I’ve, for experimental purposes because I suspected this, weighed myself every couple of hours for about 5 days in a row once. The weight varied by as much as 7 pounds! ! ! (I used to have pretty severe body image issues and I was proving a point to myself.) Plus, other people RARELY notice a 5 pound weight gain even is real. I definitely wouldn’t beat myself up over it. Just drink lots of water, eat healthy foods and get back on track. But most importantly, treat yourself as kindly as you’d treat a friend in the same situation.

I agree with Inky that she may need to practice being a little less “approachable”. And you definitely need to being this up to her calmly to discuss a resolution that you both can live with. A couple of cautions: (not to discourage you) 1. Women with very low self esteem are at a much higher risk of entertaining attention from other men and of actually cheating as a way to boost their self esteem. 2. Even though you state it several times it does not seem like you are “past” the initial cheating and I’m not sure you completely trust her.

I used to have trust and jealousy issues myself. My boyfriend once told me that I either trusted him or I didn’t (I kept telling him I trusted him but panicking about dumb things). He then said I needed to just trust him if I really trusted him. He pointed out that he’d never done anything to make me not trust him. He was where he said he would be, with who he said he’d be with, doing what he said he was going to be doing. So I just decided to trust him. I, once, had one issue with him doing one little thing that damaged my trust. Not a big thing but with my issues it hurt. We talked and he is an open book. So you may need up have those kind of discussions with her. And, if you can’t rust her because of something in HER character then you probably shouldn’t be with her.

Here’s what I’ve found about the strongest relationships I’ve seen and formed….

No one is perfect and everyone has issues. If two people recognize this and want to be together they can decide to work TOGETHER to help each other through the issues with honesty, trust and compassion. However, this only works of BOTH people want it to and if BOTH people are willing to work to identify their own issues and deal with them. If those two things happen it can be a beautiful thing to experience. But if it’s one person trying to cling onto or “save” the other person…it’ll only end up hurtful in the long run.

I agree with Dina that you may be a bit hard on your friend. Knowing someone and dating them for years doesn’t guarantee a happy, lasting marriage…nor does marrying someone you barely know ALWAYS mean it can’t work. That completely depends on the intentions and willingness of both individuals involved.

That being said…I’ve become much more ruthless about how and with who I spend my time as I’ve gotten older. If the people around me are too negative or generally not supportive I limit contact. Not in an overt way or by making some big, grand announcement but just by spending my time with the people that I feel positive around. I, personally, deleted my Facebook page 7 months ago because of drama and I was jealous and insecure because of things there…my boyfriend deleted his the same day to help improve OUR relationship. Yes, people constantly step over the line on social media. But if you and your partner have clear boundaries and discuss things you can make it work for you. It may not look like someone else’s relationship. But you cannot blame outside forces…there will always be temptations. What you have to do is keep communication open, set boundaries with each other, trust and limit the obvious threats as much as possible.

I’ve got a friend that is very similar and every time I see the definition I see so many of his characteristics. I also met him when I had an emotional void (that I didn’t even realize I had) and, oddly enough, he was going through an “emotional issue” as well. We’d talk frequently but the conversations were always on HIS terms and even when he was LISTENING to my problem he wasn’t, really. Now that we’re both settled we only talk occasionally.

I basically just accept that he is who he is and I give up any expectations that he’ll behave any differently. He has his good points and can be fun to be around but our friendship is definitely more superficial. I’d recommend accepting who he is and backing up a bit. He’ll never be a CLOSE, reliable friend from what you’re saying and to expect it is to just set yourself up for constant disappointment.

Stop all contact and RUN away. This guy is dishonest with both you and his wife…he’s lied not only about being married but also about who he IS. The only outcome is that you’ll get hurt, even if you manage to keep it as “friends”. There are plenty of other guys out there.

I’m glad I could help. That’s what brought me to this site as well. I realized I was about to ruin a great relationship with my personal insecurity and needed (and wanted) to stop. It’s been a huge help in many aspects of my life….the forum and the articles posted. I hope you continue to post and read here to help you on your journey!

In short and to answer the question that’s the title to your post….no, this is not what a normal relationship feels like.

And one of the biggest problems in your relationship, even bigger than the bipolar disorder, is going to be the self esteem issue he has. It’s the basis for his extreme jealousy and is not healthy for him, you or the relationship. I know from personal experience. It may SEEM like he’s that much into you when he gets jealous over you….but it’s not normal to carry dreams over to the real life to the point that it causes arguments. He needs to deal with those feelings and issues. And you need to deal with your own until both of you are secure with yourselves. Only then can either of you experience a NORMAL relationship.