Hi Everyone:

Wow, Peter, this is the best down to earth, tell it to me like I’m a five year old explanation of Duality vs Non-duality that I’ve ever read, thank you!

I asked: “Being that the concept of the-other is so instinctually entrenched in nature (all animal species, I think), and we humans are still an animal species.. How can any human undo or redo pre-human nature and not have a concept of the-other?
Or is non-duality about lessening the frequency and intensity of the concept of ‘the other’ in people whose concept of the-other is.. too much, too often?”-

From your reply, Peter, I gather that your answer is that the concept of the-other is indeed instinctually entrenched in nature (“Hyenas, like you said, act from instinct… responding from instinct protecting their space and chase away others. That’s nature doing its job.”), and that non-duality is not about undoing the natural, instinctual concept of the-other but lessening its frequency and intensity (“we can soften our judgments.”).

So, we, humans cannot not judge at all, but we can soften our judgment. Personally, I do need to judge less often, way less. I am opening to this.

“We can notice when we’re sorting the blocks too tightly”- I do need to loosen my sorting 🙂

I am taking a moment to meditate on the above.

“Imagine you’re a child playing with building blocks. At first, there’s just the blocks and the joy of playing. But then, you start sorting them: red blocks here, blue blocks there. You say, ‘This one is mine,’ and ‘That one is not.'”-

“God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.” (Genesis 1:3–4)- the beginning of sorting: light (good); darkness (bad).

Next to be sorted was water below (oceans) from water above (clouds or such): “And God said, ‘Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water.’ So God made the vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it.” (Genesis 1: 6-7).

.. And the deal-breaker sorting: “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die”. (Genesis 2: 16-17).

Like you said yesterday, Peter, “The story of eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is… the birth of duality”. I would add that it was the birth of the complexity of duality in human psychology.

Thank you, Peter, for this exceptional down to earth reply, for honoring my request for one 🙏

Thank you, Tee, for your reply 🙏

“Now thinking about it, perhaps eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil refers to the state of consciousness when we start seeing ourselves as good and the other as evil? This is the first time that this interpretation has occurred to me, but perhaps it’s a feasible one?”-

In my personal story, in-the-beginning God (my mother) created the heavens and the earth (my core beliefs), darkness was over the surface of the deep, and her spirit hovering over the waters, telling me: You are bad! Shame on you..!

So, I believed (and resisted the idea) that I was bad. Never free of that darkness.

“when we see the other as a threat, as evil”- I saw myself as evil. I saw me as “the other” (self fragmentation, dissociation, alienation). And I often perceived others’ reactions to me.. others’ feedback on what I shared, others’ advice, etc., as re-accusations that I was indeed bad, and that I should be ashamed of myself.

I am making progress in this regard.

I am looking forward to reading more of your interpretation and thoughts 🙂

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

You are welcome, and thank you for.. being you!

You deserve something better than what you had with SS, something more mature, more trustworthy, something you can rest in, feeling safe.

💞🫱🫲🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Q:

I read both your initial posts and I’d like to respond to both here.

“he started to cry and told me that he’s trying so hard to be better because of me. That I’m his inspiration… why can’t I accept and take this as a compliment?… I feel like I’m always helping everyone else. I want someone to be there for me to the same extent and with the same understanding that I give.”-

Maybe, just maybe this role of taking care of others started early on in your life, maybe taking care of a parent so that he/ she will be able (once helped enough, once strong enough) to take care of you..?

And you got really good at helping others.. yet the reward (being helped back) didn’t reach you yet?

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Q::

“More noticeably, I notice myself feeling like ‘Moving on and dating other women feels like I’m cheating on her.”-

To me, this sounds like .. childhood guilt awakening in an adult- romantic context.

You wouldn’t be cheating on her dating other women. It feels like cheating on her because..?

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Nichole:

I just looked back at our communication over the years, the first day you posted and the same day I responded was Aug 21, 2018, that’s.. 7 years 1 month and 24 days ago 🤍

“I also began reading your entry on diving into your childhood (It Is really good)”- thank you! Anything you want to ask me about what I wrote here, please do (quote my words, so that I’ll know what you’re referring to).

“When I look back at my relationships I often find that I was the clingy one. I cannot just say I gave more and they gave less, it was more like I needed love right then and there as I was deprived of it so I didn’t mind laying down as a doormat for it.”-

Me too. The pattern was: clingy emotions, doormat behavior => angry, lashing out (inwardly or outwardly) and withdrawing. I suppose that’s why I was diagnosed years ago with BPD (I no longer fit the diagnosis).

“More recently, with the last five years of growth, I am less clingy, less desperate and I know myself more and what I like. I try to give others the space to be them without trying to control or romanticize the relationship. But all of this is a work in progress.”-

Excellent job, Nichole, that’s a lot of healing 💫✨🌿✨🌸🕊️🌼

“Having my family back in my life was easy and I became lazy with trying to connect. So I do not have much experience as of recently.”- I am not sure that I understand this sentence..?

“What I realized in this group is my expectation for others to take the leap and open their arms to me. I lack initiative in this area and other areas of my life.”- it’d take practice, starting perhaps with imagining yourself reaching out to someone (what would you say, what would you actually do, expression on your face, etc.)

“Well that is my start, I am eager to hear yours.”- Well, Nichole, I’ll start today by saying I really like you, and I am glad that we’re communicating again. I’d like to connect with you more like with a friend, both of us helping each other in this journey of positively connecting with people, one person at a time. With discernment, of course, when and if it’s safe.

Distrust in people prevented me from connecting. I was too sensitive to any sign of rejection or disinterest and reacted with withdrawal and disengagement. I am clearer now, in my mind, about this long-term, lifelong distrust and misperceptions of many people (not of all) in my life. Work in Progress, like you said.

🤍🌿 Anita