Dear Zenith:

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been dealing with IBS since 2015. I’ve been learning more about IBS this Friday morning, and I wanted to share some of what I’ve come across. I hope it can help in some small way.

IBS seems to result from a mix of factors, but here are two key ones:

(1) Brain-Gut Communication Issues: Your brain and gut (stomach and intestines) are constantly “talking” to each other, sharing messages like:

Gut to Brain: “I’m hungry,” “I’m full,” or “It’s bathroom time!”

Brain to Gut: “I’m stressed,” or “Something’s wrong!”

In IBS, these messages can get scrambled. Here’s an example of how they might miscommunicate:

Brain says: “I’m feeling super stressed right now—this is a big deal!”

Gut responds: “Oh no, stress signals! Should I speed up or slow down? I’m confused!” (causing cramping or discomfort).

Brain reacts: “The gut is upset, so something must really be wrong.”

Another example:

Gut says: “Just a tiny gas bubble here—nothing unusual!”

Brain overreacts: “Hmm, what if that’s not normal? It might be serious!”

Gut, worried: “Uh-oh, the brain is panicking. Better send stronger signals!” (resulting in bloating or pain).

Brain concludes: “This really hurts! Something must definitely be wrong!” (making anxiety worse and the cycle continues).

(2) Changes in Gut Bacteria or Digestive Tract Health: A healthy gut has a balance of “good” and “bad” bacteria. If this balance shifts (more “bad” bacteria or less diversity), it can lead to IBS symptoms like bloating, gas, and bathroom troubles. Sometimes, IBS starts after a gut infection (called post-infectious IBS) where the gut stays sensitive even after the infection clears.

Additionally, certain bacteria in the gut can ferment undigested food, producing gas and bloating that can be especially uncomfortable for someone with IBS.

These changes might happen due to stress, diet, antibiotics, or past infections. Some people find relief with dietary changes (like a low-FODMAP diet) or probiotics, but it’s always best to check with a healthcare provider before making changes.

Here’s a quick rundown of low-FODMAP foods, which tend to be gentler on the gut:

Fruits: Bananas, oranges, strawberries, blueberries, kiwi.

Vegetables: Carrots, cucumbers, zucchini, spinach, bell peppers.

Proteins: Chicken, turkey, eggs, fish, firm tofu.

Dairy Alternatives: Almond milk, lactose-free milk, hard cheeses like cheddar.

Grains: Rice, quinoa, oats, gluten-free bread or pasta.

Nuts/Seeds: Almonds (small amounts), peanuts, sunflower seeds, chia seeds.

These foods avoid the hard-to-digest carbs found in high-FODMAP foods, like apples, pears, onions, garlic, beans, milk, and soft cheeses. The idea is to temporarily avoid high-FODMAP foods, then slowly reintroduce them to see what works for you.

I hope this information is helpful, Zenith. I’m here for you if you ever want to talk about it more. Wishing you strength and comfort in managing this— I know how tough it can be. Take care of yourself!

anita

Dear Jana:

Nothing to fear, Jana, I promise you! Truly, really, I feel nothing but love for you, and truly I’ve been so sad about you leaving the forums. I really, really don’t want you to go! I will do my best to accommodate you, I promise! You touched my heart, and I felt badly since your goodbye. Please don’t go.

I will not do anything to hurt you.

anita

Dear Zenith:

I’m glad you reached out—it’s always so good to hear from you! I’m doing well, thank you for asking. The improving weather lifted my spirits— I even wore shorts two days in a row, it’s that warm!

First, please don’t ever feel selfish for posting when you need support. I genuinely care about you and want to be here for you, whether you’re looking for advice, a listening ear, or just someone to share your thoughts with. Life can feel so overwhelming at times, and reaching out takes strength and courage, not selfishness.

I’m sorry to hear about the health issues you’re facing. Anxiety affecting your gut is challenging, and I can imagine how much harder it makes everything. That you’ve been dealing with this for two years speaks to your resilience, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Please give yourself the credit you deserve for managing such a tough situation.

Regarding cravings and struggles with eating before your periods— I completely understand how hard that can be, especially when your emotions are already heightened. Be gentle with yourself during this time. Maybe instead of focusing on strict control, you could try small, manageable steps, like keeping a few healthier snacks on hand that you genuinely enjoy. Even small acts of self-care can go a long way in supporting yourself with kindness and love.

It’s also wonderful to read that you’re feeling emotionally stronger overall, despite these challenges. That shows real progress and strength. When you feel discouraged, try to remind yourself of how far you’ve come— you’ve faced difficulties head-on and continue to navigate them, one step at a time.

You mentioned feeling like you’re “so easy to convince” and struggling to stand by your own opinions. But I see someone who is incredibly thoughtful and introspective— these are strengths, not weaknesses. It’s perfectly okay to seek reassurance or feel uncertain at times— we all do. Trust yourself, Zenith. You’re more than capable of making good decisions and standing firm when it matters most.

I know you’re carrying a heavy emotional load, and I’m really proud of you for how you’re handling it. But remember, you don’t have to handle it all alone. I’m here to support you, and seeking help is a true sign of strength.

Take it one day at a time— you’ve got this. Please take care of yourself, and let me know how I can help.

anita

Dear omyk:

I’ve been reflecting on what you’ve shared, both recently and over the course of the past year. I wanted to take a moment to share some thoughts, as your story has deeply resonated with me.

In your recent posts, you’ve shared: “Recently, I have something like buyer’s remorse, worried that I missed the boat… I can’t say that I was happy every day I was married. In fact, I was often unhappy… I’m tired of feeling like I’m always behind the eight ball, never caught up on everything that needs to be done.”

Having read these words alongside what you shared in your threads “Life Lesson and Accountability” (July 22–Aug 9, 2024) and “Big Step, Widower” (Oct 27, 2024), it seems to me that your life has been a testament to responsibility and devotion. You’ve poured yourself into fulfilling various roles—husband, father, provider, and minister—while striving to live up to societal and familial expectations.

Your posts consistently reflect a deep sense of accountability and a genuine desire to do what’s “right” for others. That’s such an admirable quality. But as I read, I couldn’t help but wonder if, amidst all this, you’ve had the chance to truly attend to your own deeper emotional and personal needs—the ones that exist beyond approval, beyond roles, and beyond obligations.

It seems that now you’re beginning to explore those questions. You’ve spoken about embracing simplicity, independence, and even questioning what a romantic connection might look like if it were to align with the person you’ve become. These reflections are powerful and courageous, and they point toward a man who is ready to reclaim his life as his own.

I was inspired to share a short poem with you. I hope it resonates with where you are now and speaks to the possibilities ahead:

For years, you wore the woven cloak,
Of duties sown with silent thread,
A parent, partner, provider strong,
A path by others laid ahead.

But deep within, a quiet voice,
Has whispered truths you’ve yet to know,
A need, not theirs, but wholly yours,
A seed of longing left to grow.

Breathe deeply now, unbind the weight,
Of roles assigned, of oughts and shoulds,
And walk the path that’s marked by you,
Through the uncharted fields and quiet woods.

So dare to dream, as only you,
What brings you joy, what makes you whole.

The world may call, but let it wait,
Its claims on you no longer bind,
You are the keeper of your needs,
The treasure map within your mind.

Unfold your wings, unearth your fire,
Be bold, be still, or take the stage,
This chapter is yours—no rules, no guide,
A turning leaf, a brighter page.

Whatever path you choose to walk, omyk, I hope it’s one that feels authentic and fulfilling for you. Thank you for sharing your journey—it’s inspiring to see someone reflect so deeply on life’s challenges and possibilities. Take care, and I’m here if you’d ever like to continue this conversation.

anita

Dear Tom:

You are welcome! I understand how overwhelming it must feel to be stuck in a job you hate while also worrying about the financial consequences of leaving.

I wonder if you’ve considered the possibility of leaving the job, even if it comes with some financial cost, but minimizing that cost by making specific financial arrangements beforehand. Sometimes, when we feel lost, finding a way to prioritize our mental well-being while strategically planning for the financial transition can help us move forward.

For example, you might explore creating a budget to reduce non-essential expenses, saving up for a financial cushion before leaving, or even looking into part-time or freelance work to bridge the gap. Perhaps there are resources within your field or local community—like job placement programs, training opportunities, or even networking groups—that could help you transition more smoothly.

Ultimately, it’s a tough decision to make, but you deserve to feel a sense of purpose and peace in your daily life. If you’d like, I can help you brainstorm more specific steps, or simply be here to listen as you work through these feelings.

anita

Dear Omyk:

It’s clear that this situation is pulling you in different directions. On the one hand, you’re intrigued by the connection you’ve felt with this person and feel drawn to explore it further. On the other hand, your sense of responsibility, your commitment to your family and community, and your concerns about potential risks are all weighing heavily on you.

I can understand why the idea of visiting feels both tempting and risky. While it’s true that taking risks is often part of life’s journey, it’s also important to weigh what truly aligns with your values and long-term goals. You’ve already shown great strength and commitment to staying focused on what matters most to you. It might help to consider whether this potential visit aligns with those priorities or if it could complicate them.

Regarding the age difference and your question about interest vs. friendship, those are legitimate concerns. Relationships can thrive across age gaps when both people share mutual understanding and intentions, but it’s also important to ensure clarity about feelings and expectations. Uncertainty about how this person feels could make the situation even harder to navigate.

It’s okay to take your time with this decision. If it feels like visiting right now may pull you away from the stability and focus you’ve built, perhaps staying the course and revisiting the idea later (if circumstances change) could bring greater peace of mind. On the other hand, if you feel compelled to explore the connection, being upfront about your intentions with this person might help you gauge whether it’s worth pursuing.

Whatever you decide, I hope you’ll be kind to yourself in the process. No decision is ever perfect, and what matters most is that it comes from a place of clarity and alignment with what feels right for you and your values.

anita

Bye, bye Jana, and an advanced “Všechno nejlepší k narozeninám, Jano ❤️🐺!!!

anita