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anita

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Viewing 15 posts - 886 through 900 (of 3,941 total)
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  • in reply to: Why Telling Survivors to ‘Get Over It’ Is Harmful #445703
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Peter:

    I’m truly sorry that you felt unsafe or silenced 😔

    When I said, “If you have nothing supportive to say, dear reader, don’t say anything at all. Don’t rain on my parade,” I was setting a boundary against dismissive comments. I was thinking about a rude and dismissive response I received in another thread recently—but I never meant to shut down thoughtful, respectful discussions.

    You have always been kind and considerate—not dismissive or rude, not to me, not to anyone. I deeply value your perspective, and I want this to be a space where we can engage openly and honestly.

    Of course, no one is perfect, and I don’t expect every response to be 100% validating or kind. I’m certainly not 100% anything myself. What truly frustrates me are comments that go out of their way to be rude.

    I also find it so interesting that you received criticism for letting go, while I received criticism for the opposite. If a dialogue on detachment and letting go feels meaningful to you, I’d love to explore it together. What aspects of the practice do you feel are most misunderstood?

    And one more thing—you are amazing, Peter. Please know that your voice is always welcome here. 💙

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alessa:

    Thank you for trusting me with this question. ❤️

    I could have written what you shared myself: “My instinctive bond with my biological mother was damaged to the point that I no longer felt it toward her. I learned to not come to her for any reason and avoid her as much as possible. As a young teen, I began to hate her.”- Same here.

    It was only recently, through my writings on tiny buddha, that I reconnected with the love I had for her before the Damage (I’m emphasizing your word “damaged” with a capital D). It truly surprised me.

    Not only did I rediscover the love I had for her before the Damage, but I realized that I loved her all along. Before, during, and after the Damage, that love remained, even though I thought for years that I hated her.

    For me, the Damage was the Betrayal—the betrayal of a child’s natural, necessary trust in the mother. The shock of it, the raw trauma of realizing I was not safe in her hands. It must have been overwhelming.

    Yet, the love I feel for her now does not mean trust. It does not mean there is a bond. It does not mean the anger is gone. This love is not even something I chose—it simply is.

    Healing from this early-life Betrayal of Trust, for me, means honoring the trust others place in me. If someone trusts me, I do my best to be worthy of that trust. That realization—that honoring others’ trust matters so deeply to me—is something I’ve only fully embraced in the past few months.

    When my mother betrayed my natural trust as a child, it created deep pain—an emotional rupture where safety, reliability, and connection were lost. By choosing to honor trust in my own relationships, I am learning to actively shape trust in my life. I am no longer at the mercy of someone else’s choices—I decide to be someone who is reliable and safe.

    Honoring trust shifts the focus from pain to purpose—proving that despite past betrayal, I am capable of trust and connection. Caring about trust is an act of healing, growth, and self-repair.

    I just remembered, Alessa—long ago, you mentioned that you are a very loyal person, and those words stayed with me. Now, I find myself wondering—are you loyal to yourself? Do you honor the trust that little-girl Alessa placed in grown-up Alessa?

    I’m asking myself the same question. And the answer? Yes—though it’s a very recent realization for me, and it has made a huge difference. In the past, little-girl Anita was strangely silent, almost muted. But now, she speaks from time to time, offering me valuable insights that I could never find anywhere else.

    Being loyal to myself is a new journey—one that is still unfolding. It means respecting my own needs and feelings rather than ignoring them, standing up for myself, keeping promises to myself, being honest with myself, choosing what’s best for me instead of just pleasing others, and ultimately, supporting myself no matter what.

    Looking back at your post, you said to me, “Stay true to yourself! You are the expert in your own needs.”-

    Where do you feel you are right now, in terms of being true to yourself and understanding what you need? Has that awareness grown for you over time?

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    How are you, S?

    anita

    in reply to: Creating Meaningful Relationships #445698
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Omyk?

    anita

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #445697
    anita
    Participant

    Thinking of you, Tom. How are you?

    anita

    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Adalie?

    anita

    in reply to: The After (Math) #445695
    anita
    Participant

    Thinking of you, Laven, and looking forward to hearing from you.

    anita

    in reply to: Why Telling Survivors to ‘Get Over It’ Is Harmful #445683
    anita
    Participant

    More: wondering, curious about what might come next, the Truth:

    The Truth being that we are all little boys and little girls running in the playground, wanting, needing to be Part Of- Part of the Whole.

    It’s Monday night here.

    What time is it where you are at?

    The ISOLATION, the emotional isolation is the root of all evil- says I.

    What do you say?

    We are not meant to be isolated, no, not the social species that we are.

    What I wrote right above is It, the root of all social ills: the isolation of a social species.

    It’d be okay for turtles to be somewhat isolated.

    But not for us, humans. We are genetically meant to be Together, which makes Alone very painful, unnatural.

    anita

    in reply to: Moving on from the past break up #445682
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, always, Clara. Tell mw more when you are ready, when you can.

    anita

    in reply to: Why Telling Survivors to ‘Get Over It’ Is Harmful #445681
    anita
    Participant

    Talking about processing, here I am processing some more-

    -Oh, and if you have nothing supportive to say, dear reader, don’t say anything at all. Don’t rain on my parade.

    So, processing more because there is so much to process, and because I find it so meaningful, refreshing . Actually, I enjoy it. So, here I go (having no idea what I will be typing next, whatever comes to mind/ heart):

    Little anita- I see her round face in a short haircut, I see her like it was only yesterday. Dark brown hair, almost black. I see her eyes, dark brown with a little hazel in it. She has no idea what’s coming.

    What’s coming, what..?

    She has no idea. She doesn’t know.

    The adult mind now has ideas, but little girl anita- she doesn’t know.

    What is it, little girl anita, tell me.. please, tell me.

    little girl anita says:…

    I can’t hear her.

    Tell me, tell me, little girl with short black hair, tell me.

    She has no words.

    Tell me, show me, what is it that you feel, what is the movement within you?

    Zooming in on the image of little girl.. she doesn’t know. There is this desert of not-knowing, a desert of desperate alone-ness.

    She is Alone.

    So, you see, this alone-girl, she doesn’t need you to tell her to get over it.

    To get over what?

    She doesn’t know. She figures she is irritating you, figuring that something about her is not right with you.

    She doesn’t know what it is. All she knows is that she is Alone.

    No one For her, No one With her.

    So.. do you find it in your heart, one who is reading this, to criticize and pressure this little girl?

    I know, I am an adult typing this, but the one I am typing about- is a little girl.

    A little girl that was crushed in so many ways by so many of you- Society.

    Do you want to further hurt this little girl?

    What if you look at everyone as little girls and little boys?

    Don’t hurt us no more.

    And yes, I don’t want to hurt us either. Let’s be Together in this Alone world of ours. Don’t be Against me. Be For me.

    I want to be For you. It’s not about it being Me Or You. It’s about being Me and You, Together.

    anita

    in reply to: Why Telling Survivors to ‘Get Over It’ Is Harmful #445677
    anita
    Participant

    Telling survivors of severe childhood abuse to “Get Over It” is harmful regardless of the intent of the person saying it.

    After all, parents who severely beat their children may have the intent to make their children stronger.. a positive intent, is it?

    Intent does not make abusive behavior okay.

    People need to process their trauma at their pace and not be pressured or criticized. The pressure and criticism is adding abuse on top of abuse.

    If a person feels triggered by reading someone else’s processing (with no mention of the reader, nothing to do with the reader)- the reader should stop reading instead of criticizing.

    This is what this thread is about: to support people processing their trauma and to discourage people from interfering with such processing.. regardless of the criticizer’s intent.

    anita

    in reply to: Moving on from the past break up #445674
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Clara:

    You are welcome, always!

    You wrote, “I think I know I have these fearful avoidant attachment style… I would like to share but I am unsure where to start”- I wonder if books on the topic can help you start, maybe “Fearful Avoidant Attachment” by Vincenzo Venezia – it explores the patterns of fearful-avoidant attachment and offers strategies for overcoming relationship struggles..?

    anita

    in reply to: Prayers #445673
    anita
    Participant

    ❤️

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alessa:

    Thank you for your thoughtful response—I truly appreciate the reflection and openness you bring to these conversations. I really like engaging with you too 😊.

    I agree with your insight about rejection coming from self-rejection— indeed, how often do we interpret others’ actions as rejection when, beneath it all, we’re already rejecting ourselves first? This is why self-acceptance is so important.

    Your words about validating my own needs and supporting myself mean a lot. I’m really glad you shared that because I think personal validation is such an ongoing journey—it’s easy to lose sight of it, and your encouragement reinforces the importance of staying committed to it.

    What you said about the bond between a child and their mother struck me too. Have you reflected on what happens to those early bonds in your own experience? How do you think trauma changes them over time?

    Also, I really appreciate your openness to adjusting how you communicate. I personally don’t feel you take away from my experience at all—I really value how you bring different perspectives into the discussion. It makes it richer, more layered ❤️

    anita

    in reply to: Why Telling Survivors to ‘Get Over It’ Is Harmful #445671
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alessa:

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and personal experiences—I truly appreciate the depth and honesty in your response.

    I completely agree that healing is not a simple, one-size-fits-all process. Everyone’s journey is unique, and what helps one person may not necessarily work for another.

    I also appreciate your clarification on “letting go” and how it’s not about repressing emotions. That aligns with my own views as well—healing isn’t about forcefully discarding pain but about finding a way to coexist with it in a way that doesn’t dominate your life.

    What you said about people being uncomfortable with vulnerability also makes a lot of sense. It’s true that many times, when people tell someone to “just let go” or “move on,” it’s not always meant to dismiss their pain—it may be more about their own discomfort in witnessing suffering. That’s an important point.

    Thank you for contributing such thoughtful perspectives ❤️

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 886 through 900 (of 3,941 total)