Dear Eva:

You loved him. That’s real. That’s sacred. And now your body is trying to understand how something so big could end. Of course it hurts. Of course it feels stuck. You’re not failing to move on — you’re surviving the rupture.

Here are a few gentle things that you can try so to feel better:

* Sit quietly, place one hand on your chest and one on your stomach. Breathe slowly. Say to yourself: “I am safe. I am grieving. My body is allowed to feel.”

* Instead of replaying the breakup, name your feelings: try saying: “This is sadness.” “This is longing.” “This is fear.” Naming the feeling helps your brain shift from spiraling to soothing.

* Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice cube. It can interrupt the panic loop and bring you back to the present.

* Try journaling a few lines to your body, like: “Dear chest, I know you’re hurting. I’m listening.” “Dear stomach, I know you’re scared. I’m here.” This helps you reconnect with your body as an ally, not an enemy.

You don’t have to accept that it’s over all at once. You don’t have to move on today. You just have to survive this moment. And then the next. And I promise — even if it doesn’t feel like it — your heart will find its rhythm again.

You are not alone in this garden of grief. And you are not broken for feeling it so deeply.

🤍Anita

You are welcome, Eva.

You were asking for connection and respect, and instead of being met with empathy, you were told you were lacking “understanding.”

In other words, you were expressing real, valid needs. But he framed those needs as a problem, leading to the breakup.

Accusing you of being not “understanding” enough — flips the script. Instead of him being accountable for neglect or emotional distance, he positioned you as the problem. This is a classic reversal tactic that leaves the other person carrying the emotional burden.

It seems like love and connection with him were contingent on your silence and self-erasure. The idea that you might have “saved” the relationship by suppressing your needs suggests you were trained to believe that emotional expression equals rejection…?

Eva, you didn’t ruin the relationship by speaking up — you revealed a truth that he wasn’t willing to meet. Your needs weren’t too much — they were unmet.

You deserve to grieve not just the loss of the relationship, but the loss of safety in expressing your truth. That grief is sacred. It’s not weakness — it’s evidence of your emotional integrity.

With care, Anita

Good Morning, Zenith: I changed my mind.. please disregard the Goodby 😊

Would you like me to have an email address of yours where we can continue to communicate, Zenith?

Anita

I know anxiety all too well and I know fear of people, but I am discovering my own fierceness. I am discovering what it means and how to make it work for me (and for others).. And so can you. It takes learning, beginning in “small” ways. I put small in quotations because whenever you assert yourself just right.. there’s nothing small about it.

If you want, we can practice: you be you and I’ll play the part of your manager.. or co-sister or mil.

(I have to leave soon and be back to the computer tonight).

Anita

She got it from you! The Fierceness is within you, I noticed it from the time we first started talking 🔥