Hi there green tea Buddha,
Well kudos to you for gathering the strength to go back and contact your ex husband with an apology. The only problem here is the holding your breath for an apology. The obvious clue here is his viewing your online profile. Now there are two reasons; a. He read your apology and viewed your profile for emotional attachment reasons or b. He was cyber stalking you and looking to play a mental game.
Whatever the reason it was, I’m sure you are aware that in life you may NEVER EVER receive an apology from someone who has hurt you. In most cases when you apologize to someone who has hurt you they will either not respond or give you the silent treatment and pretend it is over, until one day they cyber stalk you or find a reason to contact you (ie birthdays,holidays,etc.) You did the strong thing and all that is left is for you to move forward and let individuals such as ex fall by the wayside.
All the best
Thank you and take care.
-AP85

Hi there healed man,
I hope all is well with you and with all due respect you are greatly delaying your satisfaction and happiness. There’s the fire, you’re afraid of jumping in and getting burned. There’s the water, you’re dying and you need to drink. Let me ask you a question you need to ask yourself over and over again in the mirror.
“Why am I so damn afraid of leaving my abusive wife?”
Talking and message posting is great and helpful unless you don’t take any action to go along with it. Conduct a mock practice of leaving your abusive wife with trusted individuals. After a while do it for real. Clear yourself from her, the other woman and just start from scratch. This was not to be interpreted as aggressive, I just don’t want to end up seeing you posting to 5-10 pgs on this thread still suffering.
All the best
Thank you and take care
AP85

I have just one question for you healed man.
When you’re driving down the road do you make an effort to drive close to the car that is tailgating others or is speeding? So why apply that same concept to your emotional well being?

One thing I would suggest would be going out and doing something that scares you (ie facing a phobia, stepping out of your comfort zone). My suggestion would be to join either a men’s support group or a public speaking club where you can improve your communication and learn to properly argue/debate.
All the best to you healed man
Thank you and take care
-AP85

Remember Broken Man,
Abusers never change. It’s usually physical abusers that everyone associates with, but verbal and mental abuse is just the same. As you stated the “normal” behavior is just an act and anger is building up everyday. Again I wish you all the best and even though you are scared to leave, the time will come when you have had enough and will walk away from all of this.
All the best
Thank you and take care.
-AP85

Hey JJ,
After reading your life story, there’s too much to write to help you out, but rather this:
I’m in my twenties. I experienced a smaller sample of what you are going through, but was still left with a big hurt. You know what helps:
-No Contact
-Pray/or meditate for them
-Don’t worry about getting final say
Enjoy

Hey spence,
Forgot to mention this but seeing as your topic post is “cheated on and looking for answers”. Here is some strong advice for you young man. You may never get an answer. You may get something 10 or 20 years later, but don’t hold your breath trying to get an answer. Similar people such as yourself have been trying to get answers and they have eventually lost, whether it’s high school or a marriage that lasted years.So learn to rise up above all of this.
Thank you and take care
-AP85

Lester,
That’s a very nice dream to have certainly. But if you plan on relying on riches, the best looking girl, fame/wealth, etc. to make you happy….well you may want to sit down with your thoughts and dissect your way of thinking. It is not bad to have that “extra stuff” in your life and regarding the girl I mean the relationship not the actual girl as a possession, although in life many people treat each other as an object.
One deep question that I always ask my self is the fact is; “Would I still be happy even if my possessions were taken away, the people I knew left me or broke contact with me, being dethroned or knocked off the top of the mountain”?
As others have pointed out the difference between “wants” and “needs” in life, the fundamentals of life including remembering/mastering the basics. Once that way of thinking takes over, then the rest should follow suit.

Thank you and take care.
-85

iamfreee,

Well first off, the first thing that I want to commend you is choosing a great username. That little expression can help you on your journey to controlling your emotions. Next, if you are seeking help, I assume since you have graduated high school you have your drivers license? That being the case then you can always search for free trials by any psychiatrists or hypnosis therapists and take a visit for a free session/ 1 hr. etc. If that does not suit you, then there is always group sessions including depression and anxiety groups that meet to discuss their issues.
As for activities you can complete by yourself, the most common one would be journaling. If at any time you feel as if you are about to lose control of your emotions, instead of falling victim to them, quickly write it down in a journal. This can work at home or at school. When you feel your emotions raging, then stop and go to your room and write out your exact feelings you are experiencing. As for when you are outside, don’t be ashamed of bringing a pen and a small notepad. Carry it in your purse and write out your emotions. This will not work on your phone due to the fact that 1. You are not writing your emotions down and 2. If you try and do this on technology and there is any issue it will only frustrate you even more. If you feel embarrassed about taking out a pocket notebook and writing stuff down in public then just resort to a private area such as a bathroom, etc. All the best to you.
Thank you and take care
-85