Hello, sorry for all the hardship and pain you are going thru. Have you thought about having your husband learn acupuncture? This way you can get your treatments anytime. Talking to the acupuncturist, pretty sure they would be willing to help since you are in so much pain. Good luck to you.

So, you need reassurance that you are doing the right thing? Long distance relationship, Never met, her ex hanging around, she is a flirt, arguing all the time. You listed many reasons for this break up and not any for staying together. It sounds like it is time to go met a girl in real life.

Normal is over rated since it is only an average of what is around at the time one is looking. Getting along in society is accepting yourself as you are presently regardless of what others think of you. Cause if you are thinking so much about what others think of you then you are too much inside your own head to see what is just outside of you. Most people are weird in one way or another. The people that get along in society do so by accepting themselves as is and being nice to others. What goes around comes around. Meaningless phrases and empty faces.

“I really would rather someone not talk to me at all than say a few meaningless phrases out of obligation. I am not disrespectful to someone unless I say something disrespectful.” Actions speak louder than words. Being dismissive???

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Tommy.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Tommy.

Books are a wonderful place to start learning. There are also many good videos on youtube. However, nothing will replace a teacher, sangha and the Dharma.

It is difficult to know what is the cause of his depression. It could be something in his life is not exactly the way he wants it to be. A life situation, job, money, body image??? Dwelling on these things cause suffering. But, it is not because of you or your relationship. Talking to him might help. Or just being with him might get him to start his thoughts on something better. That is what is needed to bring back the mind of the  person you care about. To get his mind thinking of better things, better times. Drag his thoughts out of himself. He might open up and let you in on his feelings.

Being alone or being left alone?? Personally, I do not like that option. I have had fights with my wife where she just wanted to be left alone. I refused to let it be. I held her. Did not let go. Apologized. Admitted blame or whatever to get her to let go of her anger. She would struggle to get free but I held on. Stayed up half the night until her feelings were better and no longer angry. Yeah, sounds stupid. But, I do not regret showing her I cared. And I do not regret admitting fault even when I was not at fault. The relationship was more important to me. I do not know if this will help you.

This body is made from aggregates. Stuff put together to make a living thing. The mind is of this body. So what all a person thinks, .. is what a person is . Buddha said something about a person is the sum total of their thoughts. When the body dies, so shall the mind of this body dies too. But, you are not just these thoughts. In Buddhism, it is sometimes called Buddha nature.

A person’s thoughts create and shape the mind of the person having the thoughts. But, the real truth of the person is not his thoughts. In meditation, we let go of thoughts and let the mind calm. In an instant, clarity can be seen and we see the truth of our nature. Some call that awakening. Zen calls it Kensho. It does not happen easily and yet, it is not hard. A glimpse to the truth of our nature.

One’s sense of self is developed and involves thoughts. This constant monologue in the mind. But, that is not our true self. Letting the waters settle, the mud clears and one can see clear thru the waters. So, it is said of the mind. To let go of thoughts, the mind settles and clarity opens and one can see the truth. Sorry, rambling again.

Dear Anita,

When the stone moves, it hurts. When there is no pressure on it, there is little to no pain. It is still there. 3mm is quite large. Doctor told me that a stone the size of 5mm can still pass naturally. Given meds to open passageway and pain meds. Going to use pain meds for sleep only. Doctor’s advice was to drink more water to help flush out the stone. And drinking more water in general helps to prevent stone formation.

Tommy

The only judgement that counts is yours. Family can say whatever they want. It is your happiness that matters most.

But, be certain this is what you want.