Dear Lady F:

I wanted to expand on my message from yesterday, now that I have more space to elaborate.

When someone is trapped in depression, their emotions can feel isolated, unheard, or even invalidated by those who—often with good intentions—try to “fix” them. But emotions don’t need fixing—they need space. You can support your sister by creating that space for her emotions in a way that feels safe and accepting.

Ways to Support Her:

1. Instead of offering her solutions, you might say:

“I hear you, and I can see how much you’re struggling.”

“It makes sense that you feel that way, and I’m here to listen.”

Hearing acceptance of her emotions without judgment can be deeply grounding and remind her that her feelings matter.

2. If she says things like “Nothing I do matters” or “I’ll never accomplish anything,” instead of contradicting her with statements like “You do matter!” or “You can accomplish anything you want!” (which may feel hard for her to accept), try shifting the perspective gently:

“I know it might feel that way right now. But I see so much in you, even if you can’t see it yet.”

“You’ve overcome more than you realize, and I believe in you.”

Small shifts like these plant seeds for future self-recognition, without forcing positivity when she isn’t ready for it.

3. Depression makes everything feel overwhelming, but gentle actions can slowly create movement:

Invite her to join you for a walk, a movie, or a quiet coffee outing—low-pressure activities that remind her she’s not alone.

Help her explore her dreams without pressure by asking gentle questions like, “What’s one small step toward something that matters to you?”

Offer non-verbal support, like sitting with her in silence or sending a lighthearted text if talking feels too difficult.

4. Take care yourself, as Alessa wisely suggested. Your own well-being matters too. If you need time to step away and recharge, you can let her know:

“I’m always here for you, and I care deeply. But I also need to take care of myself so I can keep showing up in the best way I can.”

Depression isn’t something anyone can fix, but love, presence, and validation can make a difference. Even if she struggles to see her worth right now, your steady support reminds her that it exists.

Sending you and your sister strength, Lady F. 💛

anita

* edit: I think there is something you can do for her

Dear Lunar:

First off, I just want to acknowledge again how exhausting and frustrating this situation must feel. You’ve moved to a new country, taken on jobs that don’t fulfill you, struggled to build connections, and all while navigating a relationship that feels more suffocating than loving. That’s a lot to carry, and it makes complete sense that you’re feeling isolated, unheard, and emotionally drained.

I’d like to respond more thoroughly to your initial post this morning:

“Firstly she will say I make a face and she “hates the face I am making,” usually when I am upset, distracted, annoyed, etc. She says the same thing to her family as well.”-

So—she doesn’t ask you how you feel or what’s behind the expression on your face. She just criticizes you for it because your emotions inconvenience her?

(This reminds me of my mother. I don’t think she ever asked me how I felt, but she definitely criticized me for the expressions on my face, accusing me of things based on emotions or expressions I hadn’t even chosen.)

If she dislikes seeing any negative emotions, it implies an expectation that you must always appear happy or neutral—which isn’t realistic or fair. Over time, this can make you feel like you have to monitor or suppress your emotions to maintain peace, walking on eggshells. But suppression leads to self-alienation and emotional exhaustion.

Instead of supporting you through your emotions, she’s trying to erase them. You shouldn’t have to mask your feelings to maintain peace—that’s not how love should function.

In a healthy relationship, emotions—even difficult ones—should be acknowledged, respected, and understood, not criticized or rejected.

Control isn’t love—it often stems from fear, insecurity, and unprocessed pain. You deserve acceptance—a relationship where your emotions are seen, your independence is respected, and your happiness isn’t measured by how well you conform to someone else’s expectations.

Love should never feel like a set of rules to follow. It should allow both people to be fully themselves, without fear of punishment or restriction. You are not wrong for wanting space, autonomy, and emotional freedom—those are basic human needs, and they deserve to be respected.

I hope you remind yourself that your needs matter. You are allowed to want a relationship that feels safe, open, and freeing—not one that requires constant justification or adaptation to someone else’s fears. I know this isn’t an easy situation, but I truly hope you find clarity, courage, and the space to honor what you need.

Sending you strength. 💛

Anita

Dear Alessa:

I took a moment to meditate on one of your affirmations—”It’s okay to make mistakes.” That has always been a big one for me, too—fearing mistakes, believing that each one meant I was a bad, worthless person 😞.

Seeing you embrace these affirmations and truly feel their impact is such a powerful step. You deserve to believe in every word you wrote—they reflect your strength, growth, and capacity for self-love 😊❤️.

Anita

Dear Peter:

“Lead us not where shadows lie, Where maps replace the living sky. Deliver us from fear’s cruel hungry thread, The root from which all evil’s bred.”-

This passage, to me, speaks to emotional suppression, self-alienation, and fragmentation—themes at the heart of my recent posts and reflections in the forums. It captures the struggle of being disconnected from one’s true self.

“Lead us not where shadows lie” – Suppressed emotions suffocate in the shadows, buried for protection from pain. But in doing so, we become alienated from ourselves, not truly alive, not truly dead.

“Where maps replace the living sky” – Maps symbolize rigid, predefined paths. Emotional suppression makes us follow a script rather than experience life authentically, cutting us off from spontaneity, intuition, and emotional freedom— cutting us off from the Living Sky.

The Living Sky is about the full expression of emotions, those energies in motion (e-motion). When emotions remain unexpressed, they suffocate—neither fully alive nor completely gone. And in suppressing them, so do we.

“Deliver us from fear’s cruel hungry thread” – Fear is often the force behind emotional suppression and fragmentation. It fractures parts of ourselves in an attempt to stay safe—safe.. in a state of being not quite alive, yet not quite dead.

“The root from which all evil’s bred” – Chronically repressed emotions manifest in anger, resentment, cycles of avoidance, and destructive behaviors. The longer emotions remain buried, the more they distort perception and disconnect us from our true selves, and from others.

To me, this prayer pleads for liberation from emotional suppression and fear-based fragmentation—a call to live fully, openly, and rooted in emotional truth.

Anita

About my own alienation, suppression and reconnection, speaking my own truth:

My mother was emotional, controlling (of me), and unpredictable—she wasn’t the strong, steady, contained presence I needed.

For hours, she would tell me about all the times she had been wronged, recounting them in painstaking detail. Often, she insisted I had wronged her, too. If an emotion showed on my face—even a fleeting expression she disapproved of—she accused me of it.

I remember once, when I was five or six, I happened to express my pain, my angst—but instead of comfort, she accused me of doing something wrong.

Once, I couldn’t help but express my distress about missing her. She responded with contained anger—not her usual uncontrolled, frightening rage. In that moment, my longing for her was an inconvenience.

She used to tell me that, compared to her childhood, I was lucky, and therefore had no right to feel anything but gratitude—as if any pain I had was invalid, unjustified. But instead of embracing my supposed “luck,” she resented it. She shamed and guilt-tripped me for having the physical comforts that she didn’t.

She took center stage in emotional expression—there was space for hers, but never for mine. I learned to hide what I felt, to silence myself. There was no room for me to be heard, seen, or validated.

I lived in fear of expressing anything that inconvenienced her, never knowing when my emotions might unintentionally surface on my face, in the tone of my voice, or in the “wrong” choice of words—only to be condemned or lashed out at.

Silencing myself became a way to try to avoid conflict, and it became a deeply ingrained habit. My emotions were no longer something to feel—they were something to suppress.

I grew exhausted from holding everything in. I started doubting myself—not even knowing what I felt, whether my thoughts were correct, or even something as simple as what ice cream flavor I preferred. Making thoughtful choices or decisions became an excruciating process, resulting in the situation that my choices were largely impulsive.

I lost touch with who I was. Connecting with people became terrifying, because it required me to feel emotions that were overwhelming. And so, I lived a socially isolated life for the most part. Alone and Lonely. And Afraid. Confused, Troubled and Exhausted. The fear and suppressed emotions fueled my motor and vocal tics since early childhood, a constant physical tension and pain that’s ongoing.

About Reconnection: Through expressing myself and speaking my truth—just as I am doing now in this post—I have been freeing my emotions from the suffocating darkness of suppression. Where they once lacked air, light, and space, they are now emerging, breathing, and finally being seen.

Freed, they are no longer so intense, no longer overwhelming. It feels as if, almost suddenly, I have the strength to hold them—instead of fearing them so much that I had to push them away, just to protect myself from the overwhelm.

I am no longer afraid of that energy in motion (e-motion) like I used to be, so I give them their space to be, to breathe.

As a matter of fact, Ben, if you’re reading this—you’ve been a part of my journey in reconnecting to my emotions. It was in your thread that I first read the phrase “giving space” to emotions, and it stayed with me. That simple yet profound idea helped shape my own healing, and for that, I thank you. 🙏💛

Anita