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anita

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Viewing 15 posts - 136 through 150 (of 3,921 total)
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  • anita
    Participant

    Dear Dafne:

    It’s so good to hear from you again. I felt a wave of warmth reading your message—thank you for your kindness and openness. You have a beautiful way of weaving care into your words, and I’m truly grateful for that.🥰

    I’m glad the retreat gave you moments of stillness and connection. The way you described people communicating through eyes and gestures, without comparison or chaos—it sounds like something.. different. I never experienced it and never attended a retreat. You were brave to go to it, and even braver to stay.

    As for the situation with the man… you were vulnerable, lost, and reaching out—and he chose not to wait, not to help, not even to check if you got home safely. That kind of emotional absence can feel like a betrayal, especially when you extend empathy and given someone another chance. Your instinct to say “we will not meet again” was protective, not punitive. It was your inner self drawing a boundary in real time, saying: I deserve to be met with care, not indifference.

    You weren’t asking for perfection—you were asking for presence. And when someone shows you that they can’t offer that, especially in a moment of distress, it’s not only valid to step away—it’s wise.

    Whenever you feel distressed, maybe you could return—just for a few breaths, to the memory of that retreat. To the silence, the smiles, the simplicity. Let those moments remind you of what’s possible when people choose kindness, even without words.

    You are not too much for wanting emotional safety. You are not wrong for needing someone who shows up. And you are certainly not a villain for hoping that a partner might have a plan, a foundation, a sense of responsibility.

    Thank you again for sharing so much of yourself. I’m holding your story with care. I hope you continue to find spaces—within and around you—that feel like that retreat: quiet, kind, and true.

    With warmth, Anita

    in reply to: Compassion and respect during times of conflict #448630
    anita
    Participant

    Hi again, Jana:

    “When I am vulnerable, people want to connect… in the end I always open the door to more genuine and honest conversation.”-That’s excellent, Jana! It makes me happy to read this.

    “I like it. The more open I am, the more welcoming my energy is… and people are nicer. (98% of them) It just took me some time to understand it. I have processed the strange idea that people wanted to hurt me… Socializing feels much better today! And I don’t even feel so drained after that. Hurrah!”- Hurrah indeed! Reading your words this morning brought a big smile to my face (still smiling). I’m happy for you.

    “Do you have any plans for the weekend? It’s really hot here. We might go swimming to a local quarry with our dog.”- It was hot here too, but last night it started raining—now it’s cool and breezy. I’m planning to socialize this afternoon, and tomorrow night I hope to dance to live music—maybe even outdoors, depending on the weather.

    I hope you enjoy your weekend and have a great, refreshing time swimming!

    With care, Anita

    in reply to: Compassion and respect during times of conflict #448615
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jana:

    In regard to your earlier message to me—the one that ends with “I’m not sure what you mean”—

    I’m not at all clear about what’s confusing to you. Could you clarify what you mean by “the connection” you’re unsure of? I wasn’t presenting a structured argument, just sharing how certain experiences feel linked for me. If something didn’t land clearly, I’m open to hearing more specifically what felt confusing to you. That would help me understand where you’re coming from.

    In regard to the last message you addressed to me:

    “I try so hard. I really want to connect.” What makes it so hard, Jana?

    “I cannot relate when I know so little.” What little do you know?

    “I will not minimize your feelings… I will not hurt you anymore.”- Thank you, Jana.

    “When you write only these short sentences, which read that you don’t want to connect… I was just caught in a moment of my emotions.”- My short reply followed me being caught in a moment of my emotions 🌩️🙂

    “Do you remember? You wanted to make this place bigger… I really wish we could.”- Yes, I do wish there were more people participating in the forums.

    “I need to control myself… I know that it wasn’t rejection… just my emotions read it as rejection.”- You are learning to pause, reflect, and stay present with your feelings. That’s not easy, and I admire it.

    You’re showing emotional growth in many ways. Jana—by staying in the forums instead of leaving again, by naming your reactions without blaming, and by expressing a desire to connect even when it feels hard. That’s healing work, Jana. I see it, and I respect it.

    Warmly, Anita

    in reply to: Compassion and respect during times of conflict #448605
    anita
    Participant

    “❤️ and ☀️”- back to you, Jana. Sincerely, I like you. I.. don’t have the words.. How should I put it.. Don’t know.. Maybe put it this way, Jana: I am not the enemy.. Yet seems like you .. think I am..?

    No, Jana.. wanted to be your friend and nothing else. For whatever it’s worth..

    Goodbye, Jana.

    Anita

    in reply to: Compassion and respect during times of conflict #448600
    anita
    Participant

    Hello Jana: I was naming something real. If it doesn’t resonate, that’s okay. I’m not here to convince.

    Take care, Anita

    in reply to: Authentic Self #448574
    anita
    Participant

    Hi Debbie:

    Your question—“What if my authentic self is someone I don’t like?”—is brave and honest, and I want to honor that.

    What parts feel hard to like?

    Whose voice taught you that those parts were unworthy?

    What would it mean to offer those parts compassion instead of critique?

    I will answer these questions as they apply to me, past and present:

    (1) “What parts feel hard to like?”- Past: all the parts. Present: The part of me that still tries to get my mother/ others to like me by minimizing myself, disregarding myself, compromising my truth so to please others.

    (2) “Whose voice taught you that those parts were unworthy?”- primarily my mother. To a lesser extent: peers in school.

    I remember my mother telling me (as she was hitting and shaming me): “The only thing I like about you is that you look down at the floor and you don’t talk back”- She liked my submission, me giving in to her.

    Other than liking my submissiveness, she mentioned 2 other things she liked about me: she said I look European and that I was very intelligent and an excellent student in school.

    This is it, just these 3 things.

    Now, thing is, I really wasn’t very intelligent. I suffered from learning disabilities and it took me many hours to do homework and prepare for tests, only to get on average, C+ grades, and I would forget almost all the material I memorized for tests soon after each test. Also, I do not look European. I look North African.. like my mother.

    So 2 of the 3 things she liked about me weren’t true. The submissiveness part she liked- that liking led to a lot of devastation in my life for decades and decades.

    In school, I was never part of the “cool kids”. I was the outsider and I believed it was so because I was inferior, defected, unacceptable. Having Tourette’s (motor and vocal tics) didn’t help, to put it mildly.

    3) “What would it mean to offer those parts compassion instead of critique?”- I didn’t expect to ask myself this question. My first instinct was to say that I will never, ever like the part of me that still tries to get my mother/ others to like me by minimizing myself, etc., submitting to others, that is. I hate that part!

    But then, the question above remains.. It makes sense that I’d need to like all parts of me, including parts I want changed. So, let me try this here (continuing to type as-I-think).. I’ll write a letter to my Submitting Part. I’ll call it SP-

    Dear SP:

    Thank you for trying so hard to protect me all those years. You knew that her aggression could be deadly. You saw how volatile she got, how rageful.. You heard her threats.. Yes, of course you felt I was in physical danger. So, you did your best for my sake: submit, go belly up.. this way she’d feel she won, she’s on top of me and she’d calm down and let me live.

    We’re not there anymore, SP, subject to her aggression, at her mercy. So, you can rest now.. until and if we’re in that position again. I would need you if a situation like that happens again (one where I am completely powerless against an aggressor). Again, thank you so much and rest well. You deserve the rest.

    (Letter completed).

    I hope something in what I shared above resonates or supports you in your own reflection.

    With care, Anita

    in reply to: Compassion and respect during times of conflict #448571
    anita
    Participant

    Note to all members: My posts reflect my personal experiences and thoughts. They are never directed at or referencing any forum member—except for the original poster, whom I address by name. Unless explicitly stated, my posts are not about or aimed at any individual in this forum. Still, in yet other words: my writing is personal and reflective. It is never intended as commentary on other members. Please honor this boundary.

    Hey Jana:

    Thank you for your message. I accept your apology and I greatly appreciate your reflection and your willingness to take responsibility for the impact of your words. 🙏 🌷🤍

    You asked: “What specifically do you mean about the fake words, Anita?”-

    When I mentioned “fake words,” I was actually thinking of something you yourself shared in your earlier threads—about how, in the Czech Republic, people tend to be direct, and how politeness in other countries can feel fake or even rude. That stayed with me. As I was writing my post yesterday, I found myself reflecting on that idea and realizing that I, too, want to be more genuine and direct in my own posts—not rude, just less overly polite. I was referring to myself, not to any member.

    In fact, I want to be clear: my posts are rooted in my personal experience. Unless I explicitly name someone, I am not referencing or commenting on any forum member. I write to process, to reflect, and to honor my own truth. That’s the space I’m protecting.

    I appreciate your suggestion to take a break and return with a relaxed mind. I’m quite relaxed though 🤗

    Again, welcome back, Jana!

    Anita

    in reply to: Passing clouds #448553
    anita
    Participant

    You are very welcome, Zenith!

    in reply to: Compassion and respect during times of conflict #448552
    anita
    Participant

    Jana, this is your real name, just like Anita is my real name, ever since birth.

    I never forgot you, Jana, because there’s something about you that’s very RAW, something UNIQUELY HONEST.

    I learned new things since you were here last. I am more humble.. yet, I know that my humility and vulnerability can be an invitation for these things to be used against me… Perhaps similar to your vulnerability having been used against you?

    You know about fake-empathy, fake words.. I know these too now, more than before.

    I know the need for words that are raw and honest and true.

    If none of this speaks to you.. feel free to not respond to me. I prefer no-response over being attacked where and when I am open, honest, and vulnerable.

    Anita

    in reply to: Passing clouds #448548
    anita
    Participant

    Do what works for you, Zenith and keep saying “No”, or “I’m not comfortable” with this or that, like you did today.

    With care, Anita

    in reply to: Passing clouds #448540
    anita
    Participant

    I understand, Zenith. Maybe privately…?

    (Using my phone be back to the computer tonight)

    in reply to: Passing clouds #448537
    anita
    Participant

    Maybe it will help to confront her right here, in your thread, to imagine you are talking to her and type away whatever comes to mind? (Stream of consciousness journaling kind of thing)?

    in reply to: Compassion and respect during times of conflict #448536
    anita
    Participant

    Welcome back, Jana (or should I address you as Silver Blue?).

    Although you deleted your account some time ago, I never forgot you. I feel nothing but affection for you.

    🌸 Anita

    in reply to: Time Moves 07/12/25 #448534
    anita
    Participant

    Good to read back from you, Thomas.

    “Well, what is the answer to help her? Just listen to her go over and over her story? Show compassion?”- yes. Then maybe, just maybe, she’ll be open for more. If and when she trusts another person with her story.

    Anita

    in reply to: Passing clouds #448530
    anita
    Participant

    Zenith, you’ve come so far — your courage with your manager shows that you can speak up, even when it feels scary. You don’t need to keep replaying the past in your head alone.

    If it feels right, you could begin by telling the relevant people things like:

    “I’ve stayed silent before to keep peace, but I realize now that it hurt me.”, “When I’m treated differently than my co-sister, it makes me feel small and judged.”, “I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I’d appreciate not being commented on.”

    Keep your tone calm, like you did with your manager — firm but not confrontational. You’re not asking for permission, just naming what’s no longer okay.

    And if you’re not ready to say it face-to-face, even journaling or practicing it aloud can help you anchor your voice.

    You’re allowed to be heard, and to protect what brings you peace.

    With care, Anita

Viewing 15 posts - 136 through 150 (of 3,921 total)