Hello Dear Nichole 🙂

So good to read from you this Friday night, makes me happy!

If I understand correctly, you would like to be able to travel and find a place- maybe a big city somewhere- that offers more social opportunities than SWFL, although SWFL may offer social opportunities you’re not aware of?

I believe that the only social opportunity you shared about where you live has been church.

It made me happy to read that you feel so peaceful, alive and well this Friday night. Coming g to think of it, it’s after midnight in FL. You might be asleep as I’m typing this.

I just read for the 3rd time that you think I would be great as a therapist, and it makes me smile every time.

… I’ll answer further using the computer. I may have told you about Bogart contributing to the destruction of my own computer back in Dec, so I have a limited use of the one remaining computer. I often use my phone, like right now.

Back 2 U shortly.

Anita

Hey Dear Confused:

This is just me, Anita, using my phone (I don’t know how to open a new window while being on tiny buddha, so to connect with Copilot when I’m on the phone).

Looks like Copilot’s reply didn’t help. It’s a good thing he doesn’t have an ego, so his feelings- which he doesn’t have either- won’t get hurt 🙂

Sincerely, Copilot, I can clearly see that you’ve been idealizing her, placing her on a pedestal.

Example from your post of an hour ago: you referred to her as a “pure soul”.

I don’t know much about the breed of pure souls, but I imagine using the words “narcissistic asshole” (her words) is not in line with pure soulness 😔

She’s human, is what I’m saying, neither Perfect nor Pure. I think it’ll help to take her off the pedestal.

You ended your post with “How can she be so cruel and walk away?”-

Best I figure is (like I already expressed to you), she was as anxious as hell (your words, or hers, if you repeated her words back on July 20). She was conflicted about you, about the relationship and about the trip, and she used the panic – driving lie to relieve herself from that growing anxiety.

It doesn’t make her a bad person. It doesn’t mean she was deceptive. It makes her human: neither a saint (“a pure soul”), nor a villain (“cruel”)

What thinkest Confused..?

🌿 Anita

Hey Confused: I’ll answer in a couple of hours

Hi Pie 🙂

I’m glad the post opened something for you. It makes sense at 17–18 to think a lot about youth, regret, and the future — those thoughts can feel huge and sometimes a bit overwhelming.

What you wrote shows you’re reflecting deeply, and that’s a good thing. Just remember you don’t need to lock in a life philosophy yet; your sense of meaning will keep changing as you gain more experience. It’s okay to be thoughtful without needing everything to be decided right now.

If you feel like it, I’d love to hear what part of that post struck you the most.

🌿 Anita

Hey Girija:

WOW is what went through my mind as I read your message of only an hour and a half ago ✔️✔️✔️

You expressed a lot of clarity in a very short message.

I want to repeat this as a daily mantra for myself.

Thank you, Girija 🙏

I would love to read how you practice this in your everyday little moments.

✨️✨️✨️ Anita

Hey Dear Confused:

You asked me where did I get it that she was very anxious BEFORE the lie, so using my phone, I went back page by page and found it 5 pages ago (page 108), July 2o:

You wrote back then: “She’s going through a very rough patch because she’s having anxiety and panic attacks with all the stressful events that are unfolding now in her life, also, coming here in 20 days makes her anxious like hell… She said that she’s typing goodnight messages, and she feels dead inside, can’t form sentences easily.”-

See? “anxious like hell”.

I’ll submit this, return to current page so that I can see the rest of your message and reply further.

🤔 Anita

Hi Dear Girija 🌿

What you’re describing feels like the kind of exhaustion that doesn’t just make you tired — it forces you into honesty. When the body and mind hit that level of depletion, you stop performing, you stop overthinking, you stop carrying things that were never yours. You can only choose yourself because there’s no energy left for anything else. And that’s not weakness — that’s a boundary your system is finally enforcing.

It makes sense that travel feels exhausting and work feels dehumanizing. You’ve been giving for years, staying loyal, pushing through fear, and trying to meet impossible expectations. At some point the self‑respect becomes louder than the self‑doubt, and something inside says: enough.

You’re not rejecting work or life — you’re rejecting extraction. You’re rejecting anything that treats you like a resource instead of a human being.

And I can hear the shift in how you talk about fear too. You’re not fighting it anymore. You’re too tired to feed it, and that’s why it’s losing power. This “I don’t care anymore” isn’t apathy — it’s clarity. It’s the moment when you stop saving things that only survive because you keep pouring yourself into them.

This is a raw kind of agency, but it’s still agency. It’s you choosing yourself because your system refuses to let you abandon yourself any further. Let things fall apart if they need to. You’re finally letting life show you what doesn’t deserve your energy.

I’m here with you in this shift 🙂

Anita

Dear Eva:

You’re seeing the situation clearly. You understand the attachment styles, you understand the dynamic, and you understand that the relationship has become one‑sided. The problem now isn’t clarity — it’s letting go.

And what you’re feeling makes sense when you look at your childhood. You grew up with a father who pulled away, stayed silent for days, got angry easily, and made you feel like you had to be perfect to keep the peace — while your mother didn’t buffer the harm. You grew up without anyone saying, ‘you’re good, you’re safe, and I’m here.’

So, you learned that when someone withdraws, it must be because you did something wrong. And now, when a partner becomes distant or avoidant, your nervous system reacts the same way — you try harder, you explain more, you chase understanding, and you look for validation that you’re a good person and not the cause of the disconnection.

But you need to remember who you are in all of this. You’ve built yourself into a strong, disciplined, hardworking woman. You’ve achieved things through effort, consistency, and resilience. You’re self‑aware enough to look at your patterns honestly. You’re emotionally intelligent enough to understand attachment styles and how they shape relationships. You’re brave enough to confront your past instead of running from it. You care deeply, you reflect deeply, and you show up with sincerity — even when it costs you. These are strengths, not weaknesses.

You’re not actually trying to fix this relationship anymore. You’re trying to fix that old childhood feeling of being misunderstood, being seen as ‘the problem,’ or being blamed for someone else’s withdrawal. That’s why letting go feels so hard, and why you keep romanticizing past relationships where you felt even a little emotional presence. You’re not craving the person — you’re craving the feeling of being understood and seen as good.

None of this means you’re doing anything wrong. It means you’re carrying a wound from childhood into your adult relationships. The work now is not to make him understand you, but to understand yourself — to remember that you were always good, especially as a little girl trying your very best to make your parents happy and to keep peace at home, and that your parents’ withdrawals, lack of emotional presence, or unsafe behaviors were never caused by you. You weren’t the problem. They were.

Anita