Dear Nichole:

It is indeed Friday! The difficult day for me is Monday, because that’s when there’s the least irl socialization for me. Exchanges in real-life are not always pleasant but overall, I love taking with people and being around people.

The weather is grey, raining on and off 🌧️ 🌫️ ☁️ don’t care for it. How’s the weather there ☀️ 🌞 🌤️..?

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Q:

Reading your message right above, 2,5 hours ago, has made my day 😊 🙏

You are very welcome, and thank you for your appreciation!

Remember healing is a process with its ups and downs. Being consistent and patient with the process is key.. to not give up when feeling stressed, anxious, etc., but to use those times as opportunities to further insight and practice self- compassion.

🤍🌿 Anita

Not focused, will get back to you Fri morning..

hmmm.. I don’t like that, wanting to marry you for citizenship… That’s not romantic at all 😟 (by the way, I had to look up lmao, lol)

Dear Mollie:

“Ps if you see that one of the messages I sent to this forum is reported, it was by me by accident ! I’m so sorry!”- no problem, mistakes happen.. Thank you for letting me know!

“Thank you so much for your message and I’m sorry to reappear on the forum in a time of need.”- you are very welcome, and no reason to apologize, as far as I am concerned. Please do reappear in time of need 🫶

“It opened up a dialogue where I thanked him and asked how he was doing and he said badly, and we called for 3 hours where he told me about two terrible misfortunes that he has been through in the past few months which have caused him to be depressed. He said some troubling things which have only truly sunk in with me a day after. I’m concerned for his wellbeing… someone can tell you they’re fine but not be fine you know?”-

You are concerned about his well-being because you are a good person. Continue to give him the opportunity to express himself. It’s the suppressing too much that causes depression. Give him The Space to Express.

“Secondly, I’m concerned for myself. I want to support him without being dragged into his problems and whilst maintaining the sort of ‘no contact’. It’s hard when someone you care about is suffering… I want to Keep focus on my studies but keep the hand to him open.”-

Taking care of yourself, of your well-being must take priority.. How can you take care of anyone else if you aren’t taken care of..?

Will letting him know your boundaries with him help? As in telling him you will be glad to communicate with him.. let’s say for 30 minutes every day, or every other day?

You are probably familiar with The Serenity Prayer?.. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear NYC Artist:

Good to read from you again! A little history: you first posted on March 8, 2019 and the first time we communicated was the day after, that’s.. 6 years and 7+ months ago! The last time we talked was on May 15, 2024.

Is this the same friend you shared about on 5/15/2024 in your previous thread, “‘Frenemies’ and the desire for true friendship”? You wrote there: “For example, I have very curly hair, which I happen to like. But she often makes comments about my hair saying it looks so crazy and unbrushed. Or she will mention how my hips are so narrow and hers are definitely wider. It’s just odd, and feels very comparative. The other day she commented on how we both have ‘unique faces that not every man would appreciate’.. Just little catty remarks about my appearance or sometimes judgmental things about my other friends and my job too.”?

Are these the kinds of “small microaggressions or put downs that she calls jokes”, you referred to today?

You mentioned in that thread “The Four Agreements”, which has “great tips about being impeccable with your word (only speaking with integrity and not speaking ill of others or of ourselves)” (5/15/2024)

From The Four Agreements: “Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.” –

That’s a wonderful goal and not something that can be achieved perfectly.

Another quote from the book: “You are not responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.”-

I would want to engage on a regular basis with someone who’s offensive while trying to not take it personally.

Maybe the question is: what are her comments (are they the above quoted)? How often? When you explained to her how you feel about them, did she apologize..? Also, does she say those things while under the influence of alcohol perhaps?

Anita

Dear Sushmita:

You are very welcome. It makes sense that feelings came up intensely, being that (1) you are living in his hometown, (2) all your friends are getting married and having kids (so you feel left out.. different?), and (3) you knowing that at 29, he is still not married.. maybe that gave you hope that there may be a future with him after all..?

You wrote yesterday: “I have no one to share this with.. nobody understands.” You shared similar things in the past.. that you felt so lonely, like you don’t have anyone, living with no sense of connection to anything or to anyone.

Perhaps another reason why these feelings came up because the last time you felt connected to someone was years ago, to him? And in the vacuum of current connections, that past connection reinvaded your emotional space?

Connecting with people is a crucial part of mental health.. because we are social animals, or as one song says: “We are people who need people”.

Thank you for not giving up on yourself and please post again anytime, express yourself, connect wit me here, if you would like. Don’t be alone with your feelings.. and listen to the messages behind your feelings (a need to connect with others..?)

🤍🌿 Anita