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cali sister

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Viewing 15 posts - 316 through 330 (of 338 total)
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  • in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180615
    cali sister
    Participant

    I have another statement. That my sister and I are discussing.

    I have this intense pressure to enjoy things. If I go to a concert or any event- the entire time my brain is yelling at me and forcing me to be like “are you happy? Are you enjoying? Do you feel stress free? Is this the best thing ever?”

    When I listen to a song and love it- the second time I listen to it I oressure myself to feel the same initial I did. Where does this pressure come from? It ruins my ability to enjoy

    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180613
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita

    not at all. I’ve just always loved the idea of romance and sharing a life with someone. And for someone that is such a romantic, I feel sad that I have not been able to happily experience it.

    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180609
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita.

     

    I find myself to be struggling even more and more with this concept of being single. And it’s moreso because of me never having something positive with a man. I have continually met men who do not treat me right. And I’m exhausted and sad. Especially since everyone around me is happily ever after. My friends, I mean.

    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180397
    cali sister
    Participant

    I just showered. And had a cathartic moment. Here were my thoughts:

    1. Why can’t I just find a partner? To share life with? And tell all my little life details to?

    2. I don’t have family. I’m essentially alone. (Of course I have my sister). But I’m essentially alone in this anxiety that I have.

    3. I’m happy I’m having this crying episode. I know I’m sad but I’m making steps forward. I will continue to have these episodes but I am happy that I am taking the right steps. I feel a little happier than usual during this crying episode. It’s still hard and sad. And will be for a long time. But it’s ok. I will be ok.

    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180375
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    amazing post. I showed my sister immediately. I finally have the answer of why I treat men that way and I feel the need to fight.

    I struggle a lot with needing romanticism in my life in order to feel safe. This feeling of “safe” is something I’ve pondered about for a while. I attribute it to trying to almost find a motherly caretaker in a man. I want to be taken care of and feel safe. This does not mean I’m always in a relationship. It’s quite the opposite. I keep dating and having horrible experiences.

    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180321
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    your post is absolutely amazing. And I have always wished to create something similar. Thank you so much for creating that for me and my sister. I love it.

    I would love to see your post #2. I’m so excited for it. I’m currently at the airport. About to travel for a conference/little vacation. I’ll stay active on this, I consider this my journal 🙂

    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180259
    cali sister
    Participant

    Thank you anita.

    I can share a little victory that just happened. I finally stood up for myself with a man. In the past, even if someone treated me horribly, i would yell at them and then basically beg them to still talk to me all in the same conversation. i did not hold myself highly enough and i was afraid of the void. today, i said to him, if you want to talk to me, you have to figure out how to make it up to me. if not, i dont think we should talk anymore. that right there. is A HUGE DEAL FOR ME. I hung up the phone, and smiled. i felt lighter. i felt like calisister was the one who was important and protected. i didnt feel embarassed. I did not feel needy. i did not feel like i was just throwing my body and emotions out there as if they were worthless. i kept the power. i have never had power when it comes to a man. and i did it. i FREAKING DID IT! im so happy i could cry. i love me. i see it now.

    yesterday, i spontaneously went to a tattoo shop to get my second tattoo. it says no fear…

    the “o” in no is a paw print. that’s what i practiced today. no fear. if he leaves, you will still be okay. you will not die if this man leaves you.

    i did it, anita.

    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180237
    cali sister
    Participant

    anita,

    i feel as though the answer to any thing i write shall be – psychotherapy will help. so i feel silly writing more

    calisister

    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180231
    cali sister
    Participant

    anita,

    i would love to write more – but i feel as if it may just be a diary entry – bc the answer is in what you just said – psychotherapy – so then i feel…well whats the point if i know the solution

    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180227
    cali sister
    Participant

    anita,

    i understand. i have an appointment scheduled

    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180219
    cali sister
    Participant

    anita,

    yes – i completely agree. it is not a life sentence. but i dont know how to get bailed out

    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180209
    cali sister
    Participant

    anita,

    yes – she has said that to me about everything. i am never good enough or strong enough or as smart as others – in her eyes. always puts me down

    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180067
    cali sister
    Participant

    anita,

    yes i am very good about making time like that for myself. i spend a lot of time outside

    let’s go back to when i talked about the root of my anxiety and my mother etc. so the ROOT is that i consistenly put myself down and have this fear or true confidence that i will fail. so before reading an article, but head already says “well you wont get it anyway” (Which i know is not true, bc i know i am very intelligent) – but this hinders me from reading and causes so much stress

    cali sister

    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #180053
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    pressure of always knowing refers to always having a plan and being academically/career oriented. However, of recent – i can put no energy towards this. I am exhausted

    my life has been go go go. stress. anxiety. go go go. it would be nice to stop – however, i dont think this is sustainable (finance wise)

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by cali sister.
    in reply to: Anxiety: The Blur #179985
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thanks. I think i struggle with the pressure of always knowing. But – i do know i deserve a break. schooling was intense and my job is intense. i do not need to rush

Viewing 15 posts - 316 through 330 (of 338 total)