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anita

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Viewing 15 posts - 136 through 150 (of 3,269 total)
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  • anita
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    Tuesday Afternoon Attempted Stream of Consciousness:

    I believe there are more among us who resist love than those who well.. don’t resist it. Life offers fleeting moments—small tastes of love in passing interactions, whether online or in real life. But how many truly take it in, not just as a fleeting sip, but as a deep and lasting drink?

    Are we more afraid of love than we are afraid of no-love?

    Is it safer to remain on the solid ground of no-love than to rise, fall, and endure the pain of the fall?

    It’s been raining heavily and steadily here for days. But yesterday, I chose to take an hour-long walk while the rain was light, trusting that it wouldn’t pour down on me. That walk energized me. I think this is what love is about: it awakens the brain, transforming it from a mere rational machine into something alive, pulsing with feeling. Ahh!!!

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Peter:

    “My mother’s physical death taught me that I didn’t come here to master devastating situations, circumstances, changes, losses, or even my own feelings. I came here to experience them. I came here for soul lessons and spirit teachings to carry on in this journey we are all on, this teaching way, this blessing way. In the end, I can, like my mother has done, return to the beauty that I was when I first arrived here.” – Richard Wagamese

    To return to what was taken away from us: the opportunity to love and be loved in return.

    “Without love, do what you will, be as clever as you like, you will solve nothing.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti

    – Feels like this line was written especially with you in mind, Peter. You are indeed clever. Personally, being way less clever than you, I tried tirelessly to solve everything and failed in solving anything.

    My life has been a vast desert of separation from giving-and receiving-love. I suppose there were many, many instances of awkward, blind attempts to give love and an ongoing failure to receive it. These days I am realizing, on the emotional level, that it is both giving and receiving love that gives life significance. One or the other is useless and leads nowhere.

    “Eight-plus billion people on this planet, each existing within the width of a breath”—but how many truly love and are loved in return? How many possess the strength, confidence and ease required to give and receive love freely, without fear or resistance? And how many find themselves in the presence of others who are equally strong, confident and open, capable of sustaining this exchange?

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Peter:

    “How do we measure significance? 8 plus billion people on this planet in this moment… Jung believed that significance in life is found through the process of individuation, which involves becoming aware of the unconscious and integrating it with the conscious mind”-

    I read a little of your recent post but I want to answer now, before I read and process the rest, simply because I believe I have the answer!

    Significance is not measured and I don’t need Jung to tell me about it. Significance is felt. Sincerely, I personally feel that you are significant. It’s a knowing-within me. Now, as you are reading my words, if you are not “touched” by them, then it’s a one-sided experience on my part (that you are significant, that you are special and precious).

    I will reply further soon.

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    You’ve done remarkable inner work to better understand yourself, and that’s truly something to celebrate. Therapy has given you clarity on your emotional wounds, past patterns, and what you genuinely want moving forward. That level of self-awareness is rare, and it will serve you well in whatever path you choose.

    From what you’ve shared, your desire to reconnect with your ex seems grounded in meaningful reasons—you want to build a healthier dynamic, rooted in emotional independence and true vulnerability. That’s an admirable goal. However, would your ex be open to starting fresh with a stronger foundation? If she remains tied to old patterns, reconciliation might not be as smooth as you hope.

    At the same time, your realization that casual dating and sex aren’t truly what you’re seeking is significant. It highlights that your focus is on depth, connection, and community rather than fleeting experiences. That speaks to a level of emotional maturity and self-awareness that will help guide your decision.

    You wrote, “I hesitate with all huge decisions I make partly out of a fear of what I don’t know, or a fear that all of my feelings are incorrect and I will make a wrong decision.” This, I believe, is your greatest challenge—distrusting or doubting your own emotions. I wonder how that came about. Were your feelings as a child dismissed, ignored, or criticized?

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    Insignificant as in: no-one-really-cares, I-am-All-Alone, and-no-on-here-to care, no one to help.

    That feeling, day in and day out?

    in reply to: Transcendence #445916
    anita
    Participant

    “If you feel as insignificant as I felt, for so long, please speak here. Please speak to me.”- a good beginning for a new thread, and just on time, as it started raining again. See new thread.

    anita

    in reply to: Transcendence #445908
    anita
    Participant

    Later evening Stream of Consciousness:

    The rain stopped, completely gone, for now.

    Still no anger within me. I am trying to avail myself to anger as I type, thinking about my mother, about others who abused me.

    No anger.

    Maybe, probably because I legitimized my anger, giving it due respect.

    So, now that I am not being abused, well.. No Anger.

    No Anger.

    My Desire is real: to help, to make the world a better place, in whatever small way I can.

    So, if you are reading, if you are reading and I don’t know who you are- please tell me. Please tell me your story because you matter. Don’t be silent. Please Speak. I want to hear you.

    For the longest time, I was Silent because, as far as I knew, there was no one, no where to hear me. no one who cared to hear me.

    If you feel as insignificant as I felt, for so long, please speak here. Please speak to me.

    anita

    in reply to: Transcendence #445907
    anita
    Participant

    Early Evening Stream of Consciousness:

    I noticed that as much as I want connection with others in real-life, I easily get tired with most and need a break. It’s just difficult for me to listen and follow a fast-paced speech (faced-paced for me) because of auditory processing difficulties and attention-related challenges related to my ADHD and Auditory Processing Disorder (APD. Therefore, I am turned off to a lot of people irl simply because, for me- they talk too much, too fast, or in an unstructured way that I am not able to follow.

    This is why alone-time is very important to me, and why communicating with people in these forums is so much preferrable to irl interactions: Here, I have all the time to read and process information at my own pace, and understand what people are actually saying.

    People in-real-life who naturally talk slowly and little.. why, they are a blessing in my world!

    It’s raining cats and dogs here. I managed to complete a 3.5 mile walk before the rain escalated. It refreshed my brain!

    About anger and transcendence: I accept and embrace my anger. I welcome it back home: Welcome Home, Anger!

    No emotion is left outside in the cold, or in the heavy rain.

    Rain is intensifying right now.

    I am grateful to be protected from the heavy rain. I am very fortunate.

    Back to anger: I am not feeling it. Accepted and embraced, it’s not screaming, insisting to be heard.

    It’s silent and all I am hearing is the rain.

    anita

    in reply to: Am I judgmental? #445905
    anita
    Participant

    Regarding “situations which constantly change 180 degree,” I am very curious to read about them 🤔!

    anita

    in reply to: Am I judgmental? #445903
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eva:

    I missed you!!!

    I don’t know if I told you, but your name is the same as my only sister, the one I shared about only a few moments ago.

    I am definitely moving forward with my healing process, and the process itself, the journey, is way more meaningful than any possible destination.

    I will always remember your support back in Feb 2023. Support at times of feeling alone and lonely is beyond special and precious, thank you, Eva 💖😊🙏 (I got into emojis since we last spoke..)

    anita

    in reply to: Transcendence #445902
    anita
    Participant

    They call it weakness—yet don’t they see?
    Courage lives in vulnerability.
    To stand exposed, with truth in hand,
    Is braver still than armor planned.

    You bend like branches in the storm,
    Yet in that bend, a strength is born.
    A heart that breaks, then mends anew—
    Holds wisdom far beyond the view.

    So wear your softness like the sky,
    Unfold your wings and dare to fly.
    For in your openness, you shine—
    And that is power, vast, divine.🔥

    anita

    in reply to: Transcendence #445900
    anita
    Participant

    Vulnerability is not an invitation for criticism; it is a brave act of self-expression. I therefore welcome your vulnerability- Alessa, Peter, anyone reading this. I will not attack you because you are vulnerable.

    What I just stated above is in the core of what abuse is about: attacking the vulnerable at their moments of expressed vulnerability.

    As difficult as it is for me to acknowledge, I did the same: As a 10-year-old, or so, I hit my much younger sister simply because she was smaller and weaker. I didn’t dare to asserting myself against my big and strong mother (at the time), or attack her, so I assaulted my vulnerable, innocent sister.

    It didn’t follow reflection. It was an instinctual response to my own abused vulnerability. And of course, I regret it deeply.

    anita

    in reply to: Transcendence #445898
    anita
    Participant

    Early afternoon Stream of Consciousness:

    Today, I want to transcend my lifelong guilt and discomfort in regard to FEELING anger and about expressing it in any way, however non- abusively. I think that my anger persisted simply because it was rejected by me. Encouraged by Alessa’s and Peter’s posts right above, I want t embrace my anger, to welcome it home:

    Dear Anger:

    I am so sorry for rejecting you decade after decade, for labeling you BAD when you were never bad. You were justified, you always carried a positive message: to help me, and to help others, to promote what is right and fair and just, 😊🙏✨💖 anger!

    I understand that now that I accept and embrace you, you can relax your hold on past events.

    We can let go of what happened on the other thread, page 3 of its current 8 pages..?

    Yes, anger, I understand, and I fully agree with you: I was clearly disrespected, dismissed and accused of what I was not guilty of. It was indeed unfair to me and it was uncalled for. The offender did not apologize ever since, likely not seeing herself as the offender on that day. But it’s time to let go. There will always be people who will not take responsibility for the harmful effect of their words and actions. No point in endlessly waiting for them to acknowledge responsibility.

    All I can and should do is be to others what I wish others would be to me; responsible, accountable, part of what is good: Loving-kindness (Metta)- focusing on compassion and patience, Wisdom (Paññā)- seeing things clearly, and Generosity (Dāna).

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    Dear iloverain:

    I hear your frustration, and I want to acknowledge how difficult it can be when treatments don’t seem to work. I also want to offer you some hope—while OCD can feel overwhelming, there are alternative approaches that may help, even when standard treatments haven’t been effective.

    Here are three alternative treatments that some people with treatment-resistant OCD have found beneficial:

    * Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP):

    ERP is a specialized form of cognitive-behavioral therapy designed specifically for OCD. It involves gradually facing fears (exposure) without performing compulsions (response prevention). Over time, this helps retrain the brain to weaken the grip of intrusive thoughts.

    ERP is considered one of the most effective treatments for OCD, even when medications haven’t worked.

    * Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT):

    ACT focuses on accepting intrusive thoughts rather than battling them. It teaches psychological flexibility, helping you detach from obsessive thinking. Instead of eliminating symptoms, ACT helps people coexist with them in a way that reduces their power over daily life.

    * Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS):

    TMS is a non-invasive treatment that uses magnetic pulses to stimulate parts of the brain associated with OCD. It’s FDA-approved for OCD and is considered for cases where therapy and medication haven’t worked. It’s done in a clinical setting, with multiple sessions over time, and some people report significant improvements.

    I also want to share a bit of my own experience. I was diagnosed with OCD, which included many compulsions, but today I no longer suffer from any physical compulsions. My psychiatrist once told me I would likely need psychiatric medication indefinitely—I took antidepressants, anxiety medications, and antipsychotics for nearly 20 years.

    Eventually, I was able to wean off them and have been doing well without medication for 12 years.

    Interestingly, my compulsions stopped after I unknowingly did ERP on myself in my early 30s. Without realizing it at the time, I found the strength to endure the anxiety following an obsession without performing a physical compulsion—like knocking on wood a certain number of times, or turning left and right an equal number of times, or placing black clothes under white clothes in the closet so to prevent bad luck.

    At first, I simply waited to see if anything bad would happen when I didn’t perform a compulsion. Nothing happened. That realization gave me the confidence to continue resisting compulsions, strengthening my ability to let go of them completely.

    I share this not to say that everyone should stop taking medication, but rather to let you know that healing can happen in different ways. You are not alone in this. I hope some of this information is helpful, and if you ever want to explore different approaches, I encourage you to do so at your own pace.

    I also want to acknowledge your worries about love and relationships. OCD can create intense fears and obsessive thoughts about relationships—whether it’s doubt about feelings, fears of rejection, or the overwhelming fear of ending up alone. These fears are painful and can feel consuming, but they don’t define your future. Many people with OCD worry about relationships, yet with time, self-compassion, and trust in real-life experiences rather than obsessive thoughts, love becomes possible. You deserve connection and companionship, and your struggles do not make you unworthy of love.

    I also encourage you to keep posting in your own thread—I think sharing your experiences and thoughts can help not just you, but others who may be struggling with similar challenges. You deserve support, and your voice matters.

    Wishing you strength and love 💪😊 ❤️💕

    anita

    in reply to: Transcendence #445893
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alessa, Peter, Everyone:

    Your post, Alessa, encouraged me to research and come to this understanding: Buddhism teaches that three negative qualities—aversion (hatred), delusion (ignorance), and attachment (greed)—cause suffering. These are called the three unwholesome roots because they lead to bad karma, meaning negative consequences in life.

    To counter these, Buddhism encourages practicing their opposites:

    * Loving-kindness (Metta) to replace hatred—showing compassion and patience instead of anger.

    * Wisdom (Paññā) to replace ignorance—learning and seeing things clearly instead of being confused.

    * Generosity (Dāna) to replace greed—sharing and letting go instead of clinging to things.

    By focusing on kindness, wisdom, and generosity, a person creates good karma, leading to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

    Karma is the idea that our actions, thoughts, and intentions shape our future experiences. If we act with kindness and honesty, we create good karma, which brings positive results. If we act with anger or selfishness, we create bad karma, which leads to suffering.

    Buddhism teaches that even our mental states—like joy, compassion, or anger—affect karma. Positive emotions bring good karma, while negative emotions bring bad karma. This is why Buddhism encourages mindfulness and self-awareness, so we can shape our thoughts in a way that leads to happiness.

    *** Anger 😠🔥, in Buddhism, is generally seen as harmful because it leads to suffering. It is one of the three poisons that cloud the mind and cause negative karma. However, Buddhism does not say that anger itself is evil—it recognizes that anger is a natural human emotion. The key is how we handle it.

    Uncontrolled anger leads to harm, both to ourselves and others. It can make us act in ways we regret.

    Mindful anger can be useful if it motivates us to stand up against injustice or protect ourselves and others. Some Buddhist traditions teach that anger can be transformed into determination and wisdom, helping us take positive action instead of reacting destructively.

    Buddhism does not teach that a person should submit to abuse for the sake of peace. While Buddhism values non-violence and compassion, it also teaches self-respect and wisdom.

    The Buddha taught that suffering should not be accepted passively—instead, we should seek understanding and solutions.

    If someone is being abused, Buddhism encourages them to protect themselves and seek help rather than endure harm. Forgiveness is important, but it does not mean allowing abuse to continue. True peace comes from ending suffering, not accepting mistreatment.

    Thank you, Alessa!

    I see surrender as a central theme in your post—one that reflects strength and acceptance rather than passive defeat. You highlight that true surrender requires resilience and trust, much like a tree standing firm in a storm.

    What Can We Trust?

    Trust in life itself—its cycles, changes, and unknowns. Having faith in life’s unfolding, even when we can’t control the outcome. Knowing that everything evolves, and that pain and loss, too, will transform into something new.

    Trust in inner strength—believing in our ability to endure struggles and emerge wiser.

    Trust in meaning—recognizing that even grief and loss carry significance, shaping us, teaching us, and deepening our appreciation for what remains.

    Your maple tree metaphor beautifully illustrates that surrender isn’t passive—it’s an act of allowing rather than resisting the natural flow of life. Instead of clinging in fear, surrender enables us to engage with change rather than be crushed by it.

    Your closing thought—“It takes strength to know what is ours and what isn’t—surrendering to the Yes”—captures this idea perfectly. Surrender isn’t about losing control; it’s about choosing where to focus our energy, recognizing what is meant to be embraced and what must be let go.

    To surrender is to embrace change, and to embrace our emotions, rather than suppress them. Even the most difficult emotions hold valuable insights and should be honored, not rejected. In doing so, we affirm our strength and awareness, allowing us to make choices that align with our values and growth.

    Thank you, Peter!

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 136 through 150 (of 3,269 total)