Dear Substantial:

Thank you for your kind words. I’m truly glad to read that my support has been helpful to you during this tough time.

I appreciate the time you’ve taken to reflect on the situation and share your thoughts so openly. It’s clear that you’re experiencing a lot of internal conflict and anxiety regarding your relationship. Your introspection shows great self-awareness, and that’s an important step toward finding clarity.

It’s understandable to feel a range of emotions when considering ending a relationship. The concerns you mentioned are valid, and many people experience similar fears and doubts. Here are a few points to consider:

Second-Guessing: It’s natural to second-guess yourself, especially when making significant decisions.

Self-Blame: While it’s important to reflect on your own actions, remember that relationships involve two people. Both partners contribute to the dynamics, and it’s rarely just one person’s fault.

Fear of Loneliness: Fear of being alone can be powerful, but sometimes, taking a step back can provide the space needed for personal growth and healing.

Low Self-Esteem and Fear of Abandonment: Recognizing these underlying fears is crucial. Working on building self-esteem and addressing abandonment issues can help you gain confidence and clarity.

I noticed that you seem to be experiencing a lot of repetitive and intense thoughts about the relationship and its potential outcomes. This kind of thinking is often referred to as “rumination” or “obsessive thinking.” Obsessive thinking can make it difficult to find clarity and peace. It might be helpful to explore ways to manage these thoughts, such as mindfulness practices, journaling, and seeking professional support: a therapist or counselor who can help you develop strategies to manage obsessive thinking and provide guidance tailored to your situation.

About her behavior: it’s interesting to note that when you naturally pulled back, she started putting more effort into the relationship. This could indicate that she values the relationship and senses the need to make changes. However, it’s also important to consider whether these changes are sustainable and if they address the core issues causing your anxiety.

Ultimately, the decision to stay or leave the relationship is a deeply personal one. Be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself the time and space to process them. Learn to trust yourself to make the choice that aligns with your well-being and growth.

I hope this helps, and I’m here for you as you continue to navigate this journey.

anita

Thinking about you, EvFran, how are you?

anita

Thinking about you, Stacy, hoping you are well..?

anita

Dear Tom:

It’s good to read that your presentation went well! Doing your best is indeed the most important thing, and I’m sure it showed.

It’s understandable to feel concerned about the 6-month notice period, especially when you’re considering finding something you enjoy more. Taking time to think and reflect over the weekend sounds like a good plan. It’s important to give yourself space to make thoughtful decisions about your future.

I hope you have a relaxing and restorative weekend ahead. Feel free to reach out if you need to talk or need any support.

anita

Dear Dafne:

Thank you so much for your heartfelt message. I’m truly touched by your kind words and gratitude ❤️.

I’m glad that my support has helped you navigate through the storm of emotions. Remember, you’re stronger than you realize, and I’m here to guide you every step of the way 🤗.

Navigating life at home can be challenging, but I believe in your ability to apply the self-care and boundaries we discussed. It’s not easy, but knowing that someone cares about you can make a world of difference. You deserve to give life another chance and find happiness.

Stay vigilant with the “spider” and trust that you’re strong enough to protect yourself from being mistreated again. Once he realizes that he can’t manipulate you anymore, he’ll likely move on.

Thank you for being on this journey with me. I also hope we both find inner peace and happiness despite the past. Your strength and resilience are inspiring, and I’m here for you always.

Big big hug 🤗 to you too! Take care of yourself and have a wonderful evening.

anita

Dear Tara:

Welcome back to your thread a year and 3 days after you last posted, and thank you for sharing your thoughts. It’s clear that you’re dealing with a lot of complex emotions and challenging dynamics within your family.

From what you’ve described over the years, your mother exhibits a combination of emotional dependence, controlling behavior, and emotional manipulation. Her actions greatly contributed to your anxiety and feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and the need to lie about your activities to avoid judgment and conflict.

Based on what you’ve shared, it seems that her actions have been motivated by her own emotional needs and struggles, rather than focusing on your well-being. It’s time for someone’s actions to prioritize your well-being, and since it won’t be her, that person needs to be you. It’s crucial that you prioritize your own mental and emotional health.

It’s important to recognize that you’re not responsible for your mother’s emotional state or her relationship with your father. Setting healthy boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and seeking support from friends, therapists, or support groups can help you navigate these challenges.

Considering moving out is a significant step toward gaining independence and creating a healthier environment for yourself. It might be challenging financially, but the personal growth and well-being you can achieve will make it worthwhile.

* In the past, I shared with you that your mother very much reminded me of my mother. Mine suffered from a combination of 4 personality disorders: Borderline Personality Disorder (Symptoms: Intense fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, rapid changes in self-identity, impulsive behaviors, and emotional instability) + Narcissistic Personality Disorder (two of the symptoms are: lack of empathy, and a sense of entitlement) + Dependent Personality Disorder (Symptoms: Excessive need to be taken care of, submissive and clinging behavior, and fear of separation) + Paranoid Personality Disorder (Symptoms: Distrust and suspicion of others, believing that others are trying to harm or deceive them).

While these are potential personality disorders that might align with your mother’s behavior, it’s crucial to seek a professional evaluation for an accurate diagnosis. Understanding these possibilities can help you navigate your relationship with your mother and prioritize your own well-being.

Your strength and resilience are evident, Tara, and taking steps to prioritize your well-being is crucial. Remember, you’re not alone, and seeking support is a sign of strength.

anita

Dear Dafne:

It’s perfectly normal to want closure and to make things right with the people you care about. However, seeking closure with a spider can lead you to getting stuck in its web.

The fact that he blocked you and then unblocked you, only to express his pain is manipulative. He’s trying to regain your trust without addressing the real issues at hand.

He didn’t apologize for blocking you, placed his pain on center stage (“Him: “I was in too much pain last week”) and kicked your pain off the stage, dismissing it (“Me: ‘Hi, we all were in pain last week…Him: I am aware that we have all had pain'”).

He is self-centered and manipulative, and your feelings of distrust and fear of being blocked again are valid.

Regarding his lack of friends, it might be a reflection of his behavior and how he handles relationships. Self-centered people who get offended easily and don’t discuss things honestly and calmly can’t maintain healthy friendships.

I’m proud of you for recognizing the impact of your past on your self-esteem and romantic choices. It’s a significant step towards healing and growth. Here are some suggestions for self-care and building self-confidence:

Set healthy boundaries in all your relationships, Practice self-compassion (be kind and forgiving to yourself), Engage in activities you enjoy, Talk to a therapist or perhaps join support groups (in addition to this thread), and Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments.

“I’m an old soul, maybe too old school for this modern world… Maybe that was another reason why this man got my attention. He seemed to want the same life as me, presenting similar values. But now you’re helping me to see that it all might be just a spider web 🕷🕸”-

– I’m glad that I could help you see through his facade and recognize the spider web 🕷🕸 he’s been weaving. Your values and principles are important, and they will resonate with the right people who truly appreciate and respect them.

You have the strength to overcome these challenges, and it’s okay to take time to focus on yourself, and thank you for your kind words, Dafne 🙏. I’m here to support you in any way I can. 🌞

anita