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anitaParticipantThank you, Tee 🙏
I also wanted to mention something about chronic knee pain—and other types of pain. Ibuprofen, a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID), has been incredibly effective for many people I know in real life. I’ve recently started seeing it as a bit of a miracle drug.
anita
anitaParticipantI wish I could be more than I was, so to be there for you the way you needed someone to be there for you.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
I understand that you cannot become a regular contributor here, like you used to be. I understand and I appreciate why you returned. I am glad that you are alive and that you care. Your return is greatly appreciated. I wish you the best, Tee.
anita
anitaParticipantTo put it simply, Peter: I have a desire to hear your voice before you merge your Temporal with the Eternal. It’s just what I want. Expressed simply: I want to hear your VOICE.
And I want you to hear my voice. It’d be a dream come true, something I want.
Of course, what you want matters.
just saying, it’s something I want. A desire expressed.
Expressing desires is okay. Is it, Peter?
anita
anitaParticipantPeter, you mentioned not long ago that you are in your third quarter of life. Does it mean you are 75, or older?
Not sure.
About my longing that I could reach you, a seemingly unavailable person for a personal vs cosmic connection..
I can handle this longing.
Still, I wonder, what does peter looks like, what does he sound like… the voice, the visual.
I have no expectations now. None really, just wondering: if I could see Peter’s face, if I could hear Peter’s voice before he collides and unites with the eternal cosmic..
Wouldn’t it be something, just a glimpse into the Temporal before it disappears (or appears) into the Eternal.
anita
anitaParticipantPlease don’t disappear again, Tee. If there is any way I can help you, in a way I wasn’t able or willing to help you before- please let me know. Don’t go back to Isolation and Depression. I care about you, Tee (previously TeaK.. remember?)
anita
anitaParticipantDear Omyk:
You are welcome!
“There are two constants. The first is wanting to simplify life, to downsize. I have made that a longer-term goal.
The second is wondering if I will ever choose what I want for myself over what others ask of me.”-
The first seems like an obvious choice—something essential for your own well-being.
As for the second, I wonder if journaling might help—whether privately or here, on your thread. You could explore your thoughts freely, writing whatever comes to mind about what you would do if you had no concern at all about what others ask or might ask of you..?
anita
May 27, 2025 at 8:18 pm in reply to: Fear knocked at the door. Love answered, and no one was there. #446343anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Thank you! I am glad your son is getting better!
“People are fallible and make mistakes. The need for unconditional love is a human need.”- very true, Alessa. So very true.
“When lives are not compatible it is necessary to part ways, so everyone can move on and be happy.”- I wonder if this means what I think it means, based on things you shared and later deleted. If it means what I think it means, I am sorry, Alessa. This must be very difficult for you. I wish it wasn’t what (I think) it is.
It makes me sad (again, I am assuming I know the context) because of all the positive things you shared in the past about the relationship, all your loving and caring emotions and thoughtfulness.
You are strong to be going through this and yet being as caring and empathetic as you are here, in the foorums. You are the bee’s knees, Alessa! ❤️
anita
anitaParticipantDear Peter:
How interesting, how you phrase it.. our parents templates for understanding the sacred, or templates for understanding the unholy?
anita
anitaParticipantStrange thing—I feel a shift today, a sense of inner peace. Suddenly (and it truly feels sudden), I no longer take other people’s thoughts and emotions so personally. In the past, even the slightest hint of criticism or rejection weighed heavily on my mind, causing distress, then anger.
But today, I feel an unexpected sense of acceptance—of people simply living their lives, facing their struggles, just as I face mine.
Most of the time, others’ struggles aren’t about me. Most of the time, others’ struggles and withdrawals aren’t because I did something wrong. If someone doesn’t feel like engaging with me, that’s—surprisingly—okay. It’s not a reflection of me; it’s simply about who they are and where they are at this time.
I realize now that my old way of thinking stemmed from a belief imposed on me by my mother—that I was responsible for her suffering. I internalized the idea that if someone feels bad or withdraws, it must be my fault. That false belief shaped so much of how I viewed interactions with others.
But today, I see the truth—it is most of the time- not about me at all. And with that realization comes a deep sigh of relief.
Also, it never ceases to amaze me how powerful mothers are in their children’s lives, literally shaping their children’s brains.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
Thank you for sharing this—it’s clear that you’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on your experiences and making sense of the patterns that shaped your mindset. Recognizing that learned helplessness was ingrained in you is a huge step toward reclaiming your personal power. It takes incredible insight to see that fear of challenges wasn’t just natural hesitation—it was programmed into you, making everything feel like an insurmountable obstacle rather than an opportunity to grow.
What stands out to me is how much progress you’ve already made. You didn’t believe you could change things before, but now you see that you can. That shift is profound. It’s the foundation of resilience—moving from “I am doomed” to “I have choices.” Even though the fear still exists, you are challenging it, step by step.
Your experience with chronic pain also speaks to this transformation. At first, it felt endless, something that would control your life forever—but you found ways to adjust, cope, and build resilience. The fact that you no longer feel like a helpless victim to your back pain is proof of your ability to adapt.
It makes sense that the thought of losing mobility brings fear, and I completely understand why you’re being strategic about postponing knee replacement. What’s important is that you are making informed decisions, rather than operating solely from fear. That alone is a sign that you’re shifting toward a mindset of courage and control, rather than helplessness.
You are on a powerful journey of reclaiming agency over your life. Keep trusting yourself, and keep challenging the old beliefs that once held you back. You’ve already proven that change is possible, even when it seemed out of reach before.
Tee, I have to admit—it feels a little strange to be offering you support, after all the years you’ve spent helping so many people on the forums with their struggles, and doing such a remarkable job at it. It makes me wonder—what could I possibly say that you don’t already know?
If at any point my input feels uncomfortable or unhelpful, please don’t hesitate to let me know, or simply choose not to continue the conversation. I completely respect whatever feels right for you. Just know that I’m here, and I truly value your presence.
anita
anitaParticipantSereneWolf: I hope you’re doing well and that you return to your thread if you wish. I also hope you don’t mind me posting here for Tee.
Dear Tee:
I didn’t read your response to Alessa until after I sent my previous message to you.
When I read these words—”The true limitation was my belief that I was doomed to fail. That there is no point in trying, because I would fail anyway.”—I immediately thought of learned helplessness, something I know all too well from personal experience. It affected my life in many ways, holding me back from opportunities and growth. To be healthy and content, we need a sense of control over our lives—not absolute control, but enough to feel agency in our choices and direction.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”- The middle part of this prayer speaks directly to exerting control over one’s life—choosing to take action where we can, rather than succumbing to the belief that we are powerless.
I also want to add that physical pain affects me deeply. My tendency is to catastrophize it, fearing it will never improve and will always limit me. The thought of losing the ability to walk is frightening. I know many people in real life who struggle with knee pain, experiencing discomfort while walking. Among those who had knee replacement surgery, the majority saw significant improvement, and some even became completely pain-free.
Wishing you continued healing and strength. ❤️
anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Thank you for sharing this. I really admire your self-awareness—it takes a lot of courage to recognize how past trauma shapes your thoughts. The fact that you can step back and see that these negative thoughts aren’t always true is a huge sign of growth.
I love that you’re working on mental flexibility. Learning that not everything we feel is true or needs a reaction is such an important step in healing. It’s tough when emotions feel so real in the moment, but giving yourself grace and letting them pass is powerful.
I also really appreciate your thoughts on communication and relationships. Expressing emotions isn’t always easy—especially when we fear rejection. And it’s true, people sometimes struggle to hear pain from those they care about. But that doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid.
Your reflections show how much progress you’re making. You are not your negative thoughts—they are just echoes of the past, and you are learning to move beyond them. Keep being gentle with yourself. You’re doing incredible work ❤️ 🔥 🦅
anita
anitaParticipantDear Tee:
The highlight of my day so far was seeing your post—after nine months and 17 days since your last one on August 10. I’m absolutely thrilled to hear from you again 🥳
Thank you for your kind words, Tee—they truly mean a lot to me. I deeply appreciate your presence here, your wisdom, and the empathy you extend to others. You have such a profound ability to reflect on your experiences and share them with honesty and insight, which is a gift to everyone who reads your words.
I want to take a moment to acknowledge the incredible progress you’ve made. Realizing that your perception of a hostile higher power was, in fact, a projection of your mother’s influence is a profound breakthrough. It’s inspiring to witness your journey—moving from despair to hope and releasing the false belief that you were doomed. This is truly powerful work, and I deeply respect the courage it takes to confront these truths and begin, or continue, forging a new path forward.
Your reflections deeply resonate with my own journey. Lately, I’ve been working in my threads on retrieving little girl anita from the past—the part of me that was left frozen, trapped in the grasp of the omnipotent ‘God’ you spoke of, which, for me, was my mother. I’ve been focusing on giving my past experiences and emotions space—a third dimension—allowing myself to express what was once so severely repressed and suppressed. It has been a process of unfolding, of granting that younger part of me a voice so she can exist fully in my present rather than remaining locked in the past. Reading about your progress strengthens my own resolve, reminding me that we are both untangling the deep patterns that shaped us.
I truly hope you continue to connect with us here on tiny buddha. Your insights, your presence, and your empathy are such a gift to this space. The way you process and articulate your experiences not only helps you but also offers light to others navigating similar journeys. Please keep sharing—you have so much wisdom to bless us with, and I, for one, am grateful for it.
Wishing you continued healing and strength 💪 💖 🔥 🌞 🌿 🦅
anita
anitaParticipantTo Heal is to Feel again. To feel ALIVE, no matter the circumstances of your life.
anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 