A few months ago while watching Brene Brown’s Tedtalk I heard the voice of my own shame.

I sat with it for an afternoon and realized just how much of my life is affected by this underlying feeling; how I carry myself, my defense mechanisms, many of my goals and the depths of my relationships. For a few days I mulled it over. It didn’t make sense to me how we can so easily be convinced of such foolish things.

Over the course of the past few months, I’ve caught myself in feeling that general sense of panic; “I haven’t done enough.” “I’m not successful enough.” “I’m never going to find her.” etc. etc. Instead of fighting it I’ve sat with it; owned the feeling and talked to it. Some of the most important words that came from those talks were “You are not broken.”

I have my fair share of scars; I am partially responsible for a few as well. I’m pretty sure that some of my scars have faded, and others will last a lifetime. But, one thing I will continue to remind myself that I am Unbroken.

Thanks for reading….LOVE YOUR FACE!!

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I think shame starts in childhood, and it just keeps repeating itself through adult hood. That is, until we finally break down and recognize it, and feel it. What we feel we heal.

I remember the first time I felt shame was the first day of kindergarten. All the kids were talking and playing, and I didn’t really know how to communicate with them. At home, my mom didn’t really talk with us, she mostly just commanded us to do things. That is all I knew, how to do things for others.

So anyway, halfway through the first day of school a little girl asked me to fix her hair. I got excited because I knew how to do that. After all, I spent hours fixing my mom’s hair at home. I had barely started making my classmate a braid when the teacher called me out. She told me to stop, and If I did it again I would get my name on the board. I remember feeling so shameful, because the teacher was basically taking away the only voice I had, the only way I knew how to communicate with my classmates.

I know it isn’t the teachers fault, how the heck was she supposed to know what went on at home. However, I spent a lifetime dealing with the shame of believing my voice was bad, and not important. There is a lot more to that story, LOL, but you get the jest.

However, there is always a blessing behind our pain. Although it took a while, once I was able to face the shame and feel it – I became alive again. Let me tell you, there is nothing like the feeling of “taking your first breath” again. This life is an awesome awesome ride.

• This reply was modified 11 years, 8 months ago by Melinda Gonzalez.
• This reply was modified 11 years, 8 months ago by Melinda Gonzalez.

Thanks for the reassurance Kelly. I did have a mix and muddle of emotions when going through IVF, I’m sure the hormones didn’t help. I don’t think I’m far off breaking the old bad habit of shame – it is just that – a bad habit!