I think your rage outburst was natural, understandable and – if you let it be – will be incredibly healing.

“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.” – Maya Angelou

Rage if you need to. Get your closest friends and have a full-on bitchfest about what an utterly inadequate human being he is. Or write it all out on a forum, or a diary. At some point, it’ll turn to laughter and tears and you’ll be well on your way 🙂 Do try to lay off the drinking alone though, and don’t allow a single seed of doubt about yourself to be planted in your mind by him. It’s easy to feel that way when you’re feeling low about the breakup, but you sound perfectly sane to me. There’s a time to be tranquil and rise above it all, and there’s a time to throw your toys out of the pram a bit. It’ll pass, I promise 🙂

Hi Steve

I’ve had similar thoughts to you about people that I called my friends, especially those that were there for me during tough times. You’d think that those people would be “true friends”, the ones that are there for you when things are tough, right? Sadly, I’ve learned that this is not necessarily so. Some people – and I used to BE one of these, I’m ashamed to say – are drawn to friendships and relationships where they need to “fix” the other person. This doesn’t come from a place of care for that person, but from their own codependent desire to be leaned on, and the feelings of validation they subsequently get.

Secondly, I would suggest you look carefully at your relationships. Do you spend more time pursuing those who consistently reject you, trying to win them over, than you do with people who seem pleased to hear from you, and happy to be in your company? When self-esteem is low, the temptation is to think poorly of people who like you, and idolise those who don’t.

Thidly, if all else fails, and you are continually rejected by everyone, then you may need to do some soul searching. Not that I’m saying you have either of these problems, but some people I know (and reject) are objectionable on the basis of poor personal hygiene, or expressing strong social or political views in a tactless way. I would look to the first two before concluding the second 🙂

Wishing you well!

A question with no judgement – when you say he has family commitments, do you mean that you are having an affair?

When I realised my ex had gone straight into another relationship, it was like I had to start the grieving process all over again. Anger is a stage of grieving, so don’t worry, it is healthy (as long as it doesn’t get embedded) and it will pass. Going for a long run is a great idea, very healthy for mind and body. And you seem to be doing a lot of self-discovery, too.

I have a strong intuition that you’re going to be just fine, lovely lady 🙂 It’ll hurt for a while, but you’ll get through it.

Woah, there, lovely

You didn’t give it up because you let other people put doubts in your head. You stayed with your family because you didn’t want to leave them after going through such a loss. The rest was a combination of push and pull. You’ve lost faith in yourself, and that’s understandable, given the sense of loss you have right now. Also, some of the loss you feel about your grandfather may be projected onto the end of this relationship.

Be gentle with yourself

Please don’t do the mind game thing 🙂 I understand its appeal, especially when we’re desperate to form a connection with someone we feel is very special, but in the long run, all it will do is tarnish your self-esteem. Do you really want to be the guy who needs a playbook to help him get girls?

I feel MArk Manson gives better advice than dating gurus 🙂

http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

Delighted to hear that 😀 Another “giant leap for mankind” 😀

It’s very thoughtful of you to consider your mother in this. If the meds have helped you before, then I say go for it. But lay off the drinking and the weed. These things do not play well with anti-depressants!