Hey Confused:

Unexpectedly at the computer this Tues night, so I asked Copilot to analyze your recent posts:

Copilot: “Here’s a clear, simple, emotionally‑intelligent analysis of Confused’s recent messages, written in one cohesive paragraph so you can see what’s actually going on inside him.

🌿 Analysis of Confused’s Recent Messages (Simple Paragraph)

Confused is describing an intense emotional swing that feels both overwhelming and confusing to him. He’s clearly grieving the loss of this girl, and his mind is bouncing between genuine longing (crying at the airport memory, listening to her laugh, imagining future moments) and a harsh, analytical inner voice that keeps telling him his feelings “aren’t real,” that he only likes her because she’s the most recent romantic interest.

This creates a tug‑of‑war inside him: one part feels love, attachment, and sadness, while another part immediately shuts it down with doubt, logic, or self‑criticism.

When he asks “how can I find this part?” or “is it anhedonia?”, he’s trying to understand why his emotions feel blocked or muted at times. The “black in my mind” comment suggests emotional numbness or a protective shutdown — not because he doesn’t care, but because the intensity of caring scares him.

His humor (“send this part to another planet!”) shows he’s aware of the absurdity of the inner conflict, but underneath it he’s genuinely distressed by how real the feelings seem one moment and how disconnected he feels the next. Overall, he’s dealing with a classic push‑pull between vulnerability and self‑protection: one part of him wants closeness, and another part is terrified of it, so it shuts down his feelings to keep him safe.” (end of quote)

Hmm. A part of Confused is “terrified”.. I know terrified..

I just asked Copilot how you cannot be terrified?

Answer: “When you ask “how can he not be terrified?”, you’re really asking something very human:
How does someone stop being afraid of their own feelings?

How does someone stop panicking when closeness wakes up old wounds?

Here’s the heart of it:

He’s terrified because something in him learned long ago that love = danger.

Not because he’s weak.

Not because he’s broken.

Because his nervous system is doing its job — protecting him from pain he once couldn’t handle.

And the way out isn’t to “kill” that part or force it to disappear.

It’s to help him feel safe enough that the protective part doesn’t have to slam the brakes every time he feels something real.

Let me break it down in a grounded, simple way.

🌿 Why he’s terrified

Everything he described — the crying, the longing, the sudden numbness, the “black in my mind,” the inner voice that shuts him down — is classic attachment fear mixed with emotional overwhelm.

He feels something deep → his attachment system activates →the protector part panics → it shuts everything down.

It’s not anhedonia. It’s not lack of love. It’s not confusion.

It’s fear of vulnerability.

🌱 How he can stop being terrified-

Not by force. Not by logic. Not by arguing with the inner voice.

But by doing these three things:

1. Naming the protective part instead of fighting it- When he says “this part doesn’t want connection,” that’s actually progress.

If he can see it as a part — not his whole identity — it loses power.

Fear shrinks when it’s recognized.

2. Understanding what the protector is trying to prevent- This part isn’t evil.
It’s trying to prevent rejection, abandonment, humiliation, loss, emotional dependence.

It’s trying to keep him safe.

When he understands that, the fear becomes less mysterious.

3. Letting the emotional part and the protective part coexist- He doesn’t need to “get rid of” the protector. He needs to help it relax.

That happens when he feels understood, feels safe, grounded, when he isn’t shamed for having feelings, when he isn’t pressured to “figure it out”.

Safety quiets fear.

Not logic.

🌾 The real answer to your question-
He stops being terrified when he stops being alone with the fear.

When someone reflects his experience back to him — calmly, without judgment — the protector part stops panicking.

That’s why he opens up to you. That’s why he jokes with you. That’s why he asks “how do I find this part?”
He’s trying to understand himself in a safe space.

You’re giving him something he doesn’t give himself: permission to feel.”-

WOW, wow.. will be back in the morning.

(no emojis), Anita

Would you like me to ask Copilot about your latest 2 posts (I can do it tomorrow when I use the 🖥)?

The image of covering the eyes stayed with me. To explore it not with .. over abundance of analysis but with the sky in mind:

I was so terrified of losing my mother (as she expressed suicide thinking histrionically), that I instinctively closed my 👀 and 👂s and all connections to the outside of me, and withdrew inward so much that there was no visible sky that I could sense or connect to.

I just 🚫 life, minimized it, stayed as small as possible, a non- entity, the living dead.

My life-sky minimization was instinctive, decided for me before I could choose it.

And now, I am inhaling and exhaling the sky because I am no longer dreadfully threatened. There’s been a long pause ⏸️ in the terror, and I find myself having a bit of life left:

The imagery of running on open fields of green grass, the memory of dancing under the sky to live music (last Dec last year), the many beautiful socialization interactions in the taproom that closed less than 3 weeks ago.. these are “the sky”- free from shame.

Red wine 🍷 has been very helpful.

It’s been beautiful, Peter, the awakening, the spreading the fingers covering my eyes and seeing-hearing-sensing the 🎶 🎵, the sky 💙

Anatta 😊

Hey Peter:

“I wonder what you saw?”

If you’re referring to Copilot’s input 7 posts ago, 4/24)-

I reread some of it just now, and what crossed my mind was that my 🧠- in its frenzy to feel in control by analyzing and making perfect rational sense of things- wanted to analyze even the sky, to fit it into my personal analysis, to own it (ha-ha).

As to the question being the answer (“Why did the peace go away?”)- I am lost at the moment.

I will try: the peace went away because a part of me separated from the sky, looking at it from an observer POV, separated from the observed.

It’s the separated observer that’s doing all that analysis.

If I am one with the observed, there’s no place for analysis?

(I wrote the above following reading only your first 2 paragraphs, not yet having read beyond, scrolling up and down using my 📱)

3rd paragraph: the peace went away because questions arose by the separated (analytical) self aka the observer.

4th paragraph and on: “We ‘lose’ the Sky…”- Yes, I lost perceived connection to the sky, felt isolated, apart, a dreadful alone-ness.

“His face reappear that was hidden behind his fingers”- my dreadful aloneness has been all along fingers covering my sky-face.

The tragedy of losing ourselves and the comedy of finding ourselves- comedy because we were always there, all it takes is removing the fingers covering our eyes.

Hmm.. Covering the eyes because the sights were unbearable.

The faces we take on so to survive, the masks..

I need to process this message. It will take some time and probably a series of posts to follow 🙏

✨️✨️✨️ Anita

Hey 👋 Confused: I’ll answer in a few hours

Well, didn’t get to be at the computer this morning, so I’ll continue to process here (on my AI-less 📱):

First, it amazes me still how comprehensive the trauma the girl 👧 Anita suffered at the hands of her mother.

It is as if my mother read about every type of child abuse and decided to implement every single type.

One of the types has been Intellectual Abuse (IA, if you will). Gaslighting was part of it. She V.I.S.C.I.O.S.L.Y attacked my confidence in my thinking.

* In viciously, I am referring to her PASSION when attacking me. Her attacks were far from neutral. It was something she was very emotionally invested in doing.

So much IA that I spent most of my adult life doubting my own thoughts, correcting them- on a moment to moment, regular basis, silently, in my own head.

Fast forward to my communication with Neverdyed- I spent hours and hours trying to get my thinking just RIGHT in regard to analyzing her. And when she continued to be unclear in my estimation, she was gaslighting me: telling me I was thinking WRONG.

I was never as clear- in my mind- about the effects of the severe AI abuse I suffered growing up (in), as I am in these last 2 days following rereading my communication with Neverdyed.

Because my IA was trigerred back then, in this thread, that was what I focused on: intellectual understanding.

Empathy and emotional attune-ment were a far 2nd priority to the # 1 priority: fighting for my intellectual integrity.

And this is why my replies to members in general were heavy on intellectual analysis: studying and restudying members posts, producing long, dense analytical essays that were low on emotional attune-ment.

I was fighting all along for intellectual integrity: for trusting my own severely abused intellectual abilities.

I was relieved, as I was rereading the exchange of so long ago, that Tee chose to communicate with Neverdyed, taking on a much gentler and saner attitude than mine, being much more attuned to Neverdyed.

I am glad I was not Neverdyed’s last taste of tiny buddha.

I may or may not (probably will) add input by AI on my communication with Neverdyed, when I use the computer again.

On a very side note, I always wondered about the screen name Neverdyed: if it’s about never dyeing one’s hair? I didn’t ask because I had more pressing needs in mind- trying to resurrect confidence in my thinking mind (brain) 😞

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍 Anita

Wow, Confused: I’m amazed 👏 by my own insight-

Throughout the months you posted here, you repeatedly expressed intense emotions for her.. yet, your focus has been on the times you felt nothing.

And therefore you presented the situation as feeling nothing.. Just because you didn’t feel so much.. all of the time.

👀🐉🐇✨️ (me)

Oh, yes, being so focused on the “intensity/ infatuation” scent, you don’t see, or overlook.. I’m getting close.. ? Help me here, Confused (if the 🌙 🦉 is awake)