Hi @jamie,

I understand the frustration of dealing with an ex and his issues. I was once in a emotional-abusive relationship where my ex would always fight and verbally abuse me and make me feel not good enough for him. He would constantly fight with me one minute but he always go back and apologize over and over until I forgave him again but it would be a constant cycle of abuse and forgive. Eventually I broke things off with him because I could not handle that part of the relationship anymore and it was emotionally draining and we did end on bad terms. However after 3 months from our break up he message me and apologized for everything he has done. At that time I was upset but I did not want to hate him or give him any reason to emotionally abuse himself over me.

So in your situation I’m sure your ex realized his mistakes and he wants to be forgiven. It’s better to forgive but not to “forget” and in a way it’s up to you if you want to reply and let him know that you can forgive him but I suggest you need to figure out what is best for you first before replying. You still want to be a good person and not let any hurtful memories of the past to affect you now. If you care about him still then when you’re ready you can reply back to him. I’m sure he will understand why it took so long to reply but I believe all he wants is closure and to know that you are okay. You can be open and honest with him but in the end you have to move on and do what’s best for you.

I’m still friends with all my exes because I believe you should never end on bad terms and be happy for them even if it means not being part of their lives again. You want what is best for everyone and most of the time you want to end with no grudges or regrets and learn that things happen for a reason. I hope that helps out but only you know what is best for you and I want you to know that you do not have to let his mistakes affect your happiness now so let things be and move on.

Hi @Shemar,

The beauty of the past is knowing that it was special with people you once loved and care for but it can also be ugly because of the pain of the mistakes you have made and the problems that arise from it. You first have to accept that things change and that everything happens for a reason. There was a reason things didn’t work out and you have to accept that you can’t change the things that have already happened. If you’re now dwelling on it it’s because you feel guilty for the son who depended on you to be there for him and it hurts but you have to accept that you weren’t happy and forgive yourself for leaving that relationship.

If you want to reconnect with the son and your ex you need to talk things out with your current family first because that’s what you have now. Last thing you want is to cause problems with your current wife and kids because they might be hurt you want to care for another family and that they might not be enough for you. You need to be honest with yourself and your family and let them know that you feel guilty and you want to reconnect and mend things since it was left on bad terms. If your wife and kids can be understanding of that then that gives you permission to try and mends things with your ex and her son.

Now you have to accept that you made a mistake by not informing your ex that you had moved on and that you have your own family because she probably feels that you betrayed her and her son. You need to let her know that it was not your intentions to hurt them and that you were just trying to do what was best for you first. You have to show her how geniuenly sorry you are and that you want to be friends and be part of her son’s life again. If your ex cannot accept your apology and she does not want you to be involved anymore then you must move on and let her and her son be for you have done all you can and need to let go.

Once you have that closure you can finally move on with life and try to enjoy what you have now and use that experience to prevent it from happening again. It’s not easy but this is the best way to go about things for the sake of your happiness. You have to be honest and open but also accepting that everything happens for a reason good and bad.

I hope that helps and good luck figuring things out!

• This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by Jennifer.

Dear @Savannah,

I believe if you gave up your life and happiness for somebody you love then it would be selfish on their part. Your BF will not be happy knowing you are not happy giving up your life to be with him and in the end it will only hurt both of you. I’m sure his focus is taking care of his mom and he cannot give you the attention you need to settle into this new life. If you really love your BF you will support him by being honest with him on how you feel and you should still show compassion to his mom and respect her by showing her that you geniunely care for her son and her but if she does not see that do no stress the situation on your BF more and let her be.

You need to do what is best for yourself and do what will make you happy first because how can you be happy with your BF if you do not like the life you’re living there now? You find your own happiness and if it was meant to be and if he loves you then maybe later on it’ll work out. Time is everything and maybe right now it is time for you to go back and do what makes you happy and reconsider things when things are settled again.

I hope that helps and follow what your heart tells you even if it’s hard because you have to do what’s best for you in the long run.

Hi Amy,

I had a similar situation with my SIL a while back because she use to cause a lot of problems for my family and I because we could never agree on things and would argue and fight a lot. My brother and I are very close and I love my family as well so I know the frustration of disliking someone because the way they act towards your loved ones hurts and disappointing. If anything I feel horrible for my brother for dealing with the war between his wife and our family for the past 7 years but I want you to know that it is possible to work things out and it starts with kindness. My brother was always in the middle because my SIL and us would always pressure him to pick sides and in the end he had to do what was right for his family.

They have kids now and she has toned down a lot because my brother always resolved things by seeing both sides now. He argued with both his wife and us. He try to be understanding and never wanted to pick sides but instead try to see both of our point of views when it comes to problems. He will show how we felt as a family towards her and why and then he would show us how she felt and in the end both parties wanted to do what was right and what was best. If we really love our family and spouses then we must do whatever it takes to mend the relationships especially for the sake of the children. No child wants to grow up hating someone just because one of their parents does that’s not how they should be raised. Instead set a good example and try work things out by doing what my brother did and show compassion, forgiveness, and find a solution to work things out.

I’m not saying find faults in both parties but instead accept that arguing, yelling, and fighting does not resolve anything but only cause pain and suffering for both families. Try to talk to them indivually and try to find a resolution where both parties can come together and move on. No matter what issues happen, people will make mistakes and will disagree but what matters is that you can respect each other’s decision and provide love and understanding. That’s what will be best in the long run and for the kids otherwise they will think it’s okay to hate and resent someone just because someone else thinks badly of them.

I really hope that helps and that things will work out but just please show compassion and love for both and do what you think is best for you and your family. I’m sure both your husband and brother will be understanding if they both knew how much it hurts you to be going through this and if they really love you then they will work out their differences and for the sake of your families’ happiness show them how to forgive and move on so the future of the kids can follow by example and grow up solving issues with love not hate.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by Jennifer.

@cee Hi there and I hope this is not too late to post or give advice. From my experience it is best to let go of someone who is going through a rough time with himself and for the sake of both you and him it’s better to be an encouraging person to him when you can but do not expect anything more or less. I’ll ask you this. Are you happy with yourself right now? Are you going through any heartbreak with yourself? or do you just want the comfort and company of someone who you thought was a good match? If you can answer these honestly then there are your answers. If you’re worried about this guy because you care then that’s okay but if you’re only wanting him to snap out of his phase and come back to you then I don’t think it’s right because a relationship cannot be establish if both parties are not happy with themselves first. If he doesn’t work out then that’s okay. You just continue with your life and doing things that make you happy and I promise you the right guy will come along when you least expect it and he won’t have any issues with himself because he’ll already be happy. I hope that helps!