Dear Anita

The last post , November 8th  was a link to the pdf of Kate Bornstein’s My  Gender Workbook.

I’m glad that the call him hunter link has a photo of Hunter that resembles T, that’s so cool 😎

Some things I learned along the way of my gender identity transition (advice for T):

-it’s okay to feel anxiety when starting out and feel confused when transitioning. there’s no set time frame for you to do things, listen to your feelings and do what makes you comfortable. you might feel a bit unsure about pronouns and during social transitioning when you first start out and that’s okay, you’re valid and special.

-there is no age limit that a person can identity as transgender. most children develop a sense of gender identity at age 5. although if children are under 18, sometimes medical doctors recommend puberty blockers if the child is certain that they are transgender because puberty blockers can be stopped if the child feels uncertain about their transition and side effects aren’t lasting.

-some people have access to more resources growing up so they will learn about gender identity at early ages then others. so if you don’t know much about transgender people it’s okay to take time and look for resources to build your knowledge.

-a therapist is very helpful when struggling with gender dysphoria or feelings of anxiety. therapy can significantly improve mental health and reduce risk of suicides and long-term health risks like depression and trauma.

-many transgender people experience body discomfort when they reach their teens and hit puberty. During this time gender dysphoria can be prominent. I think that this is the time that most trans people experience the most anxiety.

-don’t let your anxieties and gender dysphoria lead you to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms. transgender people tend to have increased risks of substance abuse and eating disorders. Support groups are very helpful and talking with trusted friends, watching youtube videos can help.

-remember to take care of yourself, do things you enjoy, go out in nature, explore career paths.

-some resources provide free legal services for transgender people to receive pro bono so they get free court sessions to legally change their names. lambalegal is a very helpful source.

-even if you’re struggling with your body, that’s okay. dress as what makes you feel comfortable, think about fun things you can do like yoga to move your body around. even if you feel dissonance (not fully connected with your body) that’s okay. oftentimes the gender of makes transgender people feel like they’re not really in their bodies, your feelings are valid. it’s hard sometimes.

-and always remember that you are loved and supported. you aren’t alone and people care about you. you don’t have to know all the answers or fully have everything figured out, take it at a pace that feels right for you.

-you are worth more than your gender dysphoria. transgender people have varying intensity of gender dysphoria and some have worse than others. remember that you’re valid, reach out for support when you need to and think about some of the things you have done that you are proud of and this can help.

-making a list of your accomplishments is helpful for when you feel upset and you can collect a list and use it to describe yourself later when you apply for job applications 😉

Anita you asked about why I didn’t really mention gender dysphoria in my early years writing this blog… I didn’t really have access to many resources growing up so I didn’t really know about gender identity and gender expression. But as I got into high school I had more freedom to explore my gender identity with lgbtq groups. Asian societies don’t really talk about mental health much and the lgbtq center in Beijing wad created in 1990s so it’s still relatively recent. I realized I was transgender when I met my trans friend Atticus (he/they) in community college. He helped me find resources and introduced me to transgender people. When I began to socially transition and where more masculine clothing and keeping my hair short, I discovered that I felt happier like I’d discovered something missing in my life.

Transgender people are starting to receive recognition in society and more youtube videos have been posted on transgender rights and transgender people sharing their experiences. I feel like most people realize that their gender dysphoria or have anxiety about their bodies in their teens and as they gather more resources they begin to understand themselves better. Not everyone has knowledge of the resources for transgender people but things are changing and people are becoming more aware of them.

Some resources are

Pflag (might allow transgender to see support groups in their area)

At the broken pieces (story about a mother and her trans son who work on building love and acceptance)

Glaad

Lamda legal

Kate Bornstein My gender workbook which has free pdf available downloads

Lamdalegal for trans legal rights

Pointofpride which provides binders for transmales applications are good for 2yrs

Gc2b, underworks have binders that are good quality

Trans bodies, trans selves

Dara Hoffman-fox gender therapist youtube videos

Jamidodger transguy youtube videos

Hope this helps 🙏

I loved this book, it was inspiring and moving

At the Broken Places: A Mother and Trans Son Pick Up the Pieces

Book by Donald Collins and Mary Collins

This is a great gender aptitude test and I like it better than kate bornstein’s book. I took the test and got between undifferentiated and masculine.

Here’s the test:

https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/OSRI

Don’t fight the feelings, breathe and acknowledge them, drink some water, take a “walk”, listen to some music, call a friend to talk to. people are there for them and they are not alone. it’s normal for transgender people to feel like they hate parts of their body or feel like they were born wrong, that’s okay. Remember to appreciate themselves for what they can do and to remind themselves that they are valid. Self-love can be hard, but practicing compassion and acknowledging feelings knowing that the person is valid can be helpful.

my typo said “take a wall” 😅

Dear Anita

Building things out of clay is lots of fun too. I loved my ceramics class sophomore year of high school. I still have my bowl I made out of clay with a snowman’s face. I love painting more than coloring because painting on canvas is less restrictive than coloring and more relaxing 😌 I feel like when I look at a blank canvas, I can paint nature scenes, flamingos and have more options in mixing colors. Art and building things shouldn’t have a gender attached to them because they’re fun destress activities for people. I was quite excited to hear Zooey Zephyr, was elected into House of representatives for Montana and she’s the first transgender person in Montana. She believes in spreading awareness and love for lgbtq people. Not doing conversion therapy for gay people or lesbians because that’s harmful and traumatic and supporting trans rights.  There was an 18% increase for lgbtq people on November 8th ballot compared to 2020.  Democratic James Roesener is the first transgender male that got elected into New Hampshire house of representatives.

I think that they might provide more awareness for the lgbtq community which is exciting.

The binary gender stereotypes hurt people and limit them. Men who are taught to repress their emotions have high rates of depression and suicide rates. I feel like having mental health in schools, teaching meditation and crafts can help people express their emotions. Letting men express their emotions is helpful. Women are more likely to kill themselves than men, but men are more likely to die from suicide attempts because society doesn’t give men ability to be creative and express their emotions. So having mental health can help reduce suicides and improve mental health.

I feel like for trans people they struggle to fit into society and sometimes they feel like they don’t belong which is why there 43% more likely to have suicide increases compared to other lgbtq people. But with more progressive people in legislature and some schools starting to incorporate psychology of gender courses and transgender support groups trans people are starting to gain more support in society. It’s important for trans people to know that not everyone will support them and that’s okay, there’s people out there for them and they deserve to be loved and appreciated regardless of what gender they identify as.

also, men’s clothing sweatpants has better pockets and more waistline elastic band flexibility. I feel like clothing sometimes hurts people because women have skinny jeans and women tend to develop eating disorders more than men. The transgender community also has higher risk of eating disorders, eating disorders are common between ages 18-25.

When shopping for clothes that align with their gender identity, trying things on when they can is helpful when picking clothes. Also, some transgender support groups have clothing drives that allow people to get clothes that can help then.