pink and had streaks of lavender purple and when the sun rose it was like a orb of golden light that lit up the sky with its rays and the golden sphere radiated outward in the east horizon casting its glow to start a new day. Even though life may be stressful at times, the little moments like these make me appreciate living my life and treasure each moment. I think that there was a reason why the sun decided to shine in my eyes yesterday. I think that everything happens for a reason and sometimes nature and the universe show their beauty to make people look at themselves and analyze how they are living their lives. The sun shines bright no matter the critics and what happens it rises to greet the world at the start of a new day and the sun reminds us that even in the darkest times that you can shine your light and live to rise again. Even though people may complain about the sun shining in their eyes, the sun continues to shine. And this means that you shouldn’t dim your inner light because people criticize you for being who you are. And like the sun, sometimes you may shine your light in others eyes and irritate them and that’s okay as long as you don’t do it too often because if you shine too brightly it may make people annoyed at you because you are being overly confident. But the important thing is to shine your light and be yourself even though the critics will talk and the people who care about you will notice the light and encourage you to shine brighter. You don’t always have to shine very brightly that you blind people (like the sun’s glare), but just be yourself and enjoy the little things in life and appreciate the person you are because you are a beautiful soul.

     

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by Janus.
    #276805
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Janus, Earth Angel:

    A heavy course load indeed: a retake of Chemistry 2, Anatomy/Physiology 2, Calculus-based physics, and two History classes.

    I suggest you do your best to keep calm and focus on these classes, keep being organized with your notes and daily routine, eliminate any and all unnecessary stresses, take breaks to do a bit of exercise, meditate and such, and get back in touch with your college counselor.

    Post here when you have the time and the desire, if it helps. I don’t want posting here to be another task or stress for you. So whenever you feel like  it, no timetable for posting here.

    Have a somewhat relaxing weekend and take good care of yourself.

    anita

    #276817
    Janus
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    Thank you for the quick response. While I was typing it on my phone, the format got messed up when I switched to a computer. Yipes! Thank you so much  for all your encouragement and I hope the format isn’t too bad to read the content.

     

    The sunrise and the sunsets are beautiful things to see each day. I am most excited when there’s a meteor shower or eclipse. I often check nasa or star news just to keep up with the astronomy things that are happening and it’s always fascinating. even though there may be idiotic people in life, remember that you are a special person and that life is worth living because you can grow and change into a better person each day. keep shining your light and blessings to you!

    #276821
    Janus
    Participant

    The second half of the message got inserted into a bunch of coding text, so here it is again for clarity:

    It was raining quite heavily yesterday and then it stopped and the sun was very bright. It came up and the light illuminated my windshield while I was driving and I got a eye full of bright sunlight and it was hard to see while driving. And it was right when I was about to make a turn so I strayed a bit from my lane but not too much, but I still managed to make it safely to campus for classes that start at 5pm-7:30pm (Anatomy/Physiology II) . I’m kind of annoyed that the sun decided to choose that moment to rise and blur my view and now I’m not driving it’s setting down and not as bright anymore. The good thing is that I have been driving for around an year and a half so my driving has gotten pretty good. When I first started, I had trouble figuring out how much to steer the wheel when I was backing and turning but with practice I’ve gotten better.

    I think sunglasses can help with the sun’s glare. The shield visor doesn’t cover much of the sun’s ray’s so it still shines in your eyes. Some people are bad drivers and they shine their headlights quite brightly at night. I think I’ve heard that you’re supposed to look slightly to the right if you see a car with bright headlights approaching you because the shoulder of the road is usually towards the right and it’s safer than looking to the left where there’s oncoming traffic. I think there’s a rule that the left lane is for passing and the right lanes are used to make u-turns.

    The thing that annoys me is when it’s raining and the roads are flooded and someone passes in front of you from another lane and splashes your windshield with rainwater and you can’t see for a while and you have to step on the brakes because they just came into your lane and are only a few blocks away and you’re afraid of hitting them so you swerve to the side and sort of stray off the road and you have to reorient yourself back onto the road.

    Intersections are a bit scary when you first learn to drive because you have to look multiple ways for oncoming traffic . The intersections that are regulated by many traffic lights aren’t too bad because the traffic lights regulate the onflow of traffic and you know when to go. I think those are called controlled intersections because there are a lot of traffic lights controlling each area. But at some intersections, you only have a few traffic lights on each side and you have to watch for the cars when you go because the traffic signals don’t always indicate all the turn signals and I think that’s called an uncontrolled intersection. Hope that made sense.

    My college campus roads have controlled intersections where the traffic lights regulate when each lane can go such as there is a left signal for the left turns as well as a regular green light for going straight. At intersections, the turns are usually the scary ones because you have to watch for traffic that’s coming straight or turning into your lane. I think that most state highway like NJ-70 where there’s an intersection, it’s uncontrolled and those that have to make turns have to look for the green signal and then drive to the middle of the intersection and wait to see if there’s any traffic before turning into a lane. This can be difficult if there’s a lot of oncoming traffic, then it’s advisable that even though there’s a green signal you don’t go too far into the center of the intersection because the traffic is too dense and you won’t be able to go into a lane and you’ll annoy other people by being stuck in the middle of the intersection. This is why I like controlled intersections better because the traffic lights have more signals and you know when it’s safe to be and you don’t have to rely on instinct which doesn’t always work sometimes and can leave you stranded in the middle of an uncontrolled intersection which has happened to me before. Luckily, a truck driver let me turn and I didn’t have to wait too long and make other people annoyed by being stuck in the middle.

    Thank you so much for your encouragement and I appreciate having your positivity in my life. Hope you have a good Friday and relax some tension this weekend. Remember that you are a special friend and I am grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for spreading your inspiration to help me through the darkness.

    Thank you for always bringing your encouragement to brighten my days. You are an amazing friend and I appreciate having you in my life. Thank you for your creative spirit and compassion that inspires me to be a better person.

    Thank you for being such an inspirational soul in my life and for being the star that shines bright in the darkness. You are a north star, guiding me when I’ve lost my way, helping me feel it’s okay.

    Some people drive quite quickly and don’t take time to look out for others because they are rushing to get to work. The sunrise was beautiful this morning. The sky was a rose pink and had streaks of lavender purple and when the sun rose it was like a orb of golden light that lit up the sky with its rays and the golden sphere radiated outward in the east horizon casting its glow to start a new day. Even though life may be stressful at times, the little moments like these make me appreciate living my life and treasure each moment. I think that there was a reason why the sun decided to shine in my eyes yesterday. I think that everything happens for a reason and sometimes nature and the universe show their beauty to make people look at themselves and analyze how they are living their lives. The sun shines bright no matter the critics and what happens it rises to greet the world at the start of a new day and the sun reminds us that even in the darkest times that you can shine your light and live to rise again. Even though people may complain about the sun shining in their eyes, the sun continues to shine. And this means that you shouldn’t dim your inner light because people criticize you for being who you are. And like the sun, sometimes you may shine your light in others eyes and irritate them and that’s okay as long as you don’t do it too often because if you shine too brightly it may make people annoyed at you because you are being overly confident. But the important thing is to shine your light and be yourself even though the critics will talk and the people who care about you will notice the light and encourage you to shine brighter. You don’t always have to shine very brightly that you blind people (like the sun’s glare), but just be yourself and enjoy the little things in life and appreciate the person you are because you are a beautiful soul.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    #276823
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Janus, Earth Angel:

    I responded to another post, not the one I now see above my last post to you. I supposed the format got messed up. If there is something in that post that you want me to attend to, let me know.

    Thank you for your good wishes for me.

    anita

    #276827
    Janus
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    The formatting of the post got messed up because I was typing it on my phone and then switched to computers. Hope your days are filled with productivity and may the light of the stars shine upon you!

    Here is the total of the post I meant to send for clarity (Sorry for the confusion and I hope this clears some things up):

    I hope that this week brings you blessings and abundance. Thank you for being here for me and for sharing your advice to help me feel stronger in times when I’m struggling. I am working on releasing stress in my life because I have a pretty heavy course load this semester with Anatomy/Physiology II, Calculus-based physics, Chemistry II (retake for better grade) and two History classes (one is US III History to 1877 and the other is Art Prehistory to Middle Ages I). I am making a schedule and working on organizing my notes for my classes. The homework I have is seven physics problems and I just have to review some things for Anatomy/Physiology and a paragraph about why art History is important. I have my first Chemistry II lecture Monday and the lab class is Tuesday. For science classes, lecture and lab are separate classes (one is just learning material and the other is hands-on experiments), but they add to an overall grade for the science course when you complete them at the end of the semester. I am thinking of getting back in touch with my college counselor who helps me understand things and talk about how things are going for me. I hope to do well this semester because the classes I’m taking will need to be transferred to a four year university. I can’t take any summer courses because if I’m admitted into Rutgers University, I have to submit my official transcripts a month after they admit me (application admission news comes April 15th) and most of the summer classes go from June 26 to August 1st which may deter my enrollment because I still have classes at Ocean County College when I should be graduating Spring semester and enrolling in the Fall 2019. Anyway, I will come back to visit Ocean County College because I will miss the friends and community here. I enjoy being on this campus and my Google Maps calls this place “Home.” Even though, it’s not my home, it makes me feel a sense of belonging. Also, the Ocean Pride LGBTQ club is having a meeting today at 1pm-2pm and I am excited to spend time with friends. Many of the classmates in my classes are quite helpful in helping ,e understand the material. I have already had physics, anatomy/physiology II lecture & lab and my two history classes and i like the professors. My Art History professor is very detailed in her explanations and helps students understand the material and know what’s important. The assignments that she gives helps students better understand the artwork they are looking at and better understand the symbolism of different art forms in our society’s culture. She makes her classes interesting, informative and the assignments are not too difficult and they allow you to gain perspective on why art is important and the many themes such as spirituality that art may express. My Art History professor says ancient societies used art to communicate expressions such as religious beliefs and how the environment affected early human survival. Many themes of cave paintings were religious pictures or pictures of how the environment helped humans get food and shelter to survive, art is a way for people to communicate before the words came about around 3,100 BCE. The history is very interesting and I am learning a lot of insightful information. My US History III professor didn’t cover any material but a general outline of what the course will entail and he has a good sense of humor that makes people who feel anxious about an assignment feel more relaxed. My US History III professor encourages students to express their creativity by debating different perspectives of historical events because it helps people see different points of view and gain insight on why they may have a specific belief, it may even lead people to question their beliefs as they gain new insight and perspective and explore new knowledge. This is why I admire my US History III professor because he encourages students to be creative in analyzing historical sources and to question the things presented to them, to explore beliefs that may challenge preconceived notions and gain more insight on how society is the way it is today and that is what he says is the true meaning of learning history, not learning boring facts and having to memorize things. He wants you to understand why societies are the way they are today and to help students develop a curiosity to question each thing they learn and that is what I like about college because the professors that have different teaching methods and teach students to think outside the box make me feel like I’m learning to be an independent thinker and building experience by questioning my knowledge and exploring new sides to problems and finding different approaches. I wish in high school, they gave students more of this thinking outside the box things and analyzing things for points of view rather than just teaching students the basic ways to solve problems like math is to practice problems until you are good at them without giving the problems much context. In college, you get to see how the problems fit into real life and explore them in context rather than just practicing problems to get better at them and just using different formulas that don’t really mean anything, college professors teach students that there are connections to everything you learn and that the concepts are just as important as practicing problems. Because if you can conceptualize a problem and understand how it works in the real world, you have a sense of how to apply your knowledge and when it comes to the math it’s not just meaningless numbers and problems, you actually have a sense that you are learning something and building your mind. And college professors are good at explaining things in-depth if you don’t understand something, they can explain how a particular equation is derived unlike high school teachers who sometimes don’t know how to explain why the quadratic formula will be important, college professors can explain how you can use it to solve chemistry problems involving medication doses giving you a practical sense of knowledge. This is why i am enjoying college quite a lot more than high school. The classes may be more challenging, but I’m expanding my knowledge and becoming an independent thinker and I am glad for it.

    It was raining quite heavily yesterday and then it stopped and the sun was very bright. It came up and the light illuminated my windshield while I was driving and I got a eye full of bright sunlight and it was hard to see while driving. And it was right when I was about to make a turn so I strayed a bit from my lane but not too much, but I still managed to make it safely to campus for classes that start at 5pm-7:30pm (Anatomy/Physiology II) . I’m kind of annoyed that the sun decided to choose that moment to rise and blur my view and now I’m not driving it’s setting down and not as bright anymore. The good thing is that I have been driving for around an year and a half so my driving has gotten pretty good. When I first started, I had trouble figuring out how much to steer the wheel when I was backing and turning but with practice I’ve gotten better.

    I think sunglasses can help with the sun’s glare. The shield visor doesn’t cover much of the sun’s ray’s so it still shines in your eyes. Some people are bad drivers and they shine their headlights quite brightly at night. I think I’ve heard that you’re supposed to look slightly to the right if you see a car with bright headlights approaching you because the shoulder of the road is usually towards the right and it’s safer than looking to the left where there’s oncoming traffic. I think there’s a rule that the left lane is for passing and the right lanes are used to make u-turns.

    The thing that annoys me is when it’s raining and the roads are flooded and someone passes in front of you from another lane and splashes your windshield with rainwater and you can’t see for a while and you have to step on the brakes because they just came into your lane and are only a few blocks away and you’re afraid of hitting them so you swerve to the side and sort of stray off the road and you have to reorient yourself back onto the road.

    Intersections are a bit scary when you first learn to drive because you have to look multiple ways for oncoming traffic . The intersections that are regulated by many traffic lights aren’t too bad because the traffic lights regulate the onflow of traffic and you know when to go. I think those are called controlled intersections because there are a lot of traffic lights controlling each area. But at some intersections, you only have a few traffic lights on each side and you have to watch for the cars when you go because the traffic signals don’t always indicate all the turn signals and I think that’s called an uncontrolled intersection. Hope that made sense.

    My college campus roads have controlled intersections where the traffic lights regulate when each lane can go such as there is a left signal for the left turns as well as a regular green light for going straight. At intersections, the turns are usually the scary ones because you have to watch for traffic that’s coming straight or turning into your lane. I think that most state highway like NJ-70 where there’s an intersection, it’s uncontrolled and those that have to make turns have to look for the green signal and then drive to the middle of the intersection and wait to see if there’s any traffic before turning into a lane. This can be difficult if there’s a lot of oncoming traffic, then it’s advisable that even though there’s a green signal you don’t go too far into the center of the intersection because the traffic is too dense and you won’t be able to go into a lane and you’ll annoy other people by being stuck in the middle of the intersection. This is why I like controlled intersections better because the traffic lights have more signals and you know when it’s safe to be and you don’t have to rely on instinct which doesn’t always work sometimes and can leave you stranded in the middle of an uncontrolled intersection which has happened to me before. Luckily, a truck driver let me turn and I didn’t have to wait too long and make other people annoyed by being stuck in the middle.

    Thank you so much for your encouragement and I appreciate having your positivity in my life. Hope you have a good Friday and relax some tension this weekend. Remember that you are a special friend and I am grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for spreading your inspiration to help me through the darkness.

    Thank you for always bringing your encouragement to brighten my days. You are an amazing friend and I appreciate having you in my life. Thank you for your creative spirit and compassion that inspires me to be a better person.

    Thank you for being such an inspirational soul in my life and for being the star that shines bright in the darkness. You are a north star, guiding me when I’ve lost my way, helping me feel it’s okay.

    Some people drive quite quickly and don’t take time to look out for others because they are rushing to get to work. The sunrise was beautiful this morning. The sky was a rose pink and had streaks of lavender purple and when the sun rose it was like a orb of golden light that lit up the sky with its rays and the golden sphere radiated outward in the east horizon casting its glow to start a new day. Even though life may be stressful at times, the little moments like these make me appreciate living my life and treasure each moment. I think that there was a reason why the sun decided to shine in my eyes yesterday. I think that everything happens for a reason and sometimes nature and the universe show their beauty to make people look at themselves and analyze how they are living their lives. The sun shines bright no matter the critics and what happens it rises to greet the world at the start of a new day and the sun reminds us that even in the darkest times that you can shine your light and live to rise again. Even though people may complain about the sun shining in their eyes, the sun continues to shine. And this means that you shouldn’t dim your inner light because people criticize you for being who you are. And like the sun, sometimes you may shine your light in others eyes and irritate them and that’s okay as long as you don’t do it too often because if you shine too brightly it may make people annoyed at you because you are being overly confident. But the important thing is to shine your light and be yourself even though the critics will talk and the people who care about you will notice the light and encourage you to shine brighter. You don’t always have to shine very brightly that you blind people (like the sun’s glare), but just be yourself and enjoy the little things in life and appreciate the person you are because you are a beautiful soul.

    The sunrise and the sunsets are beautiful things to see each day. I am most excited when there’s a meteor shower or eclipse. I often check nasa or star news just to keep up with the astronomy things that are happening and it’s always fascinating. even though there may be idiotic people in life, remember that you are a special person and that life is worth living because you can grow and change into a better person each day. keep shining your light and blessings to you!

    #276833
    Janus
    Participant

    I am thinking of talking to my college counselor on Tuesdays at 2:30pm like I have been doing for most of the appointments I have set up with her for the previous semester. I meditate each morning and night and I also do yoga. Remember that you are a special friend and I am grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for spreading your inspiration to help me through the darkness.

    #276837
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Janus, Earth Angel:

    Drive defensively, anticipate that some of the drivers will be rude and/ or will not be paying attention, will not follow the rules and will not do what makes sense. Just like in other areas of life, live defensively but assertively, both.

    I like what you wrote here: “if you shine too brightly it may make people annoyed at you because you are overly confident. .. You don’t always have to shine very brightly that you blind people (like the sun’s glare)”- excellent thoughts, shine but don’t blind people.

    anita

    #276975
    Janus
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    Thank you for being the inspiration that shines light in my life and helps me illuminate the dark parts within. Your advice helps me gain confidence to not hide my flaws, but to work on healing from them and making myself into a better person. I am enjoying my last semester of college and will definitely be visiting the college again when I transfer to a four year university. The first Ocean Pride LGBTQ meeting was today and the members had lots of fun sharing stories and helping each other understand their experiences. The Ocean Pride LGBTQ group is amazing and always makes me feel more secure in my sense of self, the members share stories and help each other through the hard times and they also have many laughs. I feel like college is a place where I found parts of myself and a sense of belonging. I am still working on the puzzle of who I am, but I am grateful to have friends like you who inspire me to keep going when things get tough. Thank you for being the light in my life and for being the candle that helped me work on lighting my own inner fire. I hope that you always radiate the light in times of darkness and remember that you are a star and I am glad that you are who you are.

    #277013
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Janus, Earth Angel:

    Thank you for your kind words, I especially like the last sentence in your recent post: “I am glad that you are who you are”. I like that very much.

    The LGBTQ group is a wonderful place for you, excellent. I hope you have the time to get together with the group whenever a meeting is scheduled!

    anita

    #279863
    Janus
    Participant

    Dear Anita

    I am grateful to have a person like you in my life. Thank you for being the beautiful soul you are. The LGBTQ group members I often see on campus when going to my classes and they always help me feel better about myself. My classes are quite intensive this semester, even though the work load isn’t too much. Having three classes on most of  my days can be quite straining sometimes. Here’s my schedule:

    Mondays: 12:30pm-1:45pm is Physics

    2pm-3:40pm is Physics Lab

    5pm-7:30pm is Chemistry II

     

    Tuesdays

     

    8am-9:15am US History III

     

    12:30pm-1:45pm Art History

     

    8pm-9:40pm Chemistry II lab

     

    Wednesdays

    Anatomy/Physiology II lab 10am-11:40am

    Physics 12:30pm-1:45pm

     

    Thursdays

     

    8am-9:15am US History III

     

    12:30pm-1:45pm Art History

     

    5pm-7:30pm Anatomy/Physiology II

     

    I use Fridays to catch up on assignments. Lately my gender dysphoria has become more prominent, but I am coping with it. It can be difficult at times and there are times when I will feel drained of energy as I’m just trying to stop my heart from feeling like it’s going to pound out of my chest due to anxiety and I am trying to hold things together with the thoughts in my mind saying I’m not enough. Sometimes I need to take a break from school because the dysphoria interferes with my concentration. When I miss a class or an assignment and my grade goes down, I feel sad and that causes more gender dysphoria. I start wondering if I’m making progress in life because I’m missing assignments and I’m afraid that I will fail a class and not get a degree. When this happens I start to panic and think about how without the degree I won’t be able to get a good job to pay for my medical transition and this makes me feel depressed because I don’t have to live my life in a body that doesn’t feel like me. It’s even worse when my friends try to get me to help them with school work because they think I’m smart and I can help them and since I write lots of inspirational things I am good at holding things together, so when I withdraw from them I feel guilty because I am not helping them with their school work and I feel like a bad friend. But most of my friends don’t know what it’s like to have gender dysphoria that can be so intense that it causes me to feel like I’m losing myself and wonder if I’m just a robot in my life. I wanted see if Student Supp Services for the college could help give me some aid and time for assignments and counseling and I was rejected because I don’t meet academic need with a 3.7 cumulative  GPA. But it’s still difficult and last night, I had a 3.00 GPA which is just above what my state grant NJSTARS will cover in tuition costs, but students have to maintain a 3.00 GPA or higher and I just managed that last semester. I am scared that this semester that I may fail my classes and not be able to transfer my credits because the classes are a bit difficult, my friends keep trying to get me to help them with things and my gender dysphoria seems to rising. I feel irritated with myself and anxious about many things like school, wondering about my friends and if I’m being selfish not helping them as much as I would like to (mostly just reminding them that I care and giving them inspiration or a small hand, but not a lot) and the gender dysphoria about wondering whether I look masculine enough is getting to me. When the gender dysphoria is at its worst, it feels like I’m lost in a vortex where I’m being sucked down by thoughts of who I don’t want to be, thoughts of a body that seems female and it makes me feel like I’m screaming on the inside trying  to fight my way out of the vortex but I can’t so I just dissociate and it seems like part of me just becomes part of the void and I’m drained of trying to fight myself, trying and make myself look like someone my mind wants me to be and I just shatter into the vortex and I start to cry because I feel like I’m fighting to stay who I want to be, but my mind is at war with itself and trying to bring me down and I get lost in the vortex of my mind and just feel empty, anxious and depressed.

     

     

    #279869
    Janus
    Participant

    This week hasn’t been the best week emotionally for me, but there’s a three day weekend because Monday February 18th is President’s Day. I’m hoping that it will give me time to relax a bit. As much as I would like to help  my friends with their projects and assignments, I can’t do as much because most of my time is spent catching up on my school work and working with classmates on assignments or seeking help from the tutors. I really want to pass this semester because it’s the last semester and I need the credits to graduate and transfer. My college counselor hasn’t answered my emails for counseling appointment and I wish she would because it would be nice to talk with her about stress. The therapist I used to go to in Toms River near my college, I am working on saving money for her. She deals with gender dysphoria and LGBTQ club and when I was seeing her, she gave good advice and helped her put things into perspective, but currently I am working on the financial resources so I can only see her once a month which is okay, but she wish it could be more often. Thank you Anita for being here for me. I am grateful to have your positivity in my life. Thank you for being the special person you are and for helping me feel better during the dark times.

    #279877
    Janus
    Participant

    Anita is a ray of sunshine helping me feel more positive in the dark times. Thank you for making my life meaningful with your light and for inspiring me to be a better person.

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