“What is the word”?

My answer: it’s little boys 👦s and girls 👧s looking for certainty, for assurance, for safety, for calm.

Looking for that- as children, teenagers, in our 20s and 30s- And on and on, until..

Until we surrender to the uncertainty of it all to how little control we truly have, to.. how much we humbly (humbly) need each other.

🤍 👧 👦 🤍 Anita

And this role reversal happens when a child has to.. parent the parent because the parent is a child who’se out of control (my experience )

So. what could be fun (careless, spontaneous, whatever happens – happens) becomes unpleasant?

The fearing closeness point- her writing you a poem comes to mind, expressing feeling close to you, and best I remember, that scared you and was part of what led you to “suddenly fell out of love” experience (the title of this thread) no?

👀

Dear Ivy:

Good to read that you are feeling better, Ivy!

For recommendations, you might like older 2D animated series, classic family movies, or some hidden‑gem adventure cartoons.

Again, I’m glad you’re feeling better and finding comfort in drawing and writing 🙂

Anita

Hey Confused:

Confused, Dec 19, 2025 (page 14): “The relationship with my mother was very chaotic, violence and arguing constantly, throwing some awkward affection here and there, then rinse and repeat. I can’t remember if I was dissociating when I was a kid, definitely trying to escape in imaginary worlds and games though..”

Confused, Dec 20: “I am disorganized attached”.

Confused, Dec 22: “If they weren’t fighting each other, they were calm which meant either distant or that a fight would break out soon, even with me… I was the one she was leaning on while confessing her issues with my father, relationship things and dislikes, to which I would only respond ‘just break up’ because that was the only thing making sense to me at the age of 11… Since I am a male, I would fight back and things would escalate pretty badly, especially after my body started developing and I was able to overpower her.”

Confused, Jan 17, 2026 (page 31): “I honestly can’t connect the two (my experience with her and me growing up)”.

You’re saying, Confused, that:

* You don’t see how your childhood affected you.

* You don’t think the past shaped your adult behavior.

* You don’t make emotional links between then and now.

I researched it this morning, and I read that you are not alone, Confused, in that many adults with disorganized attachment have no internal “story” that connects their childhood to their adult struggles. They feel the symptoms — anxiety, depression, dissociation, confusion — but they don’t know why.

This is exactly what dissociation does: it disconnects events from feelings. It separates memory from meaning. It protects the child by numbing awareness.

So, as an adult, one may remember facts but not impact. That’s dissociation doing its job.

When growing up in chaos, it feels normal, as in just-how-things-were. Adults who grew up like this often say: “It wasn’t that bad.”, “Other people had it worse.”, “I don’t think it affected me.”.

Many trauma survivors disconnect the past from the present, minimize the impact of the past and in so doing, protecting themselves from overwhelming feelings. It’s especially common in men who had to “be strong” or fight back as boys.

Back to what you said yesterday, “”I honestly can’t connect the two (my experience with her and me growing up)”.”-

Now that I understand better, I am determined to not pressure you whatsoever to connect the two. You will when you are ready.

Here in this thread, you are welcome to share whatever crosses your mind or heart, at your own pace. Or not at all- your choice 🙂

🤍 Anita

Hey Confused:

“I honestly can’t connect.. my experience with her (your mother) and growing up”-

Sit with this sentence for a moment.

You grew up with her, right?

You can’t connect..what?

🤍 Anita