Dear Chau/ Clara:

Good to read back from you!

“Gradually I put in more and more, and I realized she started to take me for granted. A few weeks ago, I snapped and was very frustrated and upset”-

In this post I want to talk about the Snapping part. The anger problem. Not that anger in itself is a problem, but way too often it feels like too much and people .. well, people snap.

Interestingly, the topic of anger was in the title of your first ever thread on tiny buddha: “Break up after massive tantrums…” (May 31, 2016), and it was the topic of our first exchange on that same day.

Personally, I snapped at someone in real-life only a couple of weeks ago (I started a thread about it titled “A.N.G.E.R” on Oct 9 (it’s currently on the 2nd page of topics). Also, I expressed anger inappropriately here on the forums not too long ago, so I am working on my intense, inappropriate anger problem these very days.

Actually, long ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I no longer fit the diagnosis, yet currently working on a couple of the core traits (#2 and 5 below).

* Core Traits of BPD (Copilot):

1. Intense fear of abandonment: This can lead to extreme efforts to avoid real or imagined rejection—sometimes through people-pleasing, clinging, or sudden emotional shifts.

2. Unstable relationships: Individuals may idealize someone one moment and then devalue them the next, often in response to perceived slights or emotional threats.

3. Shifting self-image: Their sense of identity can change rapidly, leading to confusion about values, goals, or even personality traits.

4. Emotional volatility: Mood swings are common—ranging from intense joy to deep despair, often triggered by interpersonal stress.

5. Explosive anger: Inappropriate or intense anger is a hallmark symptom. It may emerge suddenly, especially when someone feels misunderstood, rejected, or emotionally unsafe

Back to the first day we talked, you wrote: “I was in a relationship for more than a year, things have been bumpy and I haven’t really felt right, occasionally I treated her with tantrum or sometime she thought I mistreated her or dismissed her, or possibly disrespected her… The massive tantrums (which did involve accusing her for the wrong doings, crying very hard and accused her for hurting me).. She said I digger things out and left her wounded. I began to get very confused since I feel I am wronged, yet I am accused of the emotions that came out from such wrongdoing… I did slap her when I knew she was still hiding some truth about the incident, while she said she had come clean. I regretted using any physical hurt and I didn’t apologize and promised never to happens again. It didn’t happens ever again.” (May 31, 2016).

Of course, I am not saying that you were not wronged back then when you were cheated on, nor am I saying that your current girlfriend is flawless. What I am saying is that working on your anger response can help you so much in future relationships, if not in this particular one.

If this resonates with you we can work together on this problem and help each other..?

🤍🌿 Anita

“I know we will never see each other again.”- why this certainty.. I don’t understand..?

Maybe she is confused. Maybe she is hurt. Maybe she hoped that you would give her a clear message?

Dear Tee:

I only read a small part of the message that you addressed to me, but I would like to do so in my own thread, so not to take away/ distract from the topic of this thread. I would very much appreciate (!) if you answer me there, but I respect your choice either way.

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

You absolutely have the right to choose what you will discuss and what you will not discuss 🙂

Working on your dreams, body and career, going to workshops, activities and increasing your friend circle- all sound good to me.

I am fine, thank you for asking, taking one day at a time, hoping to be as calm as this Saturday morning is so far, trees moving mildly to the gentle wind (I am surrounded by lots of trees and can see and hear them through big windows).

🌳 🍂 🌲 🍁 🍃 🌿 Anita

Dear Nichole:

How are you? I feel quite calm this Sat morning.. although my body is rarely calm because of there Tourette’s tics, mainly in my shoulders. Calm is in-between the tics.

My mental health is way, way better than it used to be. The improvement motivates me to continue to heal. Better mental health means a different experience of life.

Please tell me what you are thinking/ feeling today..?

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear me:

“I mean I did tell her I was just playing with her and knew we wont see each other ever again but she said nooooo and that there are ways we can see each other still and even if I don’t see her where she is she will come to me and if she was rich things would be easy… Still unclear if she likes me or not”-

Me, it’s right above, in this quote: clearly she liked you when she said the above. Also clear that you pushed her away (telling her that you were just playing with her, that you’ll never see each other again)

You then wrote: “I mean I already did tell her I liked her, and it was in for 30 hrs but it was not a ‘read’ message”- did you send her this message after you told her that you were only playing with her.. what did you actually say to her in that message?

🤍🌿 Anita