Sorry, own brand, own just once (typing from my phone)]

Dear Peter:

1) Processing the quote: it begins by drawing a distinction between shallow happiness and deep, sustaining joy. Shallow happiness is described as a fleeting state that exists only in the absence of sorrow. In contrast, deep joy is described as an enduring state that can coexist with and even arise from sorrow.

Happiness is depicted as fragile and unable to withstand pain. When sorrow arrives, happiness fades away because it cannot endure suffering. Happiness can easily be disrupted by negative experiences. Joy, on the other hand, is described as a deeper, resilient state that can withstand negative experiences.

This suggests that joy is not just an absence of sorrow but a transformation of it. Joy is born out of the experience of enduring and overcoming sorrow, a transcendence from suffering to endurance. This means that through suffering, it is possible to develops the strength and resilience to endure challenges.

Endurance then transforms into character. This implies that enduring suffering shapes one’s character, instilling qualities like strength, resilience, and wisdom.

Finally, character gives rise to hope. The development of character through enduring suffering leads to a sense of hope and optimism for the future. The hope that emerges from this process becomes the source of deep joy. Unlike shallow happiness, this joy is not easily shaken because it is rooted in the strength and character developed through enduring suffering. This joy does not disappoint because it is not dependent on external circumstances. It is a sustaining, inner strength that can endure even in the face of grief and sorrow.

2) Personal reflection (when I refer to pain, I mean emotional pain mostly)- images appear in my mind in regard to this quote: a person crumbling under pain, falling to the ground, contracted, smaller. An image of a tree under the distress of drought, falling leaves, cracking, breaking branches, the tree smallest, minimal, so to survive the drought/ the suffering.

This is what happened to me and what I participated- unbeknownst to me- in the making: I became less, minimal, small, smallest. The logic behind this instinctive response to pain: the less there is of me=> the less there is to feel pain.

Being less means less pain on the short run. But on the long run, being less = less endurance. With less endurance, pain intensifies and continues on and on and on.

Transcending pain would then mean to get up from the ground, to get up and stretch, take air in and expand/ undo the contraction. It is a different position to pain: upward, expanded, strong.

My mistake, I now realize (for the first time) is that I remained contracted, minimal in the face of pain for way, way longer than such strategy is effective. This strategy increased and maintained my pain because there was not enough of me to endure it.

I was a prisoner of the same-old, same-old pain of my childhood+ for longer than half a century, frozen in place, minimal, a life suffocated by the fear of (the same childhood) pain.

It’s as if I was waiting the whole time for the pain to go away so that I can stand up, stand straight and dare to breathe/ to expand. It never happened and I remained on the ground being stared down by the pain, so to speak, while what I needed was to stand up and look it in the eye.

Transcending the fear of pain long- term then is a shift from minimizing myself so to feel less pain => maximize myself (add determination, resilience, strength, courage, hope) so to better be able to endure pain and enjoy the consequence of such endurance: joy as a way of life.

This reminds me of the chest-opener positions of yoga- expanding the heart, the shoulders, the upper back, undoing the common hunching over (contracted) positions of sitting. There is a sensation of power when I do every morning. I now need to do more of it, more expansion, opening myself to the experience of life from the position of strength and even hope, dare to hope.

As I said before, your thread is amazing to me, amazingly valuable. Thank you.

anita

Dear Peter/all:

This morning, I am quoting (not analyzing) Peter’s words here on the forums: Old (tiny buddha) Journal- things that pierce (my) heart, or mind today, and letting them sink in (I can see a valuable book published by you, Peter, copying from your tiny buddha posts).

Peter, May 27, 2016 (first post on tiny buddha): “The problem is that when most people talk about purpose, they are imagining something grand, something experienced with every breath we take… The reality is that purpose, like meaning, is a subjective experience and not something that exists in and of itself as a measurable objective experience. We do love to measure things, and you would think we would be better at it”.

Peter, Oct 4, 2016: “There is an art to forgiveness. Many feel that if they forgive, they are saying that what happened to them was ok and that they now must allow those who have hurt them back into their lives. But that is not so. Forgiveness can create the space for the wronged to move forward from the experience.

“For a word that is often used, it is surprising how little the word forgiveness is understood. Don’t let your heart harden and in hardening keep everything bottled up…

“Perhaps the difficulty in letting go of past experiences was in a way leaving you mentally and or emotionally constipated… What might life be like if your memories could freely flow through you without them overly influencing your present?”

Peter, Oct 12, 2016: “Each person is… more than the sum of their parts (and past) … It would be my hope that you realize that the memories of your past do not have to define the story of your experience today… We become the stories we tell, so tell a good one”.

Peter, Nov 28, 2017: “When I notice myself feeling anxious, I stop what I’m doing and take moment and remind myself that I am not my thoughts, I am not my memories/past, I am not my emotions. I am the observer of thoughts, memories and emotions. In this way space is created to take a breath and change perspective to what is happening around me allowing the experience to flow”.

anita

Dear Peter:

Thank you for your heartfelt response. I’m glad to hear that my reflections resonated with you and helped clarify what you were trying to express. It’s truly a very meaningful dialogue for me, and I appreciate your insights and willingness to share these here.

Your reference to Hokusai’s words, “Life living through You,” and the concept of flow—being transparent to the transcendent—is striking a chord with me this morning:

“– Flow – Transparent to the Transcendent”- in this context, being “transparent” means being open and unobstructed. It suggests that ego, biases, and preconceptions (based on the past) are obstructing the experience of the present moment/ the Eternal Now.

Being transparent to the transcendent means that when I am fully engaged and immersed in the present moment (flow), I am open to and can experience higher states of consciousness or profound insights (transcendence).

“Buddha nature transcends duality and constructs… returning to stillness, silence, Love, non-duality – the Eternal Now, the source from which the experience arose”- being fully aware of the present moment, without obstructions/ distraction from past or future, promotes a sense of unity and interconnectedness with all things and a sense of inner peace, calm, and stillness.

Every present moment is seen as fully sufficient in itself, containing all the richness and depth of experience without needing to be tied to past or future moments.

Each moment holds infinite potential because it is not limited by time. It is experienced as a timeless essence.

Personally, I have been heavily obstructed by my past, living under a very dark cloud of past hurts, sadness and anger, jealousy and envy, a deep sense of injustice.

There is no way to find light under a dark cloud (beyond a moment here, a moment there, moments far in between). Got to transcend my past, to rise above it. To experience the Eternal Now.

This will need to be absorbed further, to be made a way of life in practical terms, my new way of life. You, Peter, presented this to me in a way that made it possible for me to perceive for the first time in my life. It is amazing to me!

anita

Dear Stacy, here is a poem just for you:

In the quiet hours of the night, a silent plea,
For rest, for peace, for tranquility.

The walls are thin, the noise is loud,
Restless nights and weary days,
In search of solace, gentle rays.

The need for space, a breath of air,
To dream, to rest, to find repair.
To find a place where sleep can mend.

Oh, sister dear, can you not see,
The toll it takes, the pain in me?
A simple wish, a night so still,
To calm the mind, the heart to fill.

With love, with care, let’s find a way,
To bridge the gap, to heal, to stay,
In harmony, where all can be,
Together, yet in unity.

For in the quiet, hearts can mend,
And wounds of past begin to end,
Let peace descend, a gentle dove,
In the silent night, a sister’s love.

(Yet moving out is the only solution I see, at this time).

anita

Dear Peter:

Thank you for your insightful and reflective message. I understand that you didn’t mean to invalidate my experience (and you didn’t), and I’m glad we’re finding the dialogue helpful.

Your reflection on my non-labeled version and the possibility of letting go of the need to retell the story is something I didn’t think about before you introduced the concept to me.

You wrote: “What I was questioning was, now that years have passed, if… I was retelling a old story’s then using that negative energy that would arise to maintain current boundaries. Realizing that boundaries that need the energy of anger and hurt to maintain might not be healthy boundaries”-

– What I understand (for the first time in my life!) is that there is a difference between healthy boundaries and unhealthy boundaries. Unhealthy boundaries are those that are based on a negative foundation, which is the ongoing, long-term emotional experience of hurt and anger. It is exhausting, and it keeps the person hurt and angry way after boundaries have been established, while the person is no longer in the situation where he/ she is disrespected or abused.

It means a life filled with hurt and anger that no longer serve to establish boundaries because such have already been established.

Healthy boundaries are based on positive foundations such as self-respect, personal value, and emotional well-being, rather than negative emotions.

So, what a person with healthy boundaries experiences on a long-term basis (after boundaries have been established and while they are maintained) is not hurt and anger, but self-respect and peace of mind.

Boundaries grounded in anger and hurt are emotionally exhausting to maintain. Healthy boundaries, on the other hand, are without constant emotional strain.

The idea is not to… not set boundaries, but to set boundaries that are not rooted in ongoing, long-term anger and hurt.

Part of the journey involves letting go of the old stories and the negative emotions (hurt and anger) they evoke. This doesn’t mean forgetting the past but rather processing it in ways that promotes personal growth.

Ongoing, long-term, chronic hurt and anger hinder personal growth, while ongoing self-respect, self-esteem and peace of mind promote personal growth.

So, as I retell my story with the hurt and anger, with labels that maintain the hurt and anger, I hinder my personal growth.

Healthy boundaries don’t require ongoing justification by retelling the stories with hurt and anger. The stories stand on their own merit and can be retold without the labels that maintain hurt and anger.

“Sadly, my journal clearly shows a tendency to hold on to the stories (with the labels) then using the anger and hurt that the labels created to maintain boundaries”- now I understand. This has been what I did my whole adult life… and I didn’t know it until this very morning. Now I know because of you, Peter.

“In the non-labeled version, I saw a person who did the work and created healthy boundaries that didn’t require any further explanation, exploration, justification, labels or re-telling. Bitter, as the hurt is and was real but sweet because, having emerged out the other side, better connected to the true self”-

– My true self is one that no longer lives under the dark cloud of hurt and anger, but one who sees the light come through and feel its warmth.

I am… I don’t have words to describe this newness of this in my mind and heart. It will take time to take it in further. Thank you is not saying enough. I hope you are not reading this before the weekend ends and I hope it’s a good weekend for you.

anita