Hi samuel,

The answers you’ve received are all so good, and may I just say that whenever I read from Peter I walk away inspired. “Letting go” is about accepting and observing each thought instead of resisting or identifying with it. If your thoughts consist of problems that you are resisting or identifying with then you will suffer.

For example, say you’ve had a falling out with a close friend because she made a terribly hurtful comment to you, and every time you think about it you relive the suffering of this experience. You may think that one solution to this problem would be to not think about her making the comment to you (resist the thought), but this rarely works because we can’t control our thoughts, so an alternative is to accept that you’re having the thought but choose to not relive the suffering. This can be accomplished by envisioning her making the same hurtful comment to a random person instead of you. In other words, become an objective observer of the situation happening to someone else, like watching two people interacting in a movie. You may feel angry, sad, and sympathetic but there’s some space now between you and the situation meaning less personal suffering for you, right? By observing the situation from this detached perspective you still feel feelings but experience less suffering. Now go ahead and insert yourself back into the situation, and take a deep breath. Objectively observe the situation happening to you just like you did earlier to the random person. How do you feel now? You see and hear the hurtful comment being made to you, and you fully accept that this thought is now in your head and you choose not to resist it, but this time do you identify with the thought a little less than before? Do you feel a little less angry, sad, and hurt? If so, you now have an awareness that you have the ability to observe yourself from a detached perspective and still feel feelings but experience less suffering. Over time the hurt/suffering from the situation may become less and less until it disappears altogether. It doesn’t happen instantaneously; it happens over time. To me, this is “letting go”.

As Peter says, “Letting go is not a state of indifference or forgetting…Its a process of growth as we bravely observe the experience…”

B

Hi JoJo,

How are you making sure everyone is aware that this problem can occur?

I told them about your first post so that when they’re purchasing a new swimsuit they’ll be aware that this can occur. I learn a lot on this website and frequently share those things with them. Anyway, like me, they view this as more funny than serious, and thankfully we all have dark or colorful swimsuits. 🙂

I predict that as time goes by this situation will become less significant for you. Do you think so too?

B

Hi Peggy,

Thanks for the clarification, and I agree with you that what occurred is indeed very odd.

B

You are welcome, Kristine. 🙂

Hi Debbie,

Many feel anxious about voicing their political opinions for fear of being disrespected, disliked, teased (like you were), or ostracized. It’s especially troubling in the workplace. I choose to not engage and I’m always amazed when people make statements that reveal their assumption that I share their position on a particular issue (because only an idiot would have an opposing position to theirs, right? :/ ) It’s the strangest thing.  Maybe not knowing my position creates discomfort for them and it’s a passive-aggressive attempt to get the information they want in order to feel more comfortable. Don’t take the bait, Debbie! Follow your dad’s advice, don’t engage, and don’t worry about what happened in the lunchroom that day. I’ve a hunch there are others in your office who are afraid to reveal their true thoughts.

Feeling excluded from inside political jokes and knowing others are watching what they say around you are both painful experiences. Gain strength in knowing that you are not alone. Continue to think things out for yourself, and be friendly, respectful yet also confident around those who disagree with you politically.

B

Hi Tridha,

Your MIL makes snide, hurtful remarks to you yet you’re expected to be kind to her because it’s your culture? And you’re also expected to ask your husband’s family for permission to see your own parents? No wonder you’re unhappy, Tridha.

Is marriage counseling an option? Perhaps a professional can explain to both you and your husband just how damaging your MIL’s abusive and controlling behaviors are to your emotional well being.

B

Hi Grace,

I understand why you are hurt by this.

Your best friend’s travel plans changed from leaving on Aug. 17th to Aug. 2nd, and it’s probably safe to assume that she was swamped preparing for this earlier departure date and for that reason neglected to contact you to tell you her change in plans. Her boyfriend telling you “I thought you knew” is a good sign that not telling you was merely an oversight on her part.

I’m sorry she didn’t wish you a happy birthday. She’s probably been so caught up in leaving for college that it slipped her mind.

I can’t explain the sleepover with your other best friend and why this friend was blowing you off yesterday. What do you think is going on there?

If I were you I would let this go. Try to understand, with all the changes happening for your best friend, how she could have missed updating you on her new departure date and also wishing you a happy birthday. Leaving for college for the first time is an emotional and stressful time for many. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and just let it go.

Happy Birthday, Grace! 🙂

B