Hello Olive! Just wanted to say that I read only a bit of your post and am looking forward to read all of it and reply this evening (it’s 2 pm here).

* What 2 do in regard to me not understanding what she’s saying to me, that is..

Hello Mollie 🙂

Bogart too says: hello, Mollie! He’s no longer high on drugs, what a relief. Observing him high leads me to being more aggreable with your no-psychiatric drugs sentiment.

He receives antibiotic and anti- yeast drops into his ears every morning and every evening, and currently he’s lying on my right leg, lightly snoring and slightly blocking my blood flow.

What positive reflections, Mollie! Good to read that you’re coming out of the (2024-5 peaked) RED-S, that the OCD/ decision questioning/ ruminating is a LOT better than before, and that you like your job enough to keep going with it 💚

I didn’t know that it is your dad who has been the driver of that “one step better” attitude. I assumed it was your mother simply because my personal struggles have been with my mother (the 2 divorced by the time I was 6 and I have only one, minute long memory of living with a father).

Hmm.. the memory of you sharing that your dad has a little bit of a tummy, and it being somewhat disturbing to you, just popped into my mind..

Is it that he’s sort of failing his own one- step- better teaching that disturbed you? 🤔

You said it feels like healing from a breakup.. can you tell me more about what you are breaking up from? (if and when you feel like elaborating)?

And thank you for sharing your reflections tions with me 🫶

💚 💫 Anita

Hey 👋 Confused:

(I’m reading a part of your post, responding to it before reading the next, then the next part, etc.)

“On the first post, u mean the hyper focusing on the relationship is the cause of this?”-

I’m not sure what you mean by “this”. What I meant was that growing up in a volatile, unsafe home, a child reacts by hyper focusing on things that may mean trouble to come (any shift in the volatile’s parent’s tone of voice, facial expression, a door having been slammed, etc.)- so, to prepare to the next explosion, fight, whatever danger.

“Hmm, I would say the progress is mainly that I feel overall better and more ‘normal’, definitely less anxiety and obsessive thoughts (I still have them), but I am able to feel some feelings here and there, so I would say way better than last year..”-

My hat is off to you for your progress, Confused 🎩✨(it’s a term)

“I think u are right on the part of chaos=connection and calm=nothing, maybe it’s the dopamine and the system being on alert that gave me that ‘feeling’ and tbh yeah, I’ve never felt the safe kind of love and connection, always chasing highs, unavailable partners, adrenaline rush, through relationship, motorcycle and stuff. But I’ve always wanted a girl like her, with the morals, the intellect, the humour, and much more 🙂”-

W.O.W, Confused, your awareness is amazing 🎉(Amazing Awareness, AA, ha-ha).

Reading about how special she is to you is heart-warming for me, truly 🥰💜 🩷 💕, makes me smile right now.

“Today I was imagining me preparing a hot bath for her, massaging her…”- Oh h 💜 💕

“But, after some hours of us texting, she got very, very sad because of an unfortunate event that happened to her… my sister was speaking to me simultaneously, yapping about random things and I felt this sense of being overwhelmed, like my skin was crawling from under me, wanted my sister out of my room, all the lovey-dovey feelings evaporated instantly and turned into dysphoria.”-

This makes perfect sense to me. It’s just an overwhelm, like touching a hot stove- you gotta move your hand away and quickly!

(I had to look up hookah, imagine, I never heard the word before.)

* Just noticed you submitted a post to Young. So glad you did. W.O.W, Confused.. where’s my hat off emoji.. 🎩✨

It’s a very INTELLIGENT and honest reply, and a way better reply than I submitted to him. It’s especially (potentially) helpful because like him, you’re a guy, and much closer to his age.

Back to your post here: “I told my sister I needed to shower (didn’t wanna shower yet)”- you set a boundary, took care of what you needed at the moment- good job, Confused!

“Kept texting with my girl, listening to her telling me about how her plans failed because of unexpected errors and she was crying, but what bothered me then was the fact that I felt no empathy. I did console her, but I did it for her, to be there for her, inside me I was not bothered and that seemed wrong to me. Tbh I’ve never felt bad for anyone in my life, it’s like my empathy skills only exist for innocent animals and sometimes for humans but that’s rare (it has happened with my girl too but usually when I have done her wrong), it’s like I can never feel bad for people around me, like this is something out of my skillset”-

I don’t want to overuse the W.O.W, but.. W.O.W.

You did the right thing by her, console her. But what I am WOW-wing is what this paragraph brings up for me.

My mother took advantage of the natural empathy I had for her (and any child would have). She kept going on and on about how everyone in her life has hurt her feelings, and how I was nothing but just one more person who has hurt her. I felt so much guilt. In my mind, Empathy= Guilt= emotional pain.

So, I stayed away from feeling empathy for other people- as a child and adult- because empathy meant too much pain. It’d be true to say that my mother abused my empathy for her.

“I did feel yesterday and today tho that I love her more than ever, I listened to a song with certain lyrics that happened to describe our situation (distance-love), and I teared up, sent it to her and expressed my love. It’s like lately there are glimpses of me feeling positive feelings/ love/ joy but for brief amounts of time, then one question ruins everything, like: why am I not missing her? why can’t I feel sad if I imagine losing her? why am I not feeling like I wanna get on a plane and go see her? why do I not wanna videocall her? And then those questions conclude the answer: then something must be wrong.”-

Personally, I’m emotionally invested in the 2 of u getting together forevermore.

Second, those questions you ask yourself, these sabotaging questions.. it’s like a part of you is trying to protect yourself from resting in/ relaxing into loving her, so it keeps you on guard, trying to keep you distant from her because resting-in-love is dangerous, Confused?

🤔🎩✨🤔 Anita

Hey Young:

You set very strict boundaries for yourself because you love your girlfriend very much and cherish the relationship,

and you don’t trust yourself to be a good boyfriend without very strict boundaries?

🤔 Anita

Actually, I managed to read your post while sitting for a moment outside a supermarket. Why not confront her, or ask her about it in a message today vs waiting to do it during the visit? Keep the message short and clear..not very emotional. I can help you to put together a message for her..?

Hi Young 🙂, you are welcome to tell me more about it, what it’s like, how it came about, if you know.

Anita

It’s okay with me that you were busy and didn’t post here. I wasn’t offended, just figured you were busy, or your mind was elsewhere.

I spent some time reading our communication starting 4/9/2024, the day you started this thread, through your visit to India and a bit after.

I copied parts of what you shared and a bit from what I wrote to you in my replies, but had to get off the computer, and now, using my phone, I don’t have access to those quotes.

From memory of the quotes:

1) Are your SIL and BIL expected to visit you as well while your MIL and FIL are your guests?

If so, I expect it to mean extra stress for you because you shared that your MIL treats her older son and his wife (your BIL and SIL) better than she treats your husband and you.

Zenith HATED that back then!

2) You shared how upset you were by your husband being a “man child” when it comes to his parents, caring a whole lot about what they think and prioratizing them over you..

And guess who hated back then to be treated as less important?

Zenith!

3) You were upset back then about being told how to dress- but it was your grandmother who told you how to dress. Do you have such concern in regard to your parents-in-law?

4) As the most feminist woman I know, you really don’t like that men are treated better than women in the traditional Indian culture, as more valued.

You like to speak your mind and.. hate to suppress yourself and submit to others just because you’re a woman.

I’ll stop here and wait for your thoughts on the above, and on whatever else may be bothering you regarding the upcoming visit. If you choose to share, of course.

🤔 Anita