Good Wed morning, Zenith!

Guess who is thrilled to read from you 5 months and a day since last time?

(me)

It was only a day or 2 ago, that I thought of locating your thread and asking how you’re doing, but figured I didn’t want to bother you.. and here you are!

I want to go back and read through our communication here and then get back to you!

Anita

Good Tuesday night, Mollie;

Part of the reason I slept so little last night was because Bogart, having an ear-cleaning and nail clipping apt at the vet today, was given tranquilizers to take last night AND an hour before the apt at 3 pm today (because beagles get very anxious when their nails get trimmed).

Anyway, last night, after I gave him the 2 pills, he looked and acted .. so weird, a dog high on drugs- the lost look in his eyes, the strange ways he moved his body. I was beside myself and worried how he’d make it through the night.

Next, after I submitted the post to you today, had to give him the 2 pills again, and again he acted so weird, and looked at me like he was so lost and confused. Next, at the vet, his ears were tested (and cleaned)- they’re infected with yeast and bacteria. So, I have to put drops in his ears ( will start tomorrow morning)

But NOW, he is finally off the effect of the tranquilizers, finally back to himself ( a relief!), although tired. Well, we’re both tired.

So, I don’t think I paid enough attention to your post today. I want to process it in my mind by tomorrow and respond further.

If you’re reading this before I get back to you, are you saying that you didn’t get a period for almost a year because you don’t eat enough or is it the STRESS (or both?)

Anita and FINALLY sober Bogart 🙂

Good Tuesday morning, Young 🙂

So, you blamed yourself a lot for those circumstances (“During those periods, I blamed myself a lot”)?

Scrupulosity OCD is a subtype (or theme) of OCD, and within this theme there’re 2 kinds:

(1) Religious Scrupulosity: fear of sinning, of offending God, etc., and

(2) Moral Scrupulosity: fear of being a bad person, of being dishonest, unfair, selfish, disloyal, or unethical.

The person constantly examines their intentions, thoughts, motives, feelings and character rather than their actual behavior.

Have you heard of Scrupulosity OCD, Young?

🤔 Anita

Hi Young:

I’m glad you were feeing better 4 hours ago and hope you’re still feeling better as you are reading this.

I hope you feel much better and start or resume a physical exercise routine as well as continue the working with electronics healthy distraction.

..I just happened to reread part your original post and stopped where you wrote that you and your girlfriend almost broke up a few times and that during those almost- breakups, you blamed yourself a lot.

Yet, you didn’t mention anything at all on her part that made her want to break up with you during those few times.. I assume she was angry at you.. but why?

I’m asking because a significant part of your distress may be about fearing another breakup situation..or maybe even partly wishing for one (as a way to eliminate the stress connected to the relationship)?

🤔 Anita

Dear Robi:

I’m glad you asked me what I think 🤔 even though I was going to tell you anyway, just as I do every time 😁

You wrote: “I don’t want to label myself as anything and justify my inactions.”-

I think that what you need from yourself is empathy, not judgment. Instead of negatively criticizing yourself, focusing on what you haven’t done, please focus on the positives, on what you have done (“I asked around here, looked online.. applied to many jobs in Poland too”).

Think of a real- life young boy. If he is being criticized and judged on and on, will he be forever motivated to try harder and harder, or.. will he give up at one point, and/ or need a lot of rest from all the criticism (“resting, laying around, feeling comfortable”)?

“She didn’t care if I was uncomfortable… Neither of them gives a sh** about how other people might be feeling”=

No empathy for Robi from his own parents.. They don’t give a sh** about how their own son might be feeling 😔

I’m using my phone, will be back to you from the computer (I would like to investigate a bit the neurodivergent topic you brought up)

🤔 Anita

Good Sunday morning, Young 🙂

You wrote in your original post: “Recently, I was standing with a friend, joking around, when I noticed Lucy nearby. It felt like I started acting a little differently, as if I wanted to look better in front of her… When I notice that a girl is looking at me, I start feeling uncomfortable. I either make awkward, unnatural movements because I’m self-conscious, or I start acting differently to make myself look better in her eyes.”-

You were joking around with a friend, relaxed, your attention was on the conversation. But the moment you noticed Lucy nearby, your attention shifted inward. You may have thought things like: ‘How do I look?’ ‘Am I standing weirdly?’ ‘Do I sound stupid?’ ‘What does she think of me?’

Instead of simply Being yourself, you started Watching yourself. That is indeed self-consciousness.

Evaluation Anxiety is the fear of being judged or disapproved of by others. The anxious person is thinking things like ‘Does she think I’m awkward?” ‘Does she think I’m attractive?’ ‘Am I making a good impression?’ The focus is on how one is being evaluated.

Many teenagers and young adults experience this.

You wrote today: “Maybe you could give me some advice on how to stop doing that? It’s just something I don’t really like about myself.”-

The goal is not to stop caring entirely what others think. Most people care at least a little. The goal is to become less disturbed by it.

A few things might help:

1. Recognize what’s happening-

When you notice a girl looking at you and suddenly you feel awkward, you can silently say to himself: ‘I’m becoming self-conscious.’

Not: ‘Something is wrong.’ Just: ‘Ah, there it is again.’

Simply noticing the pattern can reduce its power.

2. Shift attention outward-

Your attention moves from the conversation, the joke, the activity, to: ‘How do I look?’, etc. When you catch yourself doing that, you can gently return your attention to what’s actually happening around you.

3. Allow imperfection-

Part of the anxiety comes from trying to appear ‘right.’ A helpful attitude is: ‘It’s okay if I look a little awkward.’ Ironically, people often become less awkward when they stop trying so hard not to be awkward.

4. Question the assumption that you are being evaluated-

A girl looking at you does not necessarily mean she is judging you. She may be daydreaming, looking around the room, noticing your friend, or thinking about something completely unrelated. Consider those possibilities when you get anxious.

5. Practice staying natural despite the feeling-

The feeling itself is not the problem. The pattern is:

Girl looks at me → I feel self-conscious → I change my behavior.

A healthier pattern is:

Girl looks at me → I feel self-conscious → I continue doing what I was already doing.

Over time, your brain learns that nothing bad happens when you’re simply being yourself.

Young, you’re already aware of the pattern, and your awareness is a strength. The next step is learning that you do not need to obey the impulse to perform. You can feel self-conscious and still act naturally. The more often you that, the weaker the self-consciousness usually becomes.

What do you think/ feel, Young?

Anita

Hi again, Sleipnir:

“I suferred, why shouldn’t they?”-

Who are “they”, those who caused me to suffer?

I wouldn’t try to protect people who have abused me or others from suferring the consequences of their mis-behavior.

But I will go out of my way to protect future possible victims from the same abusers. And I will do my very best to not abuse anyone.

“I suferred. Why should they”-

Again, who is “they”?

🤔 Anita

Hi Sleipnir:

“I want to do something so badly.”- how about writing a letter with all your concerns and sending it to whom can do something to make real changes?

🤔 Anita