Hi Jonathan

I#ve also been through depression, but in your current situation, I must say that it sounds like you’re having a very natural response to your sense of social isolation, which further medication would be unlikely to help treat. I’d suggest building your social network outside of work as much as possible, to help build your resilience to what sounds like a very hostile social environment. I also agree with DeepThinker’s advice to focus on your next position. This too will pass 🙂

Hi Todzilla

I’ve also recently left a long-term (20 year) relationship due to codependency issues, and am trying to work things out after a break. The realisation that he wouldn’t – maybe even couldn’t – change, no matter how much I loved him or what I did, was a hard one and made me angry for a long time… at him, at myself and even human nature as a whole.

I’ll be reading along with interest 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing

Don’t try to rush through the grieving process, dear friend. Right now, reading more articles and so forth on surviving break ups will not help. If you must, ask her out again. Sometimes we have to put our hand in the fire to let the burn remind us why we don’t do that.

Hang in there. It gets better, I promise.

Hi Steve. It could be because they are overwhelmed with messages, yes. I online dated myself for a while, and while not wishing to be rude to anyone, I literally did not have enough time to answer every message. Also, if I viewed a profile and saw something that was a dealbreaker for me – e.g., not compatible interests, maybe a sense of humour I found jarring, or someone who was looking to settle down quickly – I would not waste their time by messaging them. Not that I felt superior to these guys, or that they weren’t “good enough”, just not was I was looking for at the time.

I hope the female perspective helps 🙂 Try not to take things so personally, and good luck!

When we are hurt, it is easy to imagine the thoughts and feelings of the other person, and make them into those that will hurt us most badly. But those ideas we have about what the other person is thinking and feeling… they’re illusions. The most important thing now is how YOU are feeling.

You are hurt. You feel used, and confused. You feel anger towards him, even while you long for his return. These feelings are natural and normal, like any other break up.

For the time being, I wouldn’t mention this to your husband. Your mind is naturally and understandably clouded with painful emotions and it will be too difficult to make the right choice at this time. To help your healing, be kind to yourself, as you would be to your dearest friend. Eat and drink as well as you can, and try to get some exercise every day. Don’t scold yourself, or shame yourself. Things will be clearer with time.

Hi David, I’m so sorry for your pain. If it helps, the stage of relationship grief you are in right now is “anger” – and you are turning that anger on yourself.

I found it best not to fight the anger or try to quell it – just breathe through it and let yourself know in the unemotional part of your mind (I don’t know what it’s called in Buddhist tradition, unfortunately) that you made the decisons you made with the knowledge and feelings you had at the time. You also seem angry with yourself for pursuing the other girl, that you call “fake”, and angry with her, too. Perhaps you are grieving the loss of two loves at once?

Sorry, I’m a new poster, I didn’t read your previous posts first

I’m so sorry for your pain. The hardest thing to grieve is the loss of a future we thought we were going to have (with someone)

You’re not alone, I promise. When you feel that way, hold your consciousness out to the Universe and feel the thousands of other people who are feeling the same kind of profound loss as you. Comfort them, and allow them to comfort you in return. I hope this helps. I’ll be out there, too 🙂