Dear Anita,

good morning. The time has come. I am ready to return to tiny Buddha and our forum/conversations – if you feel that is a win-win scenario that you are interested in at this time. I also did send you an email. I have oh so much to inform you and not a week goes by that I don’t think of our talks starting over 5 years ago that have revolutionized my awareness and awakening in this current life.
I hope as always you are well.

Dear Anita!

good morning my friend.
we are moving out of nyc on Friday! Oh how quickly it all happened. We are then going to India on Monday for a month! Family wedding and some travels before the move.
I wanted to let you know that I will be away for the next few months given this. I will check in when I can – and will always be thinking of our talks. Thank you for helping to set me up for success in this next chapter. To India and California and beyond! As I pack my boxes I think of how much growth the last 3 years have had. Hard to believe – and I have a hunch that more is right around the corner. Again – thank you for your dedicated study of what is my journey and support as always. I shall be in touch when I can!

Always,

CC

Dear Anita,

Sorry for the delay. Complicated day but I’ll get into that later. Quite stressful. Anyway- back to us I assume you are away from the computer so we can continue this discussion tomorrow or whenever you are free.

I am glad I read both back to back. Here is the thesis for me:

no, neither one of them, not your mother, not your sister wanted your functionality or help so that they can function better. This is your make-believe which gave you that sense of being valued as a child (which I talked about in the previous post). It is true that the two of them need to function better, but this is not what they want. They had a more immediate need which was to satisfy their impulsive need, which in the case of your sister, it is the need to blame you.

Your sister is helping herself to you by pointing the finger of blame at you: your fault! You are hurting me! Here, you did it again! And again! And as you understandably get angry, she has new ammunition to use against you. She is helping herself to you.

So this is new news to me. You have explained this in regards to my mother in the past. The concept of her needing an audience. Not truly “needing” a solution. Makes total sense.  I can visualize it and see it clearly. Especially remembering my father or I talking her down, just for her to go into the same hysterics again moments later when an aunt walks through the door. This is pretty pivotal aspect of her personality disorder and BPD.

The friend I used to have – Sarah – I recall episodes like this as well. A very twisted way of getting attention – but never ever being satisfied or happy.

Now to my sister. I didn’t think of her the same. And I don’t mean to say that I want to lump everyone together. But I had thought she was on “the other side” – my side.

The side that isn’t hysterical and crazy. Troubled – yes. But not that.

Yet I see now that’s not true. I see that I when I placed my MIA note – she reached out practically saying “hey where is SCC” but it wasn’t for My help.

Let’s say I replied and said I’ll come over and help or this or that she would have jumped to the opportunity. But if she found that I was stressed doing it she would have said: oh I never told you to do this.

A key point of a dysfunctional (in emotional ways when it comes to my sister) adult.

She does need help in ways my mother didn’t. Such as is helping her move into Manhattan and in so many different ways. Those are facts.

But she also puts down and de-values SCC. I guess I thought of it like this – she is desperate and lonely in many ways – but also angry and denounces SCC. She in fact comes off as a victim lost puppy some days – but angry beast others. She is needy for love and attention and she does not have it in her life (from any true place unlike me with my spouse). But also does not know how to receive this appropriately or appreciate it.

She is highly troubled and erratic and hysterical.

Now – I want you to elaborate the aspect of “my sister is helping herself to me.” I understand it but would like to discuss further

Dear Anita,

I read the above post throughly. I actually would like to read both posts before replying if that would be okay with you. If so I will wait to read the second portion. Thanks and take your time

Dear Anita,

It is official! We are moving to California!!

Dear Anita,
🙂
Thanks for your input. I’ll keep you posted.

Yes I have gotten to a point of clarity with my sister. Especially given the Incident in Philadelphia. And also because this painstaking decision has required My husband and I to be undistracted by anyone and also to have good whole energy. I did not allow her to take away from that. Even when she tried while we were at brunch- I shot it down. That’s it.
Now is that the end? No. But it’s the beginning. And that’s huge.

I hope you are feeling better from your fall.
We love SD, beautiful breezy, full of that true Socal culture. But the job is not bad, but not a homerun. It doesn’t scream “uproot your life and move here!!”

OC (the coastal) parts are equally beautiful albeit slightly more snooty or plastic. But you know what. There’s that everywhere. There’s good ans bad energy everywhere. What matters is from within.

Next – I notice I am able to find clarity more quickly these days than even a few months ago. I notice this is a sign of progress. Being bogged down by rumination and second guessing is a sign of no – not a weak mine. But a weakened not rooted spirit. I notice My spirit getting stronger. I notice My ability to see all sides or something. Whether it is a person, place, or Thing. I notice that I don’t feel as guilty about my duty to others. Or If I do it passes. I don’t feel overwhelmed by it for days on end.
In addition – I notice that I frankly don’t care as much about others anymore. Not in that sense. But in the sense of: live and let live.
No one is sitting at home worrying about me all day. That would be silly. People work properly and are happy when they have an inner circle or focus (no matter what it may be). Without this groundededness – it’s impossible.
Live and let live. We are all worthy of some peace.