Urgent: I have a Crush on my female Boss. Is she into me?

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This topic has 55 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 8 months ago by Roberta.

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January 2, 2023 at 2:18 pm #413093

Swanky
Participant

So I have this Boss(female) whom I think it’s straight because of the country where I live. Same sex relationship is forbidden, so every woman you meet I assumed as straight. She is sweet, kind and friendly too. She is 7 years older than me. She gifted me on my birthday and we bonded really well when she went on two weeks leave via WhatsApp. When she came back from her leave, we became quite familiar and comfortable with each other. There is a day I came late to work and she jokingly wanted to know what made me Kalyan and she asked me to whisper in her ear, but I didn’t lol.

Ever Since that day, I have been giving her subtle signs that I like her too, as in like more than just platonic or work relationship. I will maintain lingering eye contact, she does main eye contact with me as well. I will sometimes hold her arm from the back while talking to het about stuff.

Now recently I gifted her something for her birthday and Christmas and she invited me over to her place. She says I should let her know, anytime I want to come. This makes me happy but I really want to be sure. If she is just into me or she just generally being nice and friendly as she is generally a friendly person with everyone.

But would a friendly Boss invite you to her place? Also, Can she tell that I flirt with her sometimes? I know she is quite an observant person.

January 2, 2023 at 3:08 pm #413094

Swanky
Participant

Your responses will be much appreciated.

January 2, 2023 at 7:05 pm #413095

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Swanky: I will reply in about 11 hours from now,

anita

January 2, 2023 at 9:34 pm #413096

Helcat
Participant

Hi Swanky

In your country where same sex relationships are forbidden… What do you think the possible negative repercussions could be on your lifestyle for your boss being aware of your crush? Please consider that women can be very friendly with each other and that doesn’t necessarily mean that she shares your feelings. It could just mean that she likes you as a friend.

January 3, 2023 at 6:32 am #413106

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Swanky:

“There is a day I came late to work and she jokingly wanted to know what made me Kalyan and she asked me to whisper in her ear, but I didn’t lol.“- I didn’t understand the nature of this interaction: can you explain to me the meaning of her question and why she asked you to whisper in her ear?

“Ever Since that day, I have been giving her subtle signs that I like her too, as in like more than just platonic or work relationship… she invited me over to her place… This makes me happy but I really want to be sure. If she is just into me or she just generally being nice and friendly as she is generally a friendly person with everyone“- my thoughts: (1) Be careful to not risk your job or your reputation at the workplace: you don’t want your career to be negatively affected by what is happening or may happen with your current boss, particularly since “Same sex relationship is forbidden” where you live and work, (2) It is possible that she is indeed friendly with you like she is with everyone. Maybe she likes you more than she likes others, but not romantically, (3) Don’t assume that she is interested in you romantically unless she clearly says so.

“But would a friendly Boss invite you to her place?“- possibly. Maybe as a manager, she is making a professional mistake inviting an employee that she manages to her home..?

“Can she tell that I flirt with her sometimes? I know she is quite an observant person“- maybe she can tell, maybe she can’t tell. I wouldn’t know. My suggestion, again, is to not assume anything, but to go by what she clearly says to you. If she doesn’t say anything clearly, you can ask her a direct question so to get a direct answer.

anita

January 3, 2023 at 6:40 am #413107

Swanky
Participant

Dear Swanky:

“There is a day I came late to work and she jokingly wanted to know what made me Kalyan and she asked me to whisper in her ear, but I didn’t lol.“- Hi Anita, What I mean is she wanted to know why I was late to work, so she asked me to whisper it in her ear.

She is my Manager, she didn’t employ me and we don’t work in the same department like before. We work in different departments, which was why I thought having something with her is possible and perhaps maybe that’s why she invited me over to her place.

January 3, 2023 at 6:46 am #413108

Swanky
Participant

Hi Helcat, Actually you are very right. I don’t want to come across as creepy since I don’t know her too well to know if she is open to it. But what I don’t get is why would she invite me over? It’s not possible to invite some random subordinate to your house. She is the kind of person that can be private and quiet, so I can’t help but think there is something more, if not she would have just invited me for a hangout rather than her house.

January 3, 2023 at 1:06 pm #413147

Swanky
Participant

Hi Anita, your last statement got me thinking, what kind of direct question do you suggest I ask her?

“Can she tell that I flirt with her sometimes? I know she is quite an observant person“- maybe she can tell, maybe she can’t tell. I wouldn’t know. My suggestion, again, is to not assume anything, but to go by what she clearly says to you. If she doesn’t say anything clearly, you can ask her a direct question so to get a direct answer.

anita

January 3, 2023 at 1:28 pm #413149

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Swanky:

You can ask her perhaps (not in a flirtatious way, not during work hours, and not where anyone can overhear; maybe during lunch/ outside the workplace): what do you think about same-sex relationships?

anita

January 3, 2023 at 8:19 pm #413156

Swanky
Participant

Ok I will ask her. Thank you for your advice.

January 3, 2023 at 8:32 pm #413158

Anonymous
Guest

You are welcome, Swanky, it takes courage to ask…

anita

January 3, 2023 at 8:38 pm #413159

Swanky
Participant

But what if she asks me if I am into girls directly? Do I respond honestly or diplomatically?

January 4, 2023 at 6:41 am #413174

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Swanky:

You wrote that in your country, “Same sex relationship is forbidden“- is it dangerous (ex., physical violence) or illegal (consequence: jail time) to have same sex relationships in your country?

If it is not dangerous for you to have this conversation with your boss, then f she asks you: are you into girls? answer: yes. Answer factually and respectfully (not in a flirtatious way). Think of it as a fact-finding mission: finding out each other’s romantic-sexual orientation.

anita

January 4, 2023 at 7:09 am #413176

Helcat
Participant

Hi Swanky

I’m not sure about your culture. But certainly in mine same sex employees visit each others homes if they are friends.

Another factor to consider is, if a rumour is circulated that you are gay at your workplace could that result in you being fired? Also, does the manager of the other department have any say in whether you could be fired? Does your company have a policy on coworkers dating? Not to mention their policy on management dating a subordinate.

If I were you, I wouldn’t pursue this in my culture even if it were a heterosexual relationship. I wouldn’t want to cause any drama in my workplace. Best case, you get into a relationship that you have to keep secret or you’re both fired or worse. Not to mention, what happens if a relationship fails or you’re rejected.

I’m curious why you’re attracted to someone that has the potential to cause so many issues in your life. Is it quite difficult to meet other people interested in same sex relationships?

January 4, 2023 at 1:30 pm #413206

Swanky
Participant

Hi Anita,

Yes same sex relationship could lead to all of the above. But I guess before I ask her this question, like “What she thinks of same-sex relationships?” I want to build our friendship and be sure she is comfortable talking to me about anything about herself.
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