Urgent: I have a Crush on my female Boss. Is she into me?

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This topic has 55 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 7 months ago by Roberta.

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January 13, 2023 at 11:49 am #413721

Anonymous
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Dear Swanky:

You are welcome. “If we are both mature about it, we can move on“- but what is the “it” that the two of you should be mature about: if she can really read your mind and you can read hers, then you would be having a mental honest and direct conversation and a chance to be mature and move on.

“what’s the point of discussing with her about my feelings… It won’t ease the pain I am feeling at the moment. Hopefully things won’t get too difficult for me“- if it won’t ease your pain, then there is no point in having a (real-life vs mental) honest, direct conversation with her, and maybe there will not be a point to it in the future. I am not recommending that you do something that is too uncomfortable for you to do…!

“Will update you on her attitude towards me by next week if it has changed“- good, I am looking forward to your update!

anita

January 13, 2023 at 12:54 pm #413722

Swanky
Participant

Hi Anita

“If we are both mature about it, we can move on“- but what is the “it” that the two of you should be mature about: if she can really read your mind and you can read hers, then you would be having a mental honest and direct conversation and a chance to be mature and move on.

So by “It” I mean, I know for a fact she has an impression that I maybe into girls, but is just pretending not to know. I have done a lot of things and said a lot of stuff that is more than the normal friendship. For instance, last week, I showed her, what name I use in storing her contact on my phone and put it as “Dani my Love”. So this new development maybe strange to her, which is why I said she might be awkward when next we meet and it just depends on how mature we both are. She is not the religious type, she is very open-minded which is why I like her, but still even open-minded may not be open to being approached by same-sex. So that’s why I think she might be awkward and if she is mature, we can always forget the flirting ever happened and move on.

January 13, 2023 at 1:14 pm #413724

Anonymous
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Dear Swanky:

I understand better now, since you explained it to me. “(Her name) My Love” is quite obvious. Well, since she is pretending not to know, if she feels awkward, that’s on her. I mean, you didn’t do anything wrong when you expressed a same-sex interest in her.. so you shouldn’t feel awkward. I hope I am making sense (it is later in the day for me)..

anita

January 17, 2023 at 3:10 am #413952

Swanky
Participant

Hi Anita

how are you? It’s been a while. Thanks for all you do. So I am just seeing her for the first time this week and everything looks normal, although I think there might be some changes, but I maybe wrong though. She greeted me normal without the side hugs and we chatted a little with other colleagues. I kinda have a feeling she has her reservations about me but wouldn’t say, but ohh well it’s cool and I later did some deep reflection and found out the relationship looks one-sided. She never messages me on a personal note, except of course I message her and that’s a turn-off for me.

So that singular attitude has aided me to move on asap. In fact when I saw her this morning, I didn’t feel awkward, I just chatted and teased her like I always do. Just not with the back hugs and kisses. I really would like someone who is emotionally available but she isn’t.

January 17, 2023 at 7:11 am #413965

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Swanky:

Good to read from you again. I am fine, thank you, and you are welcome!

“She greeted me normal without the side hugs… I just chatted and teased her like I always do. Just not with the back hugs and kisses”- it makes sense that being, like you said, that (1) she is aware that you are interested in her in a same-sex kind of way, (2) she is not interested in you in this way… that she will not offer you side-hugs. and that you will not initiate any physical contact with her: no hugs and no kisses.

Seems to me that if you participated in any hugs and kisses with her at this point and onward, in the workplace, you could be subject to a sexual harassment suit (at least you would be if this happened in the U.S). So, please be careful, Swanky, and accept the situation as it is. The Serenity Prayer comes to my mind: “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

anita

January 25, 2023 at 12:03 pm #414439

Anonymous
Guest

How are you, Swanky??

anita

April 7, 2023 at 3:28 pm #417117

Swanky
Participant

Hi Anita it’s been two months, just seeing your message since I decided to put all these happenings behind me. To be very honest, I am still hurting cos I feel like a lot of things have changed in our relationship(I and my Boss).

She doesn’t ask after me if I don’t speak to her for weeks and last year she promised it was okay to visit her sometime at her place, but she never talked about it since then.

I do ask her out to hangout sometime, but she never gives a positive response, instead she’d say she will be the one to invite me not me inviting her.

she neither wants to be my friend nor girlfriend and it hurts, but already she told me why though, she claims she wants to keep a small circle and she knows the type of friendship I want.

I still don’t understand why you are nice to people and don’t want to be close friends with them, I mean we got up to that point.

We have a working relationship though, but not as close as before.

straight girls are mean to be honest, why do you play with peoples feelings like that, after giving them green light?

I really I am trying to understand what I did wrong, cos she is sort of being avoidant and won’t say. Is she irritated by my actions and body language that I maybe interested in her or what exactly? Cos I refuse to believe this is about what work and her being to busy to follow up with me like she used to.

I just need a straight field opinion on this.

April 7, 2023 at 3:31 pm #417118

Swanky
Participant

I just need a straight person’s opinion on this. It’s not like I have told her I have feelings for her or I am in love with her. I haven’t even attempted to kiss her on the lip before asides just normal pecks which everyone does. The French people do it a lot, so it’s really not that big of a deal.

April 9, 2023 at 9:50 am #417125

Roberta
Participant

Dear Swanky

I guess part of a managers job is to try to have a harmonious and friendly workplace. This is easier if they are open and approachable, which I guess she was towards you and you may have misread or over emphasized the personalization of her demeanor with you. I guess that once she realised that the work relationship had slipped into something more personal from your side that she had to make interactions with you more formal & professional than before.

April 10, 2023 at 1:47 am #417141

Swanky
Participant

Hi Roberta,
thanks for your response. Like you said I guess the relationship is becoming too personal for her, but I wish she could just open up to me about it. I think I would be happier if I knew what she was thinking and if I had crossed boundaries in anyway, but not chatting with me as before, leaves me worried. I wish had a little closure though, that’s all I ask for at this point but asking her direct questions about her attitude changing towards me, she won’t say the truth rather she will deny it, so I don’t ask.
Also, she isn’t one to talk much, often times she is emotionless and prefers to not just talk about things.
perhaps I just need time, rather than overthinking were I went wrong in our connection.

April 10, 2023 at 5:37 am #417146

Roberta
Participant

Dear Swanky

she neither wants to be my friend nor girlfriend and it hurts, but already she told me why though, she claims she wants to keep a small circle and she knows the type of friendship I want. There you see she has already given you the answer. You just dont like it and no one should be forced to have to explain themselves time & time again nor should they coerced into a relationship especially if it is illegal or inappropriate. I am not denying either your feelings for her or the hurt you are presently feeling, but in a way they are a separate issue to your boss as a person. I suggest you read the Dalai Lama’s book the Art of Happiness.
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