Dear Zenith:

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been dealing with IBS since 2015. I’ve been learning more about IBS this Friday morning, and I wanted to share some of what I’ve come across. I hope it can help in some small way.

IBS seems to result from a mix of factors, but here are two key ones:

(1) Brain-Gut Communication Issues: Your brain and gut (stomach and intestines) are constantly “talking” to each other, sharing messages like:

Gut to Brain: “I’m hungry,” “I’m full,” or “It’s bathroom time!”

Brain to Gut: “I’m stressed,” or “Something’s wrong!”

In IBS, these messages can get scrambled. Here’s an example of how they might miscommunicate:

Brain says: “I’m feeling super stressed right now—this is a big deal!”

Gut responds: “Oh no, stress signals! Should I speed up or slow down? I’m confused!” (causing cramping or discomfort).

Brain reacts: “The gut is upset, so something must really be wrong.”

Another example:

Gut says: “Just a tiny gas bubble here—nothing unusual!”

Brain overreacts: “Hmm, what if that’s not normal? It might be serious!”

Gut, worried: “Uh-oh, the brain is panicking. Better send stronger signals!” (resulting in bloating or pain).

Brain concludes: “This really hurts! Something must definitely be wrong!” (making anxiety worse and the cycle continues).

(2) Changes in Gut Bacteria or Digestive Tract Health: A healthy gut has a balance of “good” and “bad” bacteria. If this balance shifts (more “bad” bacteria or less diversity), it can lead to IBS symptoms like bloating, gas, and bathroom troubles. Sometimes, IBS starts after a gut infection (called post-infectious IBS) where the gut stays sensitive even after the infection clears.

Additionally, certain bacteria in the gut can ferment undigested food, producing gas and bloating that can be especially uncomfortable for someone with IBS.

These changes might happen due to stress, diet, antibiotics, or past infections. Some people find relief with dietary changes (like a low-FODMAP diet) or probiotics, but it’s always best to check with a healthcare provider before making changes.

Here’s a quick rundown of low-FODMAP foods, which tend to be gentler on the gut:

Fruits: Bananas, oranges, strawberries, blueberries, kiwi.

Vegetables: Carrots, cucumbers, zucchini, spinach, bell peppers.

Proteins: Chicken, turkey, eggs, fish, firm tofu.

Dairy Alternatives: Almond milk, lactose-free milk, hard cheeses like cheddar.

Grains: Rice, quinoa, oats, gluten-free bread or pasta.

Nuts/Seeds: Almonds (small amounts), peanuts, sunflower seeds, chia seeds.

These foods avoid the hard-to-digest carbs found in high-FODMAP foods, like apples, pears, onions, garlic, beans, milk, and soft cheeses. The idea is to temporarily avoid high-FODMAP foods, then slowly reintroduce them to see what works for you.

I hope this information is helpful, Zenith. I’m here for you if you ever want to talk about it more. Wishing you strength and comfort in managing this— I know how tough it can be. Take care of yourself!

anita

Dear Zenith:

I’m glad you reached out—it’s always so good to hear from you! I’m doing well, thank you for asking. The improving weather lifted my spirits— I even wore shorts two days in a row, it’s that warm!

First, please don’t ever feel selfish for posting when you need support. I genuinely care about you and want to be here for you, whether you’re looking for advice, a listening ear, or just someone to share your thoughts with. Life can feel so overwhelming at times, and reaching out takes strength and courage, not selfishness.

I’m sorry to hear about the health issues you’re facing. Anxiety affecting your gut is challenging, and I can imagine how much harder it makes everything. That you’ve been dealing with this for two years speaks to your resilience, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Please give yourself the credit you deserve for managing such a tough situation.

Regarding cravings and struggles with eating before your periods— I completely understand how hard that can be, especially when your emotions are already heightened. Be gentle with yourself during this time. Maybe instead of focusing on strict control, you could try small, manageable steps, like keeping a few healthier snacks on hand that you genuinely enjoy. Even small acts of self-care can go a long way in supporting yourself with kindness and love.

It’s also wonderful to read that you’re feeling emotionally stronger overall, despite these challenges. That shows real progress and strength. When you feel discouraged, try to remind yourself of how far you’ve come— you’ve faced difficulties head-on and continue to navigate them, one step at a time.

You mentioned feeling like you’re “so easy to convince” and struggling to stand by your own opinions. But I see someone who is incredibly thoughtful and introspective— these are strengths, not weaknesses. It’s perfectly okay to seek reassurance or feel uncertain at times— we all do. Trust yourself, Zenith. You’re more than capable of making good decisions and standing firm when it matters most.

I know you’re carrying a heavy emotional load, and I’m really proud of you for how you’re handling it. But remember, you don’t have to handle it all alone. I’m here to support you, and seeking help is a true sign of strength.

Take it one day at a time— you’ve got this. Please take care of yourself, and let me know how I can help.

anita

Dear omyk:

I’ve been reflecting on what you’ve shared, both recently and over the course of the past year. I wanted to take a moment to share some thoughts, as your story has deeply resonated with me.

In your recent posts, you’ve shared: “Recently, I have something like buyer’s remorse, worried that I missed the boat… I can’t say that I was happy every day I was married. In fact, I was often unhappy… I’m tired of feeling like I’m always behind the eight ball, never caught up on everything that needs to be done.”

Having read these words alongside what you shared in your threads “Life Lesson and Accountability” (July 22–Aug 9, 2024) and “Big Step, Widower” (Oct 27, 2024), it seems to me that your life has been a testament to responsibility and devotion. You’ve poured yourself into fulfilling various roles—husband, father, provider, and minister—while striving to live up to societal and familial expectations.

Your posts consistently reflect a deep sense of accountability and a genuine desire to do what’s “right” for others. That’s such an admirable quality. But as I read, I couldn’t help but wonder if, amidst all this, you’ve had the chance to truly attend to your own deeper emotional and personal needs—the ones that exist beyond approval, beyond roles, and beyond obligations.

It seems that now you’re beginning to explore those questions. You’ve spoken about embracing simplicity, independence, and even questioning what a romantic connection might look like if it were to align with the person you’ve become. These reflections are powerful and courageous, and they point toward a man who is ready to reclaim his life as his own.

I was inspired to share a short poem with you. I hope it resonates with where you are now and speaks to the possibilities ahead:

For years, you wore the woven cloak,
Of duties sown with silent thread,
A parent, partner, provider strong,
A path by others laid ahead.

But deep within, a quiet voice,
Has whispered truths you’ve yet to know,
A need, not theirs, but wholly yours,
A seed of longing left to grow.

Breathe deeply now, unbind the weight,
Of roles assigned, of oughts and shoulds,
And walk the path that’s marked by you,
Through the uncharted fields and quiet woods.

So dare to dream, as only you,
What brings you joy, what makes you whole.

The world may call, but let it wait,
Its claims on you no longer bind,
You are the keeper of your needs,
The treasure map within your mind.

Unfold your wings, unearth your fire,
Be bold, be still, or take the stage,
This chapter is yours—no rules, no guide,
A turning leaf, a brighter page.

Whatever path you choose to walk, omyk, I hope it’s one that feels authentic and fulfilling for you. Thank you for sharing your journey—it’s inspiring to see someone reflect so deeply on life’s challenges and possibilities. Take care, and I’m here if you’d ever like to continue this conversation.

anita

Dear Tommy and Alessa:

I want to address this post to both of you because I deeply appreciate Alessa’s heartfelt support of you, Tommy, and I hope you’ll feel supported by her in this conversation. My reason for writing is for me to learn and grow into a wiser and better person, both in these forums and in real life. As I write, I am reflecting deeply, and in some ways, I may not be the same person who finishes this post as the one who started it.

First, Tommy, I realize now that I misunderstood something you wrote yesterday. I didn’t know you were referring to Tara, someone with whom you recently had a fallout. I mistakenly thought you were talking about Lily-Mae from last August. This misunderstanding led me to focus on the past in ways that might have felt unfair or unhelpful.

Alessa, I noticed you wrote to Tommy: “I don’t judge you for what happened in the past. I’m actually sorry it was brought up.” I want to clarify that I brought it up because I mistakenly believed Tommy was speaking about Lily-Mae. When I thought about his words from the context of Lily-Mae, I became concerned that similar feelings of blame could affect others Tommy might interact with in the future.

Tommy, I sincerely apologize for misunderstanding your words.

That said, I want to share my thoughts about what you wrote yesterday regarding Lily-Mae: “Unfortunately, she had created her own issues and does need to move on.” This statement feels as though you’re still assigning blame to Lily-Mae, which could unintentionally minimize the complexity of her struggles. Mental health challenges, particularly depression and suicidal thoughts, are not something people “create” or simply “move on” from. These struggles are deeply rooted and often require empathy and support.

Your reflections show that you’ve acknowledged past mistakes, and I admire your willingness to grow. I noticed you wrote, “I think it best I don’t express myself anymore. Don’t know who I might offend next… I do not believe I am a good influence.” It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy burden of guilt, and I truly believe this guilt might still be influencing how you see yourself and others.

If it’s okay with you, I’d like to explore this idea further—because I’ve struggled with unresolved guilt myself, and I know how painful and overwhelming it can be. Letting go of false guilt and the shame that comes with it has been a long journey for me, and I believe it might be for you as well. If you’re open to it, we can talk about this together, as two people learning from one another.

I hope you know that my intention in this post is not to overwhelm or criticize but to hold space for understanding and growth—for both of us. I truly believe in the possibility of fresh starts, not by running from the past, but by healing what holds us back.

Thank you for wishing me (and everyone here) the best. If you choose not to respond, I’ll understand and respect that. But if you’re open to this conversation, I think it could be an opportunity for both of us to take another step toward growth and healing.

anita

Dear Tommy:

Thank you for sharing your thoughts so openly. I can see how much reflection you’ve put into these experiences, and I appreciate your willingness to acknowledge where things may have gone wrong. That takes courage and humility.

I don’t carry any intention to scold you, nor do I think of you as an “idiot.” We all make mistakes, and what matters most is how we learn and grow from them.

As for moving on and starting fresh, I hope you know that you’re not defined by past mistakes. Growth is a continuous process, and every step forward matters. Wishing you peace and clarity as you move forward, Tommy.

anita

Dear Alessa:

The part of your post addressed to me feels like a dream come true. It’s as though it closes a circle, tying up loose ends. I want you to know that you are completely, 100% forgiven.

I make mistakes every day, and my goal remains to make fewer and fewer of them and to grow into a better person every day. I am truly sorry for the ways I contributed to the problems between us back then—for not de-escalating the situation, for letting my fear, anger, and reactivity get the better of me.

I would love for us to be best friends here in these forums, and perhaps even beyond. Let’s support and protect each other along the way. What do you think? ❤️

anita