Dear Shandrea:

I am sorry to see that you deleted your account, anytime you want to come back (under a different account, please do!

anita

Dear Joseph:

“I know it seems rather excessive… ungodly amount… I know I sound horrible, lazy, and unreliable. . I want to work, I want to succeed“- I would say that the first step to making progress/ to succeed is to no longer judge yourself as horrible, lazy and unreliable, and to no longer magnify your failures and minimize your successes. The first step is to.. be on your side, to have empathy for yourself.

“I dealt with a lot of traumatic events as a child, to which many they have not been confronted nor overcome. I dealt with drug addiction and alcoholism, abandonment, self-isolation, suicidal thoughts and one attempt, anger issues, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and so much more“- there is a traumatized, hurt boy that you carry with you everywhere you go.

“I’ve worked in security, food, manufacturing, construction, automotive, road safety, maintenance, and order fulfillment. 44 jobs. All in my 11 year working history. Jobs that most people pray for, because of the job security, benefits, and most importantly, the pay… There were times I was bringing in 4 figure paychecks every week… I do not mind back breaking labor, or long days, or even extremely difficult days“- congratulations for working so much and for so long, ever since you were 18! You are a hard-working man, a hard working husband, and a hard working father (Focus on the positives)!

“I just can’t seem to stay committed to one job… Why is this such a difficult situation for my brain to wrap itself around?… How do I fix this?… I truly fear I am broken…  Can anyone else relate?“- I can very much relate to feeling broken and to having a broken career path (more like a no-career path). I too caried a traumatized, hurt child within me (aka inner child) wherever I went, and she too could not commit herself to any workplace because each such place felt like the place where she grew up, the place where she was still trapped. She kept looking for a way out. Do you relate?

anita

Dear Krish:

“there is history of domestic violence in their family. There is no respect, compassion, empathy, understanding and consideration of one’s feelings in their marriage and that is the example they set for their son… my in-laws (my ex’s mother and father) said that he is not at fault, and his uncle and aunt (my mothers in-law’s sister ) said that my ex is at fault“- I understand the difference. I don’t know more details (such as did his aunt & uncle offer you any practical help following saying the words that your ex was at fault), but it is your right (one you don’t have to go to court for) to have no contact with all of them.

“I have blocked them altogether and don’t want to entertain them anymore in my life. Please keep me in your prayers“- may your ex and his family learn respect and compassion for each other and for other people. May they respect your understandable choice to have no contact with any and all of them. May you heal from the trauma of domestic violence and abuse, and spread your compassion, empathy and understanding to all with whom you choose to have contact.

anita

Dear Seaturtle:

“ I feel I am too much. What do you think?“- I realize that before I respond further, I need to understand what you mean by being too much: can you explain to me what you mean by it, dear Sea Turtle?

anita

Dear Nichole: So GOOD to read from you again! I will reply further Mon morning.

anita

Dear Krish:

“I want to forget those years of my marriage and I know that these don’t define me“- seems to me that the honesty, kindness, and reasonable thinking that you displayed in this thread, as well as your courage and grace.. these are some of the things that define you.

“If she really meant well for me (I do give benefit of doubt), the only thing I can do within my capacity is pray for her and her family“- excellent attitude and approach. Reading this reminded me to do the same in regard to some people in my life.

“I trust my conscience“- a major factor in one’s mental health.

“People try to manipulate me by saying that they have issues with my ex’s family because they took sides with me and supported me…  It is a way of making me responsible for issues in their relationship. I don’t resort to manipulation“- so, your ex’s family was not satisfied with him getting away with no legal consequences for his violence against you, and with him getting out of the marriage with zero financial cost to him.. they also don’t want anyone saying something that’s supportive of the victim.. ?

“I said to them of lately that in a domestic violence scenario there is no room for taking sides as the perpetrator will abuse for petty reasons and is unreasonable“- yes.

“Thank you for being very supportive and I am happy to be part of this forum.“- you are welcome, and thank you for being here!

anita

Dear Krish: You are very welcome! I will reply further in the next day or so.

anita

Dear Shandrea:

You have been honest here, never a hint of dishonesty. You are welcome, Shandrea, and thank you for saying that I am a good person. I guess we are both good people! (I will soon be away from the computer for the rest of the day). I hope that you have a relaxing Sat, the kind of a day that a good person deserves!

anita