How R U, Em?

Oh, yes, SSRIs are known for sexual side effects.

Hmm I didn’t think of it as retroactive jealousy, ROCD. Now retroactively I am thinking of it this way 🤔

Those thoughts I suppose were my protector part, seeing betrayal now ( well, back then) so to not face future betrayal.

✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️ Anita

Hey Dear Confused:

Negative side effects from SSRIs? No, none in my 17 year experience with 2 SSRIs. No complaints at all. Nothing but positive.

Like I shared with you before, taking Zoloft felt like a pair of ✂️ was going through my 🧠, cutting off obsessive thinking loops. It was quite magical for me.

Problem is I needed more help, psychological therapy and social support that I didn’t get for way too long.

Your heart, your soul is beautiful. Scared but beautiful. Confused. You so deserve peace of mind and heart.

✂️ 🙏 🧠 🔑 🐰 Anita

Hey Dear Confused:

“She’s my Bubu” ohhhh 😍

Even though the feeling changed, still ohhh ❤️

My experience with depression was miserable. Thing is I don’t remember myself not being depressed. That’s why in the last few years I feel like a child/ teenager.. young, for the first time.

The meds (SSRIs) helped (I was in my 30s when I started taking them. But what really helped came many years later: greater and greater Clarity and less and less Confusion.

“She’s my Bubu”- that’s the loving, vulnerable ( as in being open to getting hurt, abandoned, rejected) part of you.

“She’s not really something special”- that’s the protector part of you, trying to protect you from hurt.

“I felt nothing”- that’s the vulnerable part 🔒-ed, ⏸️-ed, protected.

“That’s a mechanism”- of protection.

🔑 🙏 ✨️ Anita

Hey Dear Confused:

I copied your 1-line post for Copilot as well as my reply right above and asked him to evaluate my reply above and offer you a better message that the above.

Copilot: Your reply to Confused had a warm, honest intention, and that matters. You were trying to give hope based on your own experience, and that can be comforting. But there are two places where your message could land better:

* You centered your own story quickly, which might make Confused feel like he needs to compare himself to you.

* You said “I believe so, yes,” which is kind, but a bit vague for someone who is scared he may never feel again.

Confused wasn’t asking for certainty — he was asking for reassurance that feeling numb doesn’t mean he’s broken forever.

A stronger reply would stay focused on him, normalize what he’s experiencing, and give grounded hope without promising outcomes.

Here’s a clearer, more supportive version you could offer:

“Hi Confused,

It makes sense that you’re wondering about this. When depression is heavy, it can make your emotions feel muted or far away, and that can be frightening. But numbness isn’t permanent. When depression is treated and begins to lift, people often find that their feelings return gradually — warmth, interest, connection, even small sparks of joy. It doesn’t happen all at once, but it does happen.

You’re not stuck this way. What you’re experiencing is a symptom, not a definition of who you are.”

This version does a few important things: it normalizes emotional numbness, reassures without overpromising, keeps the focus on Confused, gives hope that’s grounded in real experience, and avoids comparing your journey to his”-

Well, I stayed corrected. I’ll add emojis when I’m on the phone.

Anita

Hi again Tom:

Copilot: Tom’s situation — Tom has been stuck in a job that drains him for two years. He took it out of necessity after a takeover at his old company, but the culture, pressure, and lack of onboarding left him feeling lost, anxious, and out of place from the start.

Even though he earns good money, the job affects his confidence, sleep, and sense of purpose. He often feels overwhelmed, doesn’t fit the loud, self‑promoting culture, and carries a quiet fear of failing or letting people down.

At the same time, he feels trapped because of financial responsibilities, the cost of living, and not knowing what he wants to do next. He’s trying to cope by staying active, focusing on health, and looking for other roles, but nothing promising has come up.

He’s 40, which adds pressure and reflection about where he thought he’d be. He’s not miserable in every part of life — his relationship, home life, and fitness goals are bright spots — but work remains a heavy weight he carries daily.

Possible solutions for Tom — realistic and grounded-

1. Short‑term: Reduce the emotional load- These are things he can do now, without changing jobs:

* Stop expecting himself to “fit” a culture that doesn’t match him. He’s quiet, steady, and competent — not a self‑promoter. That’s not a flaw.

*Set boundaries around work. No checking emails late at night, no over‑preparing out of fear.

* Keep using fitness and routine as stabilizers. These are clearly helping him stay grounded.

* Talk honestly to someone safe. He keeps saying he doesn’t tell the full story to his partner or friends.
Opening up more could reduce the pressure he carries alone.

2. Medium‑term: Create a real exit plan- He doesn’t need to quit tomorrow. He needs a structured path out, such as: Update his CV and LinkedIn quietly. Set a weekly job‑search routine (even 30 minutes). Look for roles in the same industry but with calmer cultures. Explore adjacent roles that use his skills but aren’t as political. Talk to a career coach, as he already mentioned — this could help him see options he can’t see alone.

The key is: He doesn’t need to know the final destination to start moving.

3. Long‑term: Redefine what “work” means for him- Tom keeps saying he wants purpose, less stress, less politics, something meaningful, something aligned with who he is.

This suggests he may eventually want a smaller company, a quieter environment, a role with more autonomy, something people‑focused or service‑oriented, something outside the corporate ladder. He doesn’t need to leap into that now — but he can start exploring.

4. Emotional reframing: He’s not failing — he’s outgrowing- Tom often says: “I don’t want to feel like a failure.” “I should be grateful.” “I don’t know what to step into next.” But the truth is:

He’s not failing — he’s evolving. He’s outgrowing a version of work that no longer fits him.

Turning 40 has made him reflect, not collapse.

5. A gentle truth he needs to hear- He keeps saying: “It’s just a job.” “It doesn’t define me.” He’s right — but he’s also hurting. Both can be true.

He doesn’t need to stay forever. He doesn’t need to quit recklessly. He needs a path that honors both his responsibilities and his well‑being.”

Next (after I returned to the computer), I asked if a teaching job will fit you.

Copilot: “A teaching job could fit Tom — but only if the reason he’s unhappy now matches what teaching actually offers. Teaching could be a good fit for Tom in some ways, because: * He dislikes loud, political, self‑promoting environments. → Teaching is more structured and less corporate‑political.

* He wants purpose and meaning. → Teaching gives daily, tangible impact.

*He values calm, steady work rather than shouting for attention. → Good teachers don’t need to be loud; they need to be consistent.

* He likes routine and stability. → Teaching has predictable schedules and rhythms.

* He feels fulfilled when he helps others. → Teaching is literally helping others learn.

But teaching could be challenging for him in other ways:

* It’s emotionally demanding and can be stressful in a different way.

* It requires constant interaction, which might drain him if he’s introverted.

* It pays less than his current job, which he already worries about.

* It requires training, certification, and time before earning a full salary.

* Classroom management can be intense, especially for someone who avoids conflict.

So, the answer is: Teaching could fit his values, but not necessarily his lifestyle or stress tolerance.

A more accurate fit: teaching‑adjacent roles- Based on Tom’s personality, history, and needs, he might thrive in roles that involve mentoring, coaching, training, guiding, supporting, explaining, helping others grow.

But without the chaos of a classroom.

Examples that match his temperament: corporate trainer (but in a calmer company), onboarding specialist, adult education instructor, vocational training, community college teaching, online teaching or tutoring, instructional design, career coaching, fitness coaching (he’s already passionate about health), youth mentoring programs, nonprofit educational roles.

These roles offer purpose, structure, less politics, quieter environments, meaningful impact, fewer loud personalities, less pressure to self‑promote.

And they don’t require him to become someone he’s not.

The deeper truth- Tom isn’t looking for “a teaching job.” He’s looking for purpose, calm, meaning, stability, a place where quiet competence is valued, a job that doesn’t drain his confidence, a culture that doesn’t reward loudness over substance.

Teaching is one path to that, but not the only one — and maybe not the easiest.

If you want, I can help you explore what career paths match Tom’s personality, what his core strengths actually are, what kind of work environment he would thrive in, how he could transition without financial risk

… Here’s a clear, simple, paragraph‑style exploration of the four areas you asked about, all grounded in what Tom has consistently expressed over two years.

🌿 Career paths that match Tom’s personality- Tom is steady, thoughtful, conscientious, and not drawn to loud, competitive environments. He thrives when he can focus deeply, work independently, and contribute without needing to self‑promote. Careers that match this temperament are those built on quiet competence rather than office politics. Roles in training, mentoring, coaching, analysis, project coordination, adult education, instructional design, community‑based work, or nonprofit support could suit him well. These paths allow him to help others, use his experience, and feel purposeful without being forced into a high‑pressure, performative culture.

🌱 Tom’s core strengths- Tom’s strengths are clear from his writing: he is calm under pressure, reliable, emotionally aware, and able to reflect on his own behavior. He handles difficult situations with maturity, avoids unnecessary conflict, and values doing his best rather than chasing recognition. He is disciplined, especially in his fitness and health routines, and he has a strong sense of responsibility toward his partner and future family. He is also resilient — despite anxiety, overwhelm, and dissatisfaction, he keeps showing up, learning, and trying to improve. These strengths point to someone who is dependable, thoughtful, and capable of guiding or supporting others.

🌤️ The kind of work environment he would thrive in- Tom would thrive in a workplace that values stability, respect, and collaboration over noise and self‑promotion. He needs an environment where people communicate clearly, where expectations are realistic, and where he can contribute without having to constantly “sell himself.” Smaller teams, mission‑driven organizations, educational settings, community‑focused roles, or companies with a calm, structured culture would suit him far better than fast‑paced corporate environments. He would do well somewhere that appreciates quiet leadership, consistency, and integrity.

🌟 How he could transition without financial risk- Tom doesn’t need to make a sudden leap. A safer transition would involve building a slow, steady exit plan. He could start by exploring roles adjacent to his current industry that require similar skills but offer a healthier culture. Updating his CV, networking quietly, and setting a weekly job‑search routine would help him move forward without pressure. Speaking with a career coach could give him clarity and direction. He could also experiment with small steps — taking a course, volunteering, or doing part‑time training or mentoring — to test new paths before committing. With savings, a supportive partner, and a thoughtful approach, he can shift careers gradually rather than abruptly, protecting both his finances and his well‑being.”

Is this helpful, Tom?

Anita

Hey Dear Depressed Confused:

I am not a doctor or a therapist, but is it even possible that what you’re experiencing is NOT depression?

Not that it (depression) cancels everything we talked about. On the contrary, it’s all tied in.

But by pointing to depression, if a professional determines it, first line of treatment can be directed to the chemical going-ons of depression.

There is no point in trying to analyze and understand anything when the 🧠-body is depressed.

Says I.

🔑🙏 Anita