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anita

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  • in reply to: A Personal Reckoning #452978
    anita
    Participant

    Expressing, night time: I was an adolescent- teenager when I watched “meathead” (Rob Reiner), Archie Bunker’s son in-law in All In The Family. Today, he was murdered.

    Watching the show was one of the bright spots in my week back then.

    Murdered along with his wife at 78 and 68 years-old, in their home in LA, a result of a break in. Details not known. I will miss “Meathead”!… News: their son (drug addicted/ homeless..?) killed both his parents.!

    Also, earlier today, in Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia, following an antisemitic terrorist attack (by a Pakistani father and son), 15–16 Hanuka- celebrating Jewish people were murdered, and around 40–42 others were injured and hospitalized.

    An Arab Australian fought against the son, got shot but will survive, a HERO!

    So much wrong being done in our world, which brings me back.. to my mother. To state facts: I’ve been suffering from significant tics and bodily distress every single day, 6 decades- because my mother (Jewish..?) tortured me.

    To be true to truth, my mother was my personal, private terrorist, my “private Nazi” as I referred to her in my 20s. She repeatedly threatened to murder me, and herself (separate threats), literally terrorizing me, causing great somatic tension/ tics every single day in my body for SIX decades.

    She beat/hit/slap/kick me and shamed me and tortured me.. whenever she was moved to do so.. Not all the time, only when she needed to, when she “had no choice” (her words) but to protest against what she claimed I was doing against her (her paranoid personality disorder part), so she tortured me and felt justified, she felt victimized by me while victimizing me.

    It may take me a whole lifetime to come to terms with the real, unusual abuse I was handed by she/it, my private Nazi.. It takes a lifetime to FULLY process it.

    She told me, “I know I’m wrong” (to abuse me), “but what are you’re going do, you have nowhere to go”

    It’s bad when one’s Mother is one’s Personal, 1-2-1 Terrorist.

    So, the two Pakistanis in Australia were terrorists.. and so was my mother- in MY life, and in the lives of a few others. Didn’t gather publicity, and yet, it’s as real as real can be. May the tics and tension ease. (I just tic-ed, as I do so very often.. and again while typing these words.. and again, and again).

    That’s her terrorism in my muscles.

    Truth is trying to make itself FULLY known, it says to me: Yes, she (that mother-thing) was no Mother, it was a Terrorist. Accept this truth. Truth says- Don’t fight it anymore, don’t dilute it. Heal from.. Maternal Terrorism (MT). Yes, this newly coined term sounds just right, as accurate as accurate can be.

    Never occurred to me as clearly as this. Now.. any more empathy for my Maternal Terrorist.. wouldn’t be appropriate, would it..?

    Anita

    in reply to: A Personal Reckoning #452977
    anita
    Participant

    And again, thank you Thomas 😊 for your support, much appreciated 🙏🙏🙏, Anita

    in reply to: A Personal Reckoning #452976
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tee:

    “I’m so happy that I could support you and help you realize some things, and perhaps reach a measure of peace and acceptance around your mother. And I’m happy to see that you’re doing better, that you’re acknowledging your own worth and accepting that you’re a good, worthy person.”- I am eternally grateful, Tee 🤍 🙏🙏🙏

    “I do have health limitations and I’ve also got some projects that I’d like to tend to, and so I might reduce my participation on your thread (and on the forum in general), i.e. reply less frequently. But I’m interested to read about you, so please do keep sharing, do keep expressing yourself, and I hope to chime in as I can. 🤞 🤍”- will do Tee 🙏🙏🙏

    And I keep praying for you every day, and wishing you well on your projects 🤞

    “It’s good to read that you could speak openly to Byron about your judgmental mothers. I hope you can keep talking to her and perhaps even help her (in case she has issues with self-esteem and is still expecting her mother to validate her?)”- Thank you, Tee. I don’t expect to see her often because she lives an hour away (by car), but yes.. she has had trouble with her mother (so many of us do).

    “I am so sorry about that lady, the retired nurse, who is sick with cancer 😢”- it was a shock to see how much thinner and physically fragile she looked.

    “Sorry, didn’t understand: so she openly said it: ‘I am dying’?”- no, she didn’t say those exact words, she did say that the kind of cancer she had was not curable, or terminal. Her husband said the same at times when he was at the taproom without her. Neither expressed hope or even the possibility of healing.

    “If so, I guess the treatment isn’t working and she knows there’s nothing else that she can do? 😢”- seems like treatment is about slowing down the cancer and getting relief from pain and discomfort, not reversing it 😢

    “But I’m happy that you’re feeling young, finally after all these decades. I say, better later than never 🙂”- Yes, indeed!!!

    “And I say: enjoy your newly found feeling of youth and joy for life, even if your face isn’t young anymore. But your body is still healthy and agile, and your spirits are high. You feel good about yourself and optimistic (if I got that right). And that’s all that matters. That all that one needs for happiness, in my humble opinion..”- I am finding myself smiling as I read your words 🙂

    “So please do enjoy it the best you can, move, dance and feel life flowing through your veins… perhaps for you this is a new spring, new awakening, represented by all the wonderful life-affirming emojis that you sent me: 🌸✨🌈🌿”-

    It’s been a while, a long while since I danced (since the last live music at the winery, which is now closed). I would like to let you know when I dance again, somewhere else 💃 🕺 🪩 🎶 🎵

    “I wish you all the best, Anita. And I’ll be here on your thread, sometimes lurking, sometimes writing… but I’ll be here 🤍 I hope to read more about your victories, as well as your challenges (hopefully more victories than challenges 🤞) Please take care of yourself and keep dancing! 😊”-

    Thank you very much, Tee. I’ll keep posting, keep sharing, keep expressing.. and keep praying for you evert single day!

    🙏 🫶 🤍 🫶 🙏 Anita

    in reply to: Real Spirituality #452975
    anita
    Participant

    Dear James:

    I do hope you don’t retire from tiny buddha. I must say I will miss you if you don’t post again. Your first ever post here was on July 18, 2023, 2.5 years ago.

    You are the one who introduced to me the concept of radically accepting- not only situations I cannot change, but also- radically accepting my emotions, and its something that’s part of my daily mantra ever since you introduced it to me.

    There’s so much of what you shared that is true and helpful. Only the DELIVERY of these truths is.. well, ineffective. You submitted soft messages at times, but too often you have been, indeed, hostile between your “Dear (name)” and “Peace”.

    I am not a saint, of course, and at times in the past, I have been hostile, here and in real-life. It’s important to me to leave this part of me in the past.

    I am curious, and I don’t expect you to answer: you mentioned being a Muslim and wrote some words in Arabic.. I wonder if you’re living in the Middle East (where I was born and lived for more than 2 decades).

    One more thing, recently, I looked into the term Chéng (in Chinese), meaning true sincerity and authenticity (something I believe you stand for). I would like to apply more Cheng in my life.

    I hope to read more from you (.. but nothing hostile)!

    Anita

    in reply to: A Personal Reckoning #452972
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tee and Thomas: thank you for your messages, I’ll reply later!

    in reply to: Seeking clarity about a relationship #452971
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life:

    I am fine, friend 🙂. Thank you for the message. I am looking forward to reading your updates!

    🤍 Anita

    in reply to: I need someone to talk to #452970
    anita
    Participant

    Thank you, Thomas!

    Sincerely 💜 💛 💚

    anita
    Participant

    How are you feeling today, Adalie?

    in reply to: Real Spirituality #452967
    anita
    Participant

    Dear James/ Everyone:

    James- from what you shared most recently on the other thread (“I need someone to talk to”)- you are and have been on a mission here, on tiny buddha, to save people from themselves — specifically, from their ego.

    The ego (“the devil within”) is pride, selfishness, fear, and the illusion of control. You believe ego is the true source of suffering. Heaven and hell as inner states, and suffering (hell) is self-created by the ego. Freedom is found in dropping ego. People being nice to each other- that’s spiritual laziness because it’s avoiding the hard work of self-honesty and surrender, it’s clinging to ego instead of awakening.

    You say that death automatically destroys the ego, leaving nothing after death. No eternal soul. We return to where we came from: Nothingness. Essentially, you are saying there is no God— no external being, no eternal soul, no divine spark.

    When the body and mind fall away, the ego cannot survive. It “burns” in the fire of reality. But if people wait until death, they miss the chance to awaken while alive= to transform consciously. They (we) will no longer have the opportunity to live in awareness, love, or freedom, but instead, we’ve spent our lives trapped in illusions, fear, and ego-driven suffering.

    You’ve been urging people to experience the liberation of dropping the ego while alive and experience “heaven” (awareness, surrender, love) here and now. In simple words, you’ve been saying:

    Death will strip away your ego (and there’ll be nothing left of you, no matter who you’ve been, it’s back to Nothing) whether you like it or not. But if you don’t surrender your ego while alive, you’ll waste your life in suffering and illusion.

    You’ve been saying that real love is helping others face their illusions, not flattering them, that true compassion is about telling the truth as it is, it’s not about being nice or comforting people with sweet words. It’s about being brutally honest, even if it hurts. You tell us: Let go of fear, control, and the desire to be seen as “good.” Stop pretending.

    You see “kind words,” compliments, emojis, and social niceties as fake masks. In your view, these are lies because they avoid truth and keep people comfortable in illusions. You believe most people act “good” outwardly but don’t live honestly inwardly — they avoid facing their ego.

    You position yourself as truly good and loving because you refuse to flatter or comfort, you insists on telling the truth, even if it hurts, and because you see warning, confronting, and leading others to face their ego as the highest form of love.

    Your love is not based on approval or niceness but on awakening. Most people fake goodness by being nice and polite, but that’s just ego and lies. You are “truly good” because you tell the hard truth, confronts illusions, and push people to face themselves — which you believe is real compassion and real love.

    Your writing is intense, confrontational, and philosophical. I read that many mystics, philosophers, and spiritual teachers throughout history have spoken in ways that sound similar: uncompromising, urgent, and focused on ego as the enemy, but as I looked for their quotes, I didn’t find anyone as confrontational and harsh as you:

    Francis Schaeffer (Christian philosopher): “Truth demands confrontation. It must be loving confrontation, but there must be confrontation nonetheless.”

    Michael Bassey Johnson (modern mystic): “Don’t call anyone a devil, because within you, you can experience hell and the devil, and the devil is nothing but you!”

    Rumi (Sufi poet): “Break your heart until it opens.”

    Marcus Aurelius (Stoic emperor): “It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

    Nietzsche (philosopher): “You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame; how could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes?”

    Your tone, James, is unusually hostile and uncompromising compared to other recorded voices (except for Nietzsche, right above). Most mystics and philosophers, even when they talk about ego and truth, use language that is sharp but not quite as confrontational:

    In your posts, you accused people of lying, pretending to be good, you warned that if people don’t surrender now, they’ll be “burned” when death comes.. You sound harsher than Rumi, Eckhart, or Marcus Aurelius, who often spoke in poetic or reflective tones. You push further by combining mystical teaching with personal accusation.

    You don’t just say “ego is the enemy” — you say: You are lying! You are fake! You will burn! That directness makes your words feel extreme compared to most philosophical texts, which usually generalize or use metaphor.

    You are not alone in the content of your ideas (ego, truth, heaven/hell as states of mind), but you are unusual in the tone — more like a prophet or radical reformer than a contemplative mystic.

    Throughout history, prophets, reformers, and revolutionaries used strong, uncompromising language to shake societies awake. Your tone conveys urgency (it’s life-or-death, now-or-never). That urgency can move people who are stuck, and you are speaking with absolute certainty, which might inspire respect or fear in some.

    On the other hand, many people shut down when confronted harshly. A softer tone invites curiosity instead of defensiveness. Gentle guidance often builds trust and long-term change, whereas hostility can alienate. People often respond more deeply to kindness than accusation, especially in context of personal growth. For most people, a calmer reflective tone is more likely to reach the heart, build trust, and inspire lasting transformation.

    James’s style (confrontational): Stop pretending to be good. Your kind words are lies. Ego is your devil, and it rules you. Heaven and hell are not after death — they are inside you now. If you don’t surrender, death will burn away your illusions, and nothing will remain. I love you more than those who flatter you, because I warn you. Face yourself before it’s too late.

    Rumi’s style (reflective, poetic): Do not be satisfied with the sweetness of polite words. Look deeper, into the heart where ego hides. Heaven and hell are not distant lands, but the moods of your soul in this very breath. When you surrender, the fire of truth becomes light, not pain. Love is not comfort alone — it is the gentle hand that guides you to see yourself clearly. Break open the heart, and you will find freedom.

    I agree with you in regard to what love is: seeing everyone and everything as your family, your child, yourself & giving away what matters most (like money- which I have done a lot, likely more than you ever did, James). What I disagree with is you expressing hostility in between “Dear” and “Peace”.

    Also, I do believe in a soul that survives physical death, a divine spark, and from that spark, I say: I love you too, James. I mean it sincerely 🩵💛💚.

    Anita

    in reply to: I need someone to talk to #452960
    anita
    Participant

    Hello Everyone: Just because Alessa asked, my next post in regard to this discussion (if it’s still going on) will be in Jame’s thread “Real Spirituality”.

    Anita

    anita
    Participant

    This reply has been reported for inappropriate content.

    (Wow, Thomas- excellent reply!)

    Dear Adalie:

    Like Thomas said, it’s natural to feel hurt when rejected. I know that kind of hurt. I imagine everyone does.

    You are not alone in how you feel, and you WILL feel better.

    Anita

    in reply to: I need someone to talk to #452948
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Thomas: You didn’t upset me, really! It’s the opposite- you often make me smile because of your delightful, positively unique sense of humor! Please.. no worries!

    I am not upset by anything here, really, it’s all very interesting.

    I’ll write more (to James) in the morning.

    Anita

    in reply to: I need someone to talk to #452944
    anita
    Participant

    * Thank you so much, Thomas, for standing up for me. I am moved by your words more than I can say 🙏🙏🙏

    James: I need time to answer you, so I’ll do so tomorrow morning. Please take good care of yourself!

    Anita

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Adalie:

    I am sorry that you’re hurting, and I do hope that it is for the best. If it helps to share more, please do.

    Anita

    in reply to: I need someone to talk to #452936
    anita
    Participant

    Dear James:

    You wrote: “Many of you here to say kind words or saying ah darling you are so good stuff or heart emojis stiff… But all is a lie.”-

    I am 99.99% sure that you just called me a liar. Did you (I am asking because I have 0.01% hope that you didn’t.

    You mentioned İmam Gazali. Abu Hamid Muhammad al-Ghazali was a renowned Muslim theologian who (so I read) often emphasized in his writings kindness, compassion, and gentleness as essential virtues. He wrote, for example: “Soft words soften hearts that are harder than rock, harsh words harden hearts that are softer than silk.”. Well.. James.. You disagree with Imam Gazali?

    🤍 Anita

Viewing 15 posts - 121 through 135 (of 4,895 total)