Thank you for telling me honestly and straightforwardly how you feel about what I wrote.

I guess it’s my passion to understand how our childhoods lead to our adult life experiences. We humans are so similar in how we respond to early life experiences.

I didn’t mean to reduce you to a theory. I just see us all as reactors to childhood experiences in the same ways, or by the same rules.

And some of us try to transcend those instinctive, unconscience reactions.

The language I speak is non-duality of human early reactions, as in we are all one in the way we react before we are able to consciously choose how we react.

So, you think I am abstract, going beyond the concrete? Please 🙏 tell me more.

Hi Peter:

I am using my phone. But had the use of a computer earlier and had a conversation with Copilot in regard to the 2 posts I addressed to you yesterday and the first post you addressed to me this morning.

I think that I am at the point of having the best understanding of our different communication styles and what those might mean (not having access to AI, so these are my words):

This might appear jumbled because I’m typing as I think, nothing planned.

It just occurred to me why I NEED to communicate in concrete language and why you need to communicate in abstract, symbolic language: I grew up in intellectual chaos, confusing, no predictability. Nothing was simple or concrete.

You grew up, as I understand it, in a rigid, concrete environment (Christian, heaven or hell, this OR that), no safe space for ambiguity, for this AND that.

So, I grew up to need simple and concrete; you grew up to need what’s removed from the over- simplicity, the overly concrete.

Maybe we both grew up in chaos, only mine was apparent on the outside (a crazy, unpredictable mother), and yours was not apparent on the outside (?), having haf igid, church going predictable parents, but real chaos on the inside of you.

Fast forward, you and I happen to communicate here, in these forums. I talk simple, direct, concrete ( best I can); you talk complicated, indirect, abstract.

Remember I reached out to you in regard to our child versions running on green grass? At first, you didn’t respond at all. Later you responded in a Peter-unusual style, emotional style, only I could easily detect it being an AI generated response.

I think of it affectionately now, to realize how you meant well, how you tried to match my style, a bit of people-pleasing.

Sometime along the way, I perceived you to be a cold, unfeeling person, and I was angry at you for not reciprocating my running-across-green-fields imagery 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♂️ and my other efforts to connect with you emotionally.

Now, I am thinking that you’ve been trying to emotionally connect with people in the forums in your own way.

Your way can easily- I think- can come across as cold and unfeeling, but that’s not how it is within you. It’s just the Style, something that came about in childhood, and understandably.

So, now, I figure, if I want to understand what you’re saying, I have to decode it into simple, direct language (AI), or maybe AI can help me present my thoughts and feelings in an abstract, symbolic, metaphorical format. Yes, I am sure Copilot can help with that!

But since I am on my phone, I will try to do this on my own (this makes me 😃, I doubt if I can do it)

Okay, let’s see 👀 if I can be Peter for a moment, on my own (no AI):

An Anita generated parable (this is going to be an inferior production, I have no doubt 😌):

There was a girl who died in a burning 🔥 forest, a long way from the city, a place where no one was to look for her, and no one did.

Forgotten by all except for a spark ✨️ in the ashes, one that didn’t, wouldn’t die.

That little spark wanted to be BIG, to be SEEN by all because it was never seen AT ALL.

See 👀 the big case letters screaming?

That’s the silent spark wanting to be fire 🔥

End

👀🔥🏃‍♀️🏃‍♂️✨️ Anita

It’d be a miracle reading from you again, Ben 🙏

🤍 Anita

Dear Confused:

Reading your answer, I remembered something I read long ago:

Q: “How to get out of prison when there’s no way out?”

A: “Stop wanting to get out”

Stop wanting to feel what you don’t feel, and you may feel it.

Like, radically accept what is, not wanting it to be any different.. and it may.

🌙🤔🙄🤪 Anita

You are very welcome!

What emotion do you miss the most?

Hello 👋 dear Confused:

I too had the “early psychosis” symptoms but never developed psychosis. These symptoms overlap with anxiety and I did suffer a lot of anxiety in the past.

He prescribed you with an anti-psychotic, but anti-psychotics are prescribed for anxiety or tics (Tourettes) without psychosis. Maybe it’ll help you. Don”t know.

But he, the psychiatrist guaranteed you that the drug will help, that’s like a promise, isn’t it🙄

🤍 Anita

Continued:

So, I loved her and I hated her and tried to suppress (push down, fight against) both of those emotional experiences, being stuck in chronic tension, anxiety and depression for decades.

I found out that healing/ peace of mind, is about EXPRESSING (as I am doing right now), to bring out into the light what’s been in the dark for too long.

Another way to say it: it’s about freeing my emotions from a 2 dimensional, suffocated existence to a 3 dimensional existence.

That’s when emotions relax- when you give them the 3rd dimension, air to breathe and relax.

My love for her relaxed (it doesn’t feel like pressure, like guilt), and my anger at her relaxed as well. It doesn’t feel like war-within.

🤍🙏🤍 Anita