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anitaParticipantDear Nichole:
The part of your post from “Nothing in particular has made me distrust the people” to the ending, I could have written that, it’s like I wrote it. It is only in the last 10 years or so, that I started to feel connected to people. At first (in the last decade), I didn’t know how, I was clumsy, inexperienced.. and very distrustful.
I am much better at connecting now than I ever was, yet, I still make mistakes, still learning.. In a month from now, I will be better at it than I am now.
Does this resonate with you, Nichole?
🤍🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Q:
I have more time than I thought this Sunday morning (still weekend here, U.S.)
I think that you are self-aware and it is indeed human nature to hold on even if it hurts.
“Is there any emotional equivalent of a physical gym then I can work on by myself to handle whatever I’m going through right now?”- the immediate answer that came to my mind as I read this question was
Radical Acceptance.
Accepting what you cannot change, letting go of all that energy that is resisting (fighting against, internally) situations you cannot change, particularly past events and interactions that you cannot undo or redo.
That “Stressed and anxious” energy (title of your thread) may be that resisting/ fighting energy in regard to past and present situations that cannot be changed..?
This letting go of futile energy will allow access to useful energy- to change what you can change in the present, one day at a time.
🤍🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantDear me:
Yes, clearly she wanted to see you.. she had so much fun with you!
I suppose she is getting to know the part of you that’s a bit fearful of getting too close (in-person and long-distance)…
“I’ll try.”- that’s the best you can do..
Although Yoda said: “Do. Or do not. There is no try.” 😄
🤍🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantDear Q: I will read and reply at the end of the day, take care:
anitaParticipantDear Going Through Life:
Nothing to apologize for, you’ve always been kind and gracious with me, thank you!
I just wish I was able to help in regard to what you are seeking (“Seeking clarity about a relationship”, the title of your thread, different relationship back in Jan 2024, yet still)
Maybe SS is conflicted too. Maybe she is also seeking clarity.
Here’s an exercise that might help at this point, if you agree with me that it might:
In a form of a letter addressed to SS, type away whatever comes to your mind (stream of consciousness writing) in regard to what it is that you are still unclear and conflicted about, tell her exactly what it is. like it is for you (no reason to worry about her response to the letter because she won’t be reading it).
What do you think?
🤍🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantDear me:
Roberta identified a pattern that seems true, a pattern of “just joking” push- pull..
Just Kidding Push Pull (acronym JKPP.. lol).
I understand about the distance, but since the two of you are still communicating, how about practicing something different from JKPP: saying what’s true to you in a direct way.
Just a bit of practice, nothing that’s too much..?
It can help you in ways you don’t know yet.
🤍🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantExcellent quote, Thomas. I want to think about this quote, particularly about the last part, “if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?” and write more about it later. Thank you, Thomas!
🤍🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantWhat I did figure out since I posted last is that, yes, I was a bad person when I said to S: “Why don’t you punch me in the face?”
I provoked her to punch me, to bruise my face, break my nose, and I provoked her to get herself into legal trouble, maybe get herself into jail.
So, yes- when I said what I said, at that moment, I was a bad person.
More tomorrow.
Anita
anitaParticipantThank you for your intelligent thoughts, Thomas. I appreciate you! And I will post more in the morning (Sat night here, almost midnight where you’re at)
😴 🥱 😪 Anita
anitaParticipantI hear you, me- being in between wanting something and not seeing it as something that’s possible, wanting her close, yet not seeing it as something that’s possible..?
I just wish you have what you need: something close, something you can trust..?
Anita
anitaParticipantGood to read from you, Nichole!
I think I get you- the need of people, on one hand; the distrust, on the other hand.
The people in the Church group, what’s your distrust of them about..?
Anita
anitaParticipantHi Everyone,
I didn’t know how my inner child (the part of me I dissociated from sometime during my first decade of life.. perhaps at 5) felt until she told me yesterday.
I have been so removed from her, for so long. It feels almost strange, almost wrong to reunite with her, to be one with her again.. after such a long, long time of separation.
About S, I am still recovering.
I used to like her. I thought she used to like me.
Last thing she said to me was 6 days ago, she said: “You are Bad”. These may be the last words I ever hear her say.
I just felt a bit of anger. And then the sentence (from the Japanese Zen story crossed my mind: “Is that so?”
She said so.. My mother said so (in so many, many words)-
Is. That. So?
My Personal Reckoning is about holding myself accountable for my words and behavior today, not about doing the impossible (going back in time, unsaying, undoing what was said and done). It’s about learning the workings within me so that I can better work things next time.
Anger is a loaded emotion and it leads to so much violence, like the emotional violence of 6 days ago, and my invitation of physical violence (Anita to S: “Why don’t you punch me in the face?”).
To be kind. To be mild. This is my goal.
How to achieve that?
To come to peace within me and to operate from that peace of mind and heart.
Am I a bad person?
I get to answer.
Well, am I?
What a scary question.
I will be thinking about it.
Anita
anitaParticipantDear James: your post right above brought the first smile to my day 😊 ✨
Anytime you choose to post your thoughts, ideas.. feelings, your humor, I will be happy to read from you!
anitaParticipantDear me:
Did you tell her by now that you miss her?
It occurred to me this morning as I read your words, “she is a shy girl” that you are a shy guy yourself.. when it comes to saying such things as missing a girl, or such tender, emotional things. Do you think that you are shy in this way?
🤍🌿 Anita
anitaParticipantHi Tom:
Glad you made it back safely and that the presentation was well received! I understand politics can be annoying but.. if it’s something you can’t change.. or it’s not going to be worth it to get into it, better let it go, I suppose.
I hope that you are having a relaxing, comforting time with your partner and 🐶.
🌿 🤍 Anita
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