I had a tough night with anxiety.

I feel like while I’m functioning, I’m not improving. I keep waiting for the day where I wake up and don’t miss my ex and realise we were definitely not meant to be. But everyday it’s still a case of missing him, hoping he’ll change his mind.

Did anyone else continually feel like this after a breakup? When does it change?

Any advice gratefully received.

Hi Kkasxo,

That’s brilliant, I’m so glad they are starting soon and I hope they prove beneficial for you and really help you along your path.

The anxiety is so so still. So I went to get a coffee near my work building this morning and as I came out of the café and went to cross the street – it was raining – my ex passed me in his work vehicle. I got a bit of a fright because he is never normally around my neck of the woods for work, just very rarely.

He acted like he didn’t see me but kind of put his hand up to his mouth/face to cover it a bit. He couldn’t have missed me on the street. It just knocked me a bit as I haven’t seen him in 7 weeks since we split. Is this what we are now? I’m just an awkward ex he needs to avoid? I felt so sad again.

I’m trying not to let it affect me, but with my anxiety and life at the moment, I have narrowed it considerably to zones I feel safe/comfortable in. My home, work, sisters, friend house. I didn’t feel there was a threat of pain within these areas as I got rid of all reminders etc. And then he just pops up unexpectedly. I’m a little shook.

Kkasxo,

It was a strange one, I had a hood up so I’m thinking he only realised it was me, when he nearly was right in front of me and by then he had almost passed. Also, what else could he do I suppose? I guess I’d keep driving too if I saw him, not knowing what to do at the time except escape.

It was just another example of how I’m not part of his life now and that hurts. To be honest, he’s never normally in my area despite his company headquarters being close to my building. But it was always once in a blue moon he would ever have to go to HQ. He even told me in that phone conversation recently that he’s not in my area at all anymore. But I guess something came up and they must have called him in.

I don’t suspect I’ll see him again, but I just feel like a fool. I’m here pining away every minute of every day for him and he’s moving on and just treating me like an ‘awkward ex’. Why can’t I have more backbone or more anger towards him or something to help me think I’m better off. I can’t muster anything but loss.

Did you feel like this and if not now, when or why did it start to change?

Kkasxo,

You’re right, anger is part of the process and everyone, including my therapist, has been coaxing me to be pissed off at him. I literally have no anger at all. I can’t even muster up fake anger, I try but to no avail. My therapist feels I’m not ready to be angry with him, because I’m not ready to let go. It’s harder to ‘reconcile’ with someone you have seething anger towards!

Unfortunately there is not route for him to get to HQ apart from my way, but as I said, it’s once in a blue moon he’s there and while we were going out, I never once accidentally bumped into him so I can’t see it happening again. We live about 40 minutes drive away from each other. I have no reason to ever be in his neck of the woods, although there was a really good salon there I used to visit, but I’ll just have to find a new one.

I also believe you’re right and I’m sure he was just as startled as me to be honest. It is what it is I suppose. How on earth do I stop loving him and want to move on for myself and stop dreaming about a fantastical reconciliation?!

I actually have no plans for this evening, but I’m exhausted from not sleeping much last night so I’m thinking of doing some more cleaning and maybe try out Netflix…..eek!

Are you going to your sisters party tonight?

Hi Kkasxo,

I didn’t have a great sleep- I actually dreamt I was a plus 1 of one of the royal family & was on a trip with Kate, Meghan, William etc. I think I’m losing it! Even in my dream, the ‘royal cousin’ I was with was ignoring me. Much like my ex I guess.

The mornings are the worst, for some reason, my gut twists and I can’t stop thinking about how lost I am. On weekdays I nip it in the bud and get up for work but weekends, I just lie there feeling wore and worse.

I wonder a lot about when or if this will end. I wonder is he feeling a lot better now and how do I get to that place. I’m looking at 2 years to get over my relationship so….getting older and older in the meantime.

An absolute gem of a work friend suggested us living together given that I now won’t be moving into my forever home with the ex. It shook me. I adore the girl, don’t get me wrong, she’s 23 and kind and sweet and fun. But I thought to myself, am I going to go all the way back to the start, like a college student, I thought I was in a different place now. But I guess that’s the crux of it…. I AM back to the start but just can’t accept it.

Myself and my sis are doing a bit of shopping today to help me get an outfit for my big presentation event that will help me feel a bit more confident. We’ll see how it goes.

I’m glad you enjoyed the evening with your sister, you deserved a reprieve for a couple of hours. I have lots of Netflix recommendations so I don’t know where to start. I’m ignoring any series I had started with him. Time for something new.

what are your plans today?

Kkasxo,

I definitely know I’m not in a position to consider it just at the minute as even the prospect of it increased my anxiety. I think I just need to get on an even keel before I start making any big decisions.

It sounds like you have a plan anyway if the arrangement with your ex doesn’t work out, which is good. The thing is, I expect you will still enjoy each other’s company, but is that enough.

I know in my own case if I met up with my ex tomorrow, I’d love being in his company, and I think he enjoys being with me too. We don’t have any issues getting on with each other but it’s the overall issue that stopped us being together. If I never brought up about the future, or making plans, I’m fairly sure I’d still be with my ex in ten years time, doing along as we’ve always gone along.

But it may throw some light on your situation and garner you extra information that might help you decide what is the best next step for you.

Ooh keep me posted! I’ll let you know how the shopping goes!